Meet The Bro Who Is Dragging A Giant Pair Of Boobs Across Antarctica For Charity

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.28.13

Antarctica is suddenly becoming a hot spot for giant breasts, as it started with Kate Upton and Sports Illustrated taking a trip to the South Pole to shoot the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and will continue with one man’s strange-but-awesome quest to break a world record. Specifically, adventurer Geoff Wilson is currently training for a November expedition to Antarctica, where he will set out to break the world record for a solo trip covering more than 1,675 miles of ice and, presumably, penguin doodies.

Why in God’s name would Wilson do something this insane when the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas is running awesome specials for winter months? He’s doing it for charity, of course. Wilson’s actual goal is to raise $1 million for breast cancer awareness and the McGrath Foundation with his “Pink Polar Expedition” that will feature him dragging a giant pair of pink breasts with him on his journey.

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On Its 30th Birthday, Hooters Is Going Straight Edge With A Family Makeover

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.22.13

As we learned during Saturday’s UFC on FX 7 live discussion, Dana White’s empire has once again teamed with the restaurant franchise Hooters to make it the official watch party location for the new season of The Ultimate Fighter, which debuts tonight at 8 PM on FX. So if you’re excited about Team Sonnen vs. Team Jones – as you should be – and you also prefer your fried food to be delivered by the daughters of former hair metal video vixens, then today is your Christmas.

Alas, I type before you today with a heavy heart as the bearer of bad news. It seems, friends, that the fine people at the Buffalo wing breastuary have decided that Hooters, in spite of its empowering history, needs a makeover. That’s right, the franchise that helped a young Jon Gruden earn his first paycheck and many a sorority girl sidestep membership fees on SeekingArrangements.com is going “family friendly”.

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The Most Important Movement Of 2013 Is Alive: @Boobs Accounts Are Bouncing All Over!

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.17.13

Yesterday, before all of the awesomeness went down and our brains collectively melted and boiled until nothing was left, we briefly discussed the rise of the popular Twitter account @KUboobs, which celebrates Kansas Jayhawks basketball with breasts. Specifically, the account accepts and Tweets mostly-SFW photos that female KU fans send of their cleavage and whatnot. I believe that the late, great comedian Patrice O’Neal had a more technical name for it all.

Since the account was created last February, KU Boobs has amassed more than 22,000 followers, which doesn’t sound like much for a sports fan account, but the bulk of those fans have arrived over the past several weeks as perv-o bloggers like yours truly have caught wind of this delightful new trend. And yesterday, I, like many others, made the request – nay, DEMAND! – that other schools take up this new trend and display the boobular support for their men’s basketball teams.

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God Bless The Internet: KU Boobs Makes The Kansas Jayhawks No. 1 In Our Book

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.16.13

I have a confession to make – since my favorite NCAA men’s basketball team, UCF, is currently serving a one-year postseason ban for all sorts of cheating goodness, I’ve been a little less than enthusiastic about the 2012-13 season. However, I did start catching up the other day for the sake of giving some more coverage around these parts, and what I’ve learned is:

  • Kentucky sucks.
  • UNC sucks.
  • Duke is starting to suck.
  • Louisville is awesome.

I’m sure there’s some more important information that I need to catch up on, but the people on the Tweeters, as well as my crack research team and fact checkers have told me that the above information is completely correct. That said, I have apparently been missing the hottest gimmick Twitter account on this entire planet in @KUboobs, which is nothing but pictures of female Kansas Jayhawks fans showing off their rock and chalk, so to speak. And this has been around for almost a year. Shame on you, research team.

Look, I’m usually the first to decry a worn out or retread meme or Internet fad. But all of you female coeds out there, from the University of Miami to Washington State, listen to me very clearly – DO THIS FOR YOUR SPORTS TEAM. Seriously, start a new Twitter account now – like @ArizonaStateBoobs, for example, and by example I mean someone specifically do that one now – and get your school’s female fans to show their mostly-SFW pride for their college basketball team. Let’s ride this one out for all it’s worth until someone inevitably starts @PrincetonBulge and it’s all ruined.

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Hulk Hogan Is Now Opening Tampa’s Most Incredible ‘Breastaurant’

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.28.12

Hot off of the sex tape scandal that absolutely nobody on this planet ever asked for – except maybe the “It’s still real to me!” guy – TNA Impact Wrestling superstar/general manager Hulk Hogan has proudly announced his next big step in choking the life out of his cultural relevance. The Hulkster is opening a restaurant on Monday in his beloved hometown of Tampa, Florida, and it’s not just any old restaurant. Not with Hogan involved. Nope, he’s opening a “breastaurant”, because of course he is.

“It’s going to be Jimmy Buffett’s [Margaritaville] times 10; Hooters times 10. It’s a logical extension of the Hogan brand, with my image and likeness. We’re looking for something like Winter the Dolphin. In 36 years I’ve become so tangible to the public, and not just Americans. We have a chance to have an international draw.” (Via Tampa Bay Times)

And this won’t be like, for instance, Manning’s in New Orleans that just wraps slow service and sad portions up in the charm of Peyton and Eli memorabilia. No way, brother. Hogan’s going to be all up in this mess, making sure that the hot wings are hot and the boobies are a-bouncin’.

“I see myself almost like a general manager, creatively. I play a fake general manager on Impact Wrestling. But this is for real.”

Hogan’s Beach, which is a surprisingly tame name for a “breastaurant” that will be 10 times the ridiculousness of Hooters, will feature a mechanical shark, five sand volleyball courts, fire pits, beach cabanas and even live bands. The first act up for Hogan’s Beach? Sister Hazel on Valentine’s Day, mother f*ckers. Nothing says, “I love you, babe” like some “All for You” and food inspired by a guy who rubs suntan oil into his daughter’s butt.

If all goes well and this restaurant is a smash, CMT could launch a reality show about the actual restaurant’s day-to-day business, which Hogan described as “Bay Watch, Muscle Beach and Cheers all in one.” So if watching Hogan huff and puff through a session of “Hide the Leather Thermos” was too much for you, you’ll soon be able to watch him hit on 18-year old sorority girls. God bless America.

Oh, and if this song isn’t performed on the main stage by March, then Hogan will never have my business…

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A Pleasant Hug From A Soccer Fan! Guess What Happens Next

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.30.12

If you guessed “the biggest imaginary load ever shot by man, European cursing and a police ass escort”, congratulations! (via OTB)

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