Every few years, a TV network or a shoe company decides that sports guys should be super heroes. It happened with NFL Superpro, it happened with the Super Sluggers and now it’s happening to Kevin Durant. Or a Powerpuff Girl that sorta looks like Durant, I haven’t figured it out yet.

From the YouTube description:

The evil Dr. Deflation has escaped from Air Max security prison and is hellbent on stealing all of the world’s air. The Air Alliance made up of Charles Barkley, Ken Griffey Jr., Bo Jackson, Clay Matthews, Kevin Durant, Megan Rapinoe, and Allyson Felix, are on a mission to defeat him. Nike’s best Air products are available at Foot Locker including the Nike Air Max Griffey Fury, Nike Diamond Turf II, and the Nike Air Max NM.

If I’m making a Kevin Durant super hero named “Durantula” I’m gonna give him eight arms, or at least some sort of spider power more obvious than creating basketball Hadoukens.

Regardless, check out the preview video after the jump.

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In an announcement akin to holding a Christmas present that feels like it’s jeans and opening it to find out that, yep, it’s jeans, the Carolina Panthers have made rookie Cam Newton their official Week 1 starter against the Arizona Cardinals. To date, Newton has thrown one (1) 10-yard touchdown pass in handful of preseason appearances, but according to Panthers head coach Ron Rivera, that speaks for itself.

“It speaks for itself,” Rivera said. “With what Cam’s done and the direction we’re headed with this football team, in all honesty he is our starter. He is going to grow as a starter and we’re going to grow as a football team. It’s not just about him. It’s about the rest of us growing in our system.

“We didn’t draft Cam to the be savior. We drafted him to help lead this football team.”

Derek Anderson will be his back-up, with Jimmy Clausen sitting in the locker room somewhere practicing his John 16:33 facepaint, because Carolina totally needed a Tim Tebow that no one wants.

Unless you count the time he sang Justin Bieber in public, nothing about Cam Newton’s preseason was damning. Normal rookie mistakes, like locking onto receivers early, throwing into double-coverage and not being able to accurately hit a three-man target. He’s got a strong arm, he moves well and he looks more confident every time he plays … and if the Panthers really wanted the lowest-possible-rent Michael Vick, why not go ahead and start him?

“I did but I didn’t expect anything given to me. It doesn’t stop here. I can’t sit back and say I’ve arrived because we have a long way to go,” said Newton.

Some people are looking at the situation a little differently.

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Sports

The Most Unfair Characters in Video Game History - Bo Jackson from Tecmo Bowl, the Miami Heat from NBA 2K11 and Michael Vick from every football game for like four years are included on this list, right alongside Dr. Wily. If we’re throwing in people from sports games, I’d like to nominate the entire roster of the American Dreams from Baseball Stars. [Smoking Section]

Behind Every Man: A Retrospective on Derek Jeter’s 3,000 Hits, Women - The most important aspect of Derek Jeter getting to 3,000 hits is that he has slept with (or at least Troy McClure-dated) nearly every attractive woman in Hollywood. I’d invite Jeter to my birthday party, but I’d be afraid he’d show up with Hayley from Paramore or whoever and just make out with her in front of me. I hate you, Derek Jeter >.< [With Leather]

Best and Worst of Raw 7/11: The Defining Moment of Our Generation - Actual important and cool things are happening on pro wrestling, so if you are one of those types who cheered for Stone Cold Steve Austin with your friends and haven’t given a sh:t since, jump in here and read all about it. Or, you know, don’t support the good stuff and we’ll have 10 more years of meandering crap. [With Leather]

On This Day in MMA History: July 12 - If you don’t like wrestling, you’ve probably never seen this baby photo of Brock Lesnar, and it is even better than you’re imagining. If I had three wishes, one of them would be to own a Baby Brock Lesnar. [Cage Potato]

Not Sports

RIP Sherwood Schwartz - Matt Ufford wrote a quicky eulogy for this guy, but he was actually super important to my life. I was a hyper-advanced only child without any form of ADD, so I spent way too much of my childhood staring at TV reruns, and without Sherwood Schwartz I would’ve been miserable and stuck watching NOVA. The Brady Bunch is shoot one of my favorite shows of all time, and last seasons Jan is the foxiest pre-birth crush ever. [Warming Glow]

Supercut: Cinemas Dirtiest Dirty Talk - I was hoping both American Psycho and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon would be in this, and I wasn’t disappointed. Not the kind of thing you should watch in front of people, but the kind of thing you should watch. [Film Drunk]

Meme Watch: The Zuckerberg Note Pass Is the Meme That Keeps on Giving - I feel bad that I think of Jesse Eisenberg now whenever I hear “Mark Zuckerberg”, to the point that real pictures of the guy look like an imposter. I wonder if Eisenberg is actually Facebook friends with Rashida Jones? [Uproxx]

The Live-Action Akira Has Finally Reached Its Apocalypse - The fact that the Akira movie is never going to get made is one of those things that help me know God exists. They wanted to make it about Keanu Reeves shooting machine guns and doing kung-fu with his motorcycle. Jesus Christ. [Gamma Squad]

“meh, she’s just alright” – The Internet

Sports

Kate Upton is Good At Commercials - I’m pretty happy that the hottest woman ever’s first real moment of celebrity was posing in Sports Illustrated, which has a big SPORTS on the cover, which means I can post her here all I want and it counts as sports. Extra points for SoBe’s callous use of “Teach Me How To Dougie” in a post-M-Bone world. [Warming Glow]

