A reader sent Don Chavez this picture of Wes Welker at the Kentucky Derby asking a photographer to check to see if any of his trademark grit has gotten between his teeth. Is there a Masshole alive who isn't going to print this out, cut a mouth hole and put it over their girlfriend's face? Now that Spygate is over, we're forced to feed our Patriots animus with embarrassing drunk photos and wondering why Tom Brady refuses to wear any Boston team paraphernalia in his free time. Nice Giants hat yesterday, Tom. That's a subtle dig.

Chavez spots a resemblance between blondey and the girl who had a Patriots Super Bowl ring stuffed in her cleavage from a few months ago. I'm not so sure, but it'll take a few more minutes of one-handed typing just to make certain. 

"Hey there, Little Missy. Got something here to wet your whistle. No, no, don't bother with the cups. Despite how nattily dressed I am with my green vest, I am quite relaxed with clubbing conduct. Now, let's open up the dam, this Goose wants to sit on the pond."

Don Chavez has a some photos of Reggie Miller's latest night on the town involved bottling feeding vodka to young somethings and generally just having a good time. Not a real hotbed of scandal. But what if that girl were Miley Cyrus? Yeah, she's not. Clearly Asian. But what if she were the Miley Cyrus of Asia? Well, then she'd have been the sex queen of Japan a few years ago. Cyrus is too old for Japanese guys now.

All the wonderful things I learned by watching News 3 Nightside:

1. Shaq can't punch.
2. Ladies of Las Vegas – Gerard Ramalho is an average size man.
3. The local Vegas news isn't anchored by topless dancing girls like it is in my dreams.
4. Mispronouncing common idioms like "shake a stick at" is funny, even if it is your job.
5. Dennis Rodman attracts trouble.  Poor guy, why can't people just leave him alone?
6. Kevin Duckworth changed his name to Clarence McGee.

Exciting new business opportunity: Train Strippers in martial arts and give them hand guns, so I can write off $1000s at a time on my expense report. Do you think the Chief will go for that? -KD