I really don’t want to know what’s happening in the lower half of that picture.

In news that made Jay Leno briefly consider starting up a sports blog, Louis Murphy of the Oakland Raiders got arrested over the weekend for possession of a Viagra™ without a valid prescription. He was also arrested on charges of failure to obey a police officer and resisting arrest, but there isn’t a lot Leno can do about that. Louis Murphy is in the news today, have you seen this, have you heard about this? He was pulled over by Gainesville police, who found eleven pills of Viagra. Getting arrested for Viagra! If the arrest takes more than four hours, you should consult your physician! [applause]

The sort of depressing aside to these wonderful Performance Enhancing Drugs jokes is that 1) the police pulled over a black guy in an Escalade for playing his music too loud, 2) instead of pulling over, Murphy just drove to a public parking lot, got out of his car and started walking away like nothing was happening, 3) he refused to show them ID and 4) nobody else from the Raiders was around to help him cheat his way out of it. The other depressing aside is that Murphy is 23-years old and possessed more than a sample pack of dick medication.

I only want to comment on this so much, both because hard-on jokes are lazy and because the whole thing reeks of Radio Raheem and I don’t want anybody whipping a trashcan through the window of Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum.

[Gainesville.com]

There’s a new ad circulating around in your television someplace about one of those pills that supposedly makes your penis bigger. I have no qualms with a bigger wang, but I’m just loathe to sticking random things in my mouth. Like pills. Unless Jimmy Johnson tells me it’s all good.

“So if you want that maximum performance edge everyday, I say go long with [redacted]…I do!

Jimmy knows a thing about penises. He used to coach at Miami. Video of the ad after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

From the brave and courageous masturbators over at Busted Coverage comes this preview of the fackin’ New England Patriots cheerleaders in their Halloween costumes.

Let’s see. We got ourselves a Xena, which is very nice. Ooh! Ooh! And there’s a biker chick too! NICE. That’s real nice. But I gotta ask: what’s with the chick in the chef’s toque? C’mon, man. You got girls dressed up as sailors and whores, then you’re gonna make one of them run out onto the field as Mario Batali? Sure, the man makes a fine saltimbocca, but he’s still a big ugly orange guy, even after six bottles of Barolo.

Get that girl one of Giada de Laurentiis’ tight sweaters ASAP, Mr. Kraft!

This is UFC All Access host Rachelle Leah. Dunno who she is? Well, perhaps her getting naked might help you keep her name top of mind. Leah is the cover girl for this month’s issue of Playboy magazine. Judging by the above video, many of her pictures were taken while draped in Christmas tree tinsel, which is often overlooked as a boner-inducing accessory.

Rachelle is Sicilian, which as you know means she has twenty different things she can do when she lies to give herself away. Twenty different… pantomimes. Man’s got seventeen. But Rachelle’s got twenty. But you probably won’t notice any of those pantomimes while she’s undressed.

UPDATE: NSFW images of Rachelle’s shoot are at On205th.

I admit, I'm the cautious sort. Like, when I took my tank down a narrow road into an Iraqi palmetto grove, I moved pretty slowly. I kind of like doing little things like that that give me a better chance to live longer… like wearing a seatbelt, living in a yuppie neighborhood, and not having sex with Paris Hilton. And not mountain biking along ravines.

BUT, if I were to go mountain biking on a narrow path above a ravine, and my two buddies said, "Be careful, that's a helluva drop," not once but three times… well, maybe I'd get off my bike and walk it. But that's just me.

"Did you film it?"

"Yeah."

Awesome.