Forbes magazine today released their annual The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities, a top 100 list that ranks stars based on press coverage, social media buzz and whose agents paid Forbes the most money to put them on a list. At the top of this year’s 100: Jennifer Lopez, who was settling nicely into obscurity as that lady on Eric Cartman’s hand in an old episode of ‘South Park’ before ‘American Idol’ rocketed her back to prominence. Former American Idol winner Taylor Hicks also made the list, coming in at number 4,544,022 between Burnsy and the golden voiced homeless guy.
Tiger Woods managed to hang on as this year’s highest ranking sports celebrity, coming it at number 12. The only other sports guy in the top 25 was LeBron James at number 15, despite Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal coming it at numbers 2 and 3 in “Press Rank” behind Lady Gaga. I don’t know how much of this list is based on math and how much of it is based on people at Forbes trying to name 100 celebrities, so bear with me.
Here’s a full list of the sports personalities who ranked this year:
49ers Fans Voted No. 1 In Refusing To Leave A Playoff Game After Being Pepper Sprayed - I don’t care how much football is happening, if I get sprayed with pepper spray I’m either slitting throats or being driven the hell home sobbing. No inbetween. [Bay Bridge Banter]
Your NFL Recap: 10 Things Learned From Championship Sunday - Thing 11: Don’t be Joe Flacco. Thing 12: If Joe Flacco says you should be talking more about Joe Flacco, ignore him and write some more about Tom Brady. Tom Brady is the baddest man on the planet. [Smoking Section]
Caring Is Easy. Apathy Is Work. - Putting this Joe Paterno business into context the only way I understand. Probably the only thing written about this online that made me go “sh*t, he’s totally right”. [@KillPrint]
Puppy Bowl VIII Is Coming: Resistance Is Futile. Prepare For Your Doom - …and only With Leather will have exclusive interviews with the stars. Just kidding, I’m going to put up puppy pictures and have the responses just say arf arf arf. [Pajiba]
TV Gifs Of The Week - I think Lizzy Caplan and Alison Brie is my ultimate fantasy threesome. Wait, no, I take that back, it’s still Gina Carano and Rachel Maddow. Shut up, I have awesome taste. And gender issues. But awesome taste. [Warming Glow]
NBA Dance Party - Just one picture, but one you’ll never forget. I could probably write a novel about it. [Buzzfeed]
Final Fantasy XIII-2 Demo: Finally, Skyrim Meets Pokémon - If modern Finals Fantasy was 10% as fun as either of those games I wouldn’t have abandoned it when Yuna became a pop singing tomb raiding ninja. TELL GOOD STORIES, SQUARE. [Gamma Squad]
Justin Bieber Is Obsessed With The 1996 Mark Wahlberg Film Fear - As we all SHOULD be. I hope if he remakes it he carries over Marky Mark’s accent. His pronunciation of “Mister Walker” as “missaWAHkah” is the best part. OH NO MISSAWAHKAH I WOULD NEVAH DO DAT TO YA DAUGHTAH. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of ‘Parks And Recreation’s’ #Jerry Gergich - Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What’d you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife? [UPROXX]
Bon Jovi + Bon Iver = Bon Joviver - Try this: do an impression of what you think a 6-year old falsetto in a church choir sounds like. There you go, you just sang Bon Iver’s last 15 songs. [UPROXX]