Stefan Struve Reminded Us At UFC On FUEL 8 Why Getting Punched In The Face Sucks

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.04.13

Stefan Struve celebrated his 25th birthday on Friday, one day before what was supposed to be his biggest win for his young UFC Heavyweight career. And he knew his matchup with Mark Hunt was going to be a big one, because a win would put him one step closer to a championship fight. In fact, Struve even said this prior to his co-main event match on UFC on FUEL TV 8 in Japan:

“It’s going to be another step to the belt, in my opinion,” Struve said in explaining the benefits of topping Hunt this weekend. “With five wins in a row, I think I have a good bid for being one of the top contenders in the division. Perhaps I’ll earn a title shot at the end of the year.”

That would have been awesome, considering his young age and unique size at 7-feet tall, because the Heavyweight division could certainly use some new blood and personality. That would have been awesome. Would have.

Unfortunately, Struve’s grand scheme hit a minor snag in the form of a left hook from Hunt that looked like this…

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Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Super Secret Cover Spoiler: Kate Upton Is Hot

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.18.12

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model and 2011 With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year Kate Upton spent 10 days on a cruise from Argentina to Antarctica for a top secret photo shoot for next year’s iconic bathing suit issue, and it’s so on the hush-hush that TMZ found about it and posted a bunch of pictures. Of course, the world’s leading experts in online journalism also took us to class on how you write an opening sentence.

Kate Upton and Lindsay Lohan have something in common … because Kate’s assets were FROZEN recently — when the curvaceous 20-year-old model stripped down to her skivvies for an Antarctica photo shoot … where the temperature hit 35 BELOW!!!

Boom, bagging on Lohan and celebrating Upton’s bags in the same sentence is writing we can get behind. But also mentioned is the fact that Oreo, in celebrating its 100th birthday, teamed up with SI to send a giant cookie mascot to Antarctica to freeze his ass off with Upton in the absurdly cold weather. And the strangest thing is that I wrote in my diary that if and when I’m finally taken from this Earth, I want to be dressed as an Oreo cookie while hugging Upton. Eerie.

Naturally, because Upton is such a strangely controversial figure, some sites that I won’t bother linking to are already branding the 20-year old with a Scarlet F for Fatty because she’s just such a moo cow that clearly disgusts so many men and women alike. But I’ll let TMZ go ahead and take us home with the most TMZ closing line possible…

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You Guys, We Should Be Watching Hockey

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.07.12

As we touched on yesterday, the NHL and NBC are having a little trouble getting people to watch the Stanley Cup Finals, mainly because New Jersey and Los Angeles don’t have the biggest fan bases, but also because nobody knows what channel the games are on. It also doesn’t help that the NBA has ridiculous conference finals series happening right now either.

But something happened during last night’s Game 4 of the Cup, and I’m not talking about the Devils mustering everything they had to pull out a 3-1 victory and stay alive against the molten-lava-hot Kings. I’m talking about the epic juggery (above) that showed up next to Devils coach Peter DeBoer’s head.

Turns out them chesticles belong to none other than adult film starlet Tay Stevens, and I’d like to take this moment to send an important memo to the NHL brass – MORE PORN STARS AT GAMES, PLEASE. After the jump, get to know Stevens a little better (semi-SFW) thanks to her Twitter account.

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Topless Women Threaten To Make The Euro 2012 Tournament More Exciting

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.24.12

Last we checked in on the Euro 2012 tournament, there were apparently stray dogs and soiled mattresses on the corners of every street in Kiev, but that wasn’t stopping European countries from sending their best soccer players to compete for the Henri Delaunay Trophy in between nailing every wannabe soccer WAG in sight.

Here’s a look at the Euro 2012 tournament field when action begins on June 8:

Um. There you have it. I think.

Unfortunately, the real news isn’t the actual games taking place in the Ukraine and Poland, but the trophy itself, as the radical Ukrainian feminist group FEMEN has tried and succeeded on multiple occasions to knock over the Delaunay Trophy during the preliminary trophy tour. But I don’t mean radical like, “GRRRRR VIOLENCE!” I mean it like, “Bro, they’re all topless.”

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Ever Wondered What It Would Look Like If A Bunch Of Playboy Playmates Tebowed?

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.16.12

When it comes to Playboy Magazine, I look at it a lot like “Saturday Night Live.” Both are iconic institutions that have created sources of inspiration for many people over the last three decades or more, and both were revolutionary at their respective times of inception. On the other hand, they’ve both been running on fumes creatively for roughly the last 10 years or so, as they’ve surrendered to the status quo instead of constantly trying to raise the bar, as any source of creativity and imagination should.

And while both are criticized immensely for their lack of effort and uninspired retreads, Playboy at least has boobies, and that’s why we’re here today. Despite Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos being on the wrong end of a 45-10 annihilation against the New England Patriots on Saturday, people still love them some Tebow, and that includes a bunch of Playboy Playmates, who spent last week Tweeting pictures of themselves Tebowing. Despite their best, incredibly sexy efforts, Tebow did not succumb to their seductive ways as he continues to save himself for the virginal Katy Perry.

On a sadder note, with the playoffs over for the Broncos, so ends the excitement that we’ve had with Tebowmania. Frankly, I’m a little exhausted from the whole thing, so unless some actual news suddenly breaks out, we’re gonna take a little break from discussing everything Tebow after today. At least for a day until I remember how awesome his name is for web traffic. Until then, bring on the sexy ladies!

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You’re Doing God’s Work, Fox Sports

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.02.12

The St. Louis Rams tried their hardest to put up one last fight in this incredibly disappointing season, as they scored 17 points in the 4th quarter to make the NFC West champion San Francisco 49ers really sweat over earning the No. 2 seed in the playoffs and a first round bye. Ultimately, the 49ers, led by my NFL MVP pick David Akers – he only kicked two more field goals and threw a touchdown, nothing special – defeated the Rams 34-27, and that’s awesome if you’re a 49ers fan but it sucks for Rams fans. Thankfully, one Fox Sports cameraman gave Rams fans a ray of light for their New Year.

During the third quarter, the cameraman in question caught bosomy Rams cheerleader Holly (seen above) on camera and gave her the completely unnecessary but totally appreciated slow motion treatment. Who says miracles only come at Christmas?

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