The Friars' Club had a roast for former Major League pitcher and author of Ball Four, Jim Bouton, that would have made even Dana Jacobsen blush:

Susie Essman, who turned to Bouton's wife, Paula, and said, "Honey, he didn't give up his career for you! He gave up his career because his arm didn't work any more!" Essman also cracked, "I could have had sex with Jim but I didn't. I held my ground. I got up off my knees from that bathroom stall with my dignity." Dave Konig, from Sirius Radio, said, "I always wanted to be an athlete as a kid but couldn't. But after reading your book and learning how athletes gambled and drank and chased women, I knew I could be like them."

Apparently, Bouton is not important enough to receive the Friars' 'A' crew, but Essman and Konig really delivered some zingers, didn't they? No, they didn't. The 1963 All-Star would have been better served by Rip Taylor and the exhumed corpses of Slappy White, Henny Youngman, and, of course, Mickey Mantle. -KD

As toned and tan reader John pointed out, today's Page Six has a little nugget from the exciting world of children's book publishing:

WE HEAR… THAT Simon & Schuster's children's imprint has inked Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy to write a picture book for kids about a class clown who finds inspiration to follow his dreams.

Being an outstanding NFL coach pretty much guarantees that you've been a super-organized Type A asshole your entire life, so I don't know what the hell Tony Dungy thinks he knows about being a class clown.  Finding inspiration?  Following dreams?  When you're the class clown, inspiration is fart noises and following your dreams is making fart noises. 

But something tells me the inspiration for this story has a lot more to do with Jesus than with fart noises.  Which is another hole in the story.  No class clown would ever give up fart noises for Christ's eternal love.  I'm sorry, but fart noises are just too funny.

For all the Colts fans/book lovers out there.  Both of you.

Tony Dungy's book, Quiet Strength, will debut on the New York Times Bestsellers list on July 29 as #2 on the hardcover, nonfiction list. (The book was #35 on USA Today's "Top 150" list for July 19 and is #4 on this week's hardcover, nonfiction list in Publisher Weekly.) Written with Nathan Whitaker, the 2007 Super Bowl winning coach's book was released by Tyndale House on July 10, 2007 with a nine-day coast-to-coast media tour, plus a return visit to New York City where Dungy appeared [July 24] on CBS-TV's "The Late Show with David Letterman."

Quiet Strength, huh?  I guess someone already wrote "Winning the Super Bowl and Crusading Against Gay Rights for Dummies."  No, I'm just kidding.  I'm really happy for Tony.  It must have been hard to write a book.  It's so much effort to sit down and talk to someone, then make sure that that person got everything right after they sit down and type it all out.  I really respect that.

Ooh!  And a foreword by Denzel Washington!  I love his writing.  Maybe he had someone else do it for him, too.