Bill Simmons is God of Hollywood - KSK gives the Sport’s Guy’s recent manifesto about Ryan Reynolds the Fire Joe Morgan treatment, which essentially makes it the longest thing ever written on the Internet. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Here’s a Picture of Derek Jeter’s Balls - I’m happy we made it through over 100 years of baseball before the Internet showed up and made that “balls = testicles” joke so omnipresent. Trufax: I don’t want to look at either interpretation of Jeter’s balls. [Smoking Section]

Bo. Source: Bo. - Two consecutive days of Bo coverage! Tomorrow is a statistical breakdown of how and why Ronnie Lott was the MVP of Tecmo Bowl and not Bo. [SBN]

Not Sports

The Craziest (and Coolest) Celebrity Items Ever Listed and Purchased at Auctions - Including a tissue snotted into by Scarlett Johansson, which replaces “Traci Brooks’ Ring-Worn Bra” as things I would probably buy but won’t, and won’t tell anyone about. [Uproxx]

The First Two Minutes of Bioshock Infinite’s E3 Demo - As cool as this looks, I feel like nothing’s going to ever be as great as that first time you play through the first Bioshock. I don’t want weapons upgrades, I want references to wordy-ass literature! [Gamma Squad]

Three Countries Hate Captain America - I also would’ve accepted the headline “several countries including America hate Chris Evans”. Seriously, why do they keep casting handsome Hollywood comic relief guys as my gritty Golden Age superheroes? The Dark Knight Returns, starring Bradley Cooper as Batman! [Film Drunk]

Casey Anthony Party Photos - Girls who look like Kristen Wiig and probably murdered a baby #cangetit [EgoTV]

Hey, welcome back. How was your Independence Day, assuming you’re American? Mine was great. It’s so dry in Texas right now that a Bic lighter flick would set half of Austin on fire, so my fireworks experience was limited to what I could see on TV and what I could see glaring out of my window into the parking lot at like 11:30.

Sports

PoV: Bo Jackson Climbs An Outfield Wall - Bo Jackson’s legacy these days is basically Tecmo Bowl, but he was really something special in his prime. Imagine Albert Pujols, except super fast and scaling walls. That’s either the best baseball player ever or a terrifying nightmare. [Smoking Section]

Fausto Carmona’s Bogus Journey - If you were Away From Computer yesterday (and you probably should’ve been) we did a full day of updates, including this little gem about Fausto Carmona’s haphazard rollerblade trip to first base in Saturday’s Tribe game. As my good friend Davey Vega put it, “he should probably just retire”. [With Leather]

When Patriotism Goes Wrong: The Best of Fireworks Fails - We also covered “sort-of not sports” yesterday, including this gallery of people getting hit (or pretending to get hit) in the johnson with fire. [With Leather]

Welcome Back, Doomsayers - Kissing Suzy Kolber returns from its sexy vacation, so now there is 100% less of that busty Dolphins girl on my With Leather sidebar. [KSK]

Not Sports

Thor Sequel to Be Less Shakespearey - …which is too bad, because it’s going to be opening on the same weekend as Batman 3, Spider-Man negative one, Iron Man and Hulk Ultimate Team-Up, What If: The Movie starring The Punisher and probably Wolverine, six concurrent Superman movies, a Booster Gold mini-series and parts 1 and 3 of a Flaming Carrot trilogy. Picture of Kat Dennings somewhat related. [Film Drunk]

Man Who Unleashed Rebecca Black On the World Tries Again - I like that the guys who were so bad at music and videos it became a phenomenon are now saying they “masterminded” Rebecca Black’s rise to stardom. Sure, and I masterminded my toe into the coffee table this morning. [Uproxx]

Over 12 Minutes of Batman: Arkham City - I may have to stop blogging for a couple of weeks when this gets released. If you come to With Leather and it’s just two posts by Burnsy and gallery of me playing PS3, you’ll know what happened. Dear God, make this come out right now. [Gamma Squad]

The Ten Best Corgi Blogs On the Web - Arguably every corgi blog on the web is one of the best, except for that weird racist one. I’m just kidding, but you know there’s a racist corgi blog somewhere. If not, I’m gonna start one. [Warming Glow]

In case you haven't read it already, I highly recommend ESPN.com's E-ticket piece on Bo Jackson.  It examines Bo's life twenty years after his rise to prominence, covering everything from his Paul Bunyan-like mythology to the memorable marketing campaign to his simple life in suburban Chicago, where his extracurricular pleasures include bow-hunting and being intense.  The story leads off with what would sound like a tall tale if it were anyone besides Bo Jackson:

From behind the wheel of an obscenely muscled Dodge pickup, Vincent Edward "Bo" Jackson is reminiscing about the time he took down a 300-pound bear from point-blank range with a .45-caliber pistol… and if you're wondering whether Bo was scared, hell no, Bo was not scared. Not even when that bear got so close Bo and his hunting companion could see the hairs bolt upright like pine needles on the back of its neck…

The way Bo tells it, he waited as long as he could, then he fired a slug into that bear's skull. The bear kept coming. His buddy yelled, "Shoot him again!" and Bo shot him again, firing another bullet directly into the bear's noggin. Bo 2, Bear 0. And then Bo skinned that bear on the spot and dragged the 70-pound hide the half-mile back to camp. Of course he did.

Oh sure, it sounds impressive.  If you're a coward or a weakling.  Three hundred pounds isn't even that big for a bear.  Black bears weigh up to 600 pounds, while the more ferocious grizzly bear tops out at 1500 pounds.  That bear was smaller than Tony Siragusa.  And less deserving of a bullet in the skull.