I’ll preface this rant/whiny hissy fit by saying that I know that people have complained in the past that I write about the Orlando Magic too much, and a lot of people don’t really give a crap about my favorite NBA team. So to make up for that, I’ve included a bunch of GIFs of my favorite ladies, so you can just skip ahead to that if you don’t give a sh*t about my butthurt opinions.

That said, I originally had about 2,700 words written about last night’s Orlando Magic game that I attended, and how I felt about Dwight Howard in a Lakers jersey returning to the arena that was built for him. But he’s not worth that many words. He’s really not even worth the 127 words that I had written up to this point.

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"Me no here talk of Kim, me here talk dribble dribble."

The New Jersey Nets were downright humiliated in their home opener last night, a 106-70 curb stomping at the hands of the Atlanta Hawks. But despite the loss and coach Avery Johnson and star Deron Williams playing the “We’re better than this” routine, we learned two things:

1) Nets fans are willing to piss all over their team until they get Dwight Howard, because f*ck those other guys around Williams.
B) Kris Humphries found the one arena that he won’t be booed in this season, and that makes people mad.

That first point is moot for now since the Nets have nothing of value to trade for Howard anymore, so we’ll focus on that second point for now. As my good buddy and Nets beat writer Andy Vasquez Tweeted, Humphries was booed mercilessly in the Nets preseason game against the Knicks at Madison Square Garden and again in the season opener at the Washington Wizards.

And now people are asking the question: Why all the hate for Humphries? It starts with Johnson after the team’s victory against the Wizards, when Humphries contributed a surprising and inspired 21 points and 16 rebounds.

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"Here, you've got some drool."

The other day, I pointed out that there was a good possibility that Kris Humphries is just a big, dumb oaf who didn’t quite understand what he got himself into when he “married” Kim Kardashian a few months ago. And if his appearance on “Good Morning America” wasn’t enough evidence for you, his return to the New Jersey Nets should be all you’ll ever need.

In his first game since signing a one-year contract to inevitably be a part of a deal for Dwight Howard – *shakes fist at the heavens* – Humphries scored 0 points in just under 6 minutes of play. And if you’re wondering if New York Knicks fans were cordial with the former Mr. Kardashian, well, they were something.

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Down by 3 points to Carl Edwards in the Sprint Cup Series standings, Tony Stewart won the Ford 400 – the final race of the Chase – yesterday to tie Edwards, marking the first time in NASCAR history that the season ended at a draw. Fortunately for Stewart, he had 5 wins on the season to Edwards’ 1, which means that Smoke is the 2011 Sprint Cup Champion. And that’s awesome for Stewart and his fans, especially how he won in dramatic fashion after sucking for a good chunk of the year, but nobody cares about that today.

The other, much more scandalous story out of the Homestead-Miami Speedway is that First Lady Michelle Obama and Vice President Joe Biden’s wife, Jill, hosted a barbecue for some military service members and their families before the race, and that’s awesome because I love anything that honors our soldiers and shows them some appreciation, whether it be some ribs and burgers at the racetrack or slow grinding against Mila Kunis.

So of course when Michelle and Jill – we’re cool like that – were introduced to the crowd before the race, they were booed. YOU GOT YER POLATICKS IN MAH VROOM VROOMS!

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To blame Eli Manning for the New York Giants’ offensive woes is a bit unfair. After all, it’s not like he’s single-handedly tossing his receivers into traffic, and we are only two weeks into the season. But Giants fans were nonetheless booing their former Super Bowl MVP quarterback against the St. Louis Rams last night, despite Manning leading them to a 28-16 win with 200 passing yards and 2 touchdowns.

So how did Manning react to the negative stirrings of his Big Blue faithful? He said, “You crazy, girlfriend” and passed the boos off to those loathsome Rams that Giants fans have such a history of hating.

Video of Eli’s pride after the jump. Kudos to NBC’s satellite team for beaming it in from whatever planet he’s on.

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While the New York Knicks were losing 113-97 to the Dallas Mavericks last night at Madison Square Garden, fans were taking their frustrations out on an unsuspecting pint-sized victim – Justin Bieber. The “Baby Baby Baby” crooner was shown on the jumbotron during the game, wearing large pink sunglasses. And then glory rang free as the crowd unleashed a loud chorus of boos on the teenage idol.

While he was clearly not expecting that welcome from the crowd, he should have been expecting it because: 1) He’s Justin Bieber; B) They’re New York sports fans; III) He was wearing large pink sunglasses; d) He’s Justin-freaking-Bieber. Now I’m sure the MILFs out there are going to say, “Come on, Burnsy, do you seriously condone a crowd of mostly adults picking on a kid?” When that kid has more money than teenage Jesus, then yes, I condone it.

Glorious video of New York redemption after the jump…

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