Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Kate Upton.

It is not an easy task to put together a list, such as the Greatest Sports Moments of 2012, specifically because so many things happen in any given year that it’s all but impossible to universally gauge which one event or person is greater than another. But since we’re just a couple dudes who like to make fun of stuff and almost always ignore actual sports news, it’s really quite easy.

With that said, here’s a quick breakdown of how our team of fact checkers and sports analyst number crunchers determine which people, places and things were the most important and influential in 2012…

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Despite the team’s on-field struggles and reports of growing dissension in the clubhouse, Red Sox team president Larry Lucchino stated earlier today that manager Bobby Valentine will remain with the team at least until the end of this season.

Red Sox president Larry Lucchino left no doubt about Bobby Valentine’s fate for the short term, stating in no uncertain terms his manager won’t be fired before the end of the season.

In an interview Thursday morning on Boston sports radio station WEEI, he was asked by host John Dennis whether Valentine would “unequivocally” remain as manager for the rest of this season. Lucchino replied with a simple “yes.” [ESPN]

Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Ideally you’d like a little more elaboration on your job status from your boss than a one-word answer, but I suppose it’s better than nothing. Three letters better, to be exact. Anyway, I mainly bring this up because I just wanted to remind all of you that one time Bobby Valentine got ejected from a baseball game he was managing, then put on a fake mustache and snuck back into the dugout only to be spotted by the umpire and ejected again one inning later.

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Bobby Valentine has been named manager of the Boston Red Sox. The report, with just the right amount of snark, from the New York Post:

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry took on an entirely new dimension last night when Boston reached a verbal agreement with Bobby Valentine — who never met a spotlight he didn’t try to outshine — to become the 45th manager in franchise history.

Valentine, according to a source, was flying last night from Japan, where the former Mets manager participated in a charity event and made personal appearances, to Boston to sign a contract. A news conference is expected to be held tomorrow.

Two important things you need to know:

- Keeping in mind that the only real quantitative success the Boston Red Sox have had in the last 100 years was through thinking outside the box with a roster of eccentric personalities, an eccentric personality who thinks outside the box like Bobby Valentine is a great fit at manager. Also, he’s not Terry Francona, who can be be singularly blamed for every Boston-related problem to happen over the last 2-5 years.

- Bobby Valentine doesn’t just give the thumbs up or thumbs down to sandwiches, he invents them. According to Bobby Valentine, Bobby Valentine invented the wrap sandwich when a customer at his Bobby Valentine’s Sports Gallery Cafe ordered a club and the toaster was broken. You can thank today’s Hot Clicks for that little chestnut. Bobby Valentine also invented the chestnut when a hungry squirrel wandered into his restaurant and they were out of tater skins.

Personally I think the best part of the story is that it was broken by Tommy LaSorda, as all good stories are.

In news that will undoubtedly cast a sullen shadow over the world of baseball, ESPN has announced that after 21 years, Jon Miller and Joe Morgan will not be returning to Sunday Night Baseball next season. As the contracts of both announcers have expired, Miller may be rehired to work some radio on Sunday night games and possibly some postseason action, but according to a very short statement by the Worldwide Leader, Morgan is gonezo.

ESPN representatives claim that they’re looking to take the Sunday Night brand in a new direction with new faces and voices – presumably those that don’t make up stories and statistics like Morgan. Miller was recently inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame for his broadcasting work, and he’s still working for the San Francisco Giants, but Morgan’s future in the broadcasting business is a big question mark. And if you ask him, it’s the biggest, most important question mark in the last 30 years of baseball.

Roll out the Norby Williamson Experience, ESPN…

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