You wish, Yankees.

With Spring Training here, it’s time for the most important part of any Major League Baseball preseason – checking out what kind of free stuff teams will be giving away this season. Naturally, most major market and successful teams worth a lick will be giving away the standards like t-shirts and hats, but teams that don’t do as well in drawing fans are sort of like fat girls in the bedroom, in that they need to be better at… certain things.

No team knows this better than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who are trying to gain more fan support not only for the sake of making money, but also to secure a new stadium deal. Of course this means that the team would need some pretty sweet freebies for the Rays faithful, and according to Tampa Bay Times beat writer Marc Topkin, Rays fans will be getting only the best this season.

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I’m not a big fan of the term “almost racist,” but this Ryan Howard promotional garden gnome seems worthy of such a contrived, quixotic phrase. Something is either racist or it isn’t. Annette John-Hall, an Inquirer columnist who happens to be an African-American woman, respectfully disagrees.

This is all starting to veer dangerously close to lawn-ornament territory, and we all know that history.

We do? Sorry, I’m not much of a gardener. Read the rest of this entry »

Tuesday evening, the Las Vegas 51s, the Triple-A affiliate of the Toronto Blue Jays, held what I am sure was a very popular promotion, Holly Madison Bobblehead Night. Miss Madison threw out the first pitch and then did what she does best: pose for photos while looking purty.

Just looking at the above photo, it becomes instantly apparent that the miniature facsimile of Hugh Hefner’s former favorite diaper-changer and the real thing, seen here seductively caressing the doll, cradling it oh so gently as she slowly brings it down and softly places it against her ample…and…uh…

Um, wait. Where was I? Oh yeah, the bobblehead and the real Holly are a lot alike. Sort of. But I’m not here to judge, but to instead lustily gawk at the former starlet from The Girls Next Door. Stick to what you know, right? Hey, just like the Las Vegas 51s and clever promotional events.

The first 2,000 fans through the gates will receive a Holly Madison Bobblehead!

Madison is currently starring in “Peep Show” at Planet Hollywood!

She is an American model and television personality, best known for appearing as Hugh Hefner’s number one girlfriend with Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson on the reality TV series The Girls Next Door. Holly also appeared as a contestant on the eighth season of Dancing with the Stars and “Holly World” on the E! Entertainment TV. -Las Vegas 51s Official Site.

Fan-frickin’-tastic. The intoxicating combination of Las Vegas, minor league baseball, bobbleheads and bobbly boobies: it’s a good thing. Much like keeping your pants on at a coffee shop, a lesson I just learned in the most embarrassing way possible. Go ahead, keep staring, ya slack-jawed gawkers. Haven’t you ever seen a grown man wearing Underoos before? Prudes.

More images of the lovely Holly after the jump (via). Read the rest of this entry »