… but then she cried and they found out her fantasy league was full of made-up players without faces, so they’re probably just going to let her play.

Jim Tressel, however, is not so lucky. In a good and fair move (in response to a move that seemed pretty shifty), the Indianapolis Colts have decided to suspend the employment of their new gameday consultant and former Ohio State head coach for the first six games of the season, giving him more or less the same treatment ex-OSU quarterback Terrelle Pryor got when the league suspended him for five. The move was reportedly Tressel’s own, decided upon after meeting with the team.

A statement from Colts president Bill Polian included the following, so decide how phony you think everyone is as you go:

“After the announcement of Coach Jim Tressel’s agreement to join the Colts as a game day consultant, questions were raised with respect to the equity of his appointment as opposed to suspensions being served this season by present and former Ohio State players.

“Over the weekend Coach Tressel, Mr. Irsay, Coach Caldwell and I had a discussion of the issue. In addition, we had a conversation with league officials to apprise them of the details of Coach Tressel’s employment and the issues we were reviewing.

“At Coach Tressel’s suggestion, and with Mr. Irsay’s concurrence and support, we have decided to begin Coach Tressel’s employment effective with our seventh regular season game. We have informed the league office of our decision and expect that they will be supportive of it.

“We are very happy Coach Tressel will be joining us.”

I’m still not 100-percent on the whole “getting suspended by the NFL for NCAA violations” thing, and as Yahoo commenter soxfannh astutely put it before deciding to use the word “retarded”, it’s like “being sent home from a job at Burger King because you dropped a few hamburger buns on the floor while you worked at McDonald’s”. Tressel making the noble choice to sit as punishment for crimes they wouldn’t have hired him in the NFL over if anyone actually cared about them seems like a really empty gesture, and only works as appropriate when you consider the logic gaps it fills in and the class difference it helps balance. You either have to care about the violations or not care about them. Don’t hire him if he did a bunch of bad stuff, or hire him in spite of the bad stuff because it doesn’t matter. One or the other.

Besides, does anyone really think Tressel is going to wake up on the morning after game six and feel like he’s finally paid back his debt to society? Is he going to go straight, only to be drawn back in for one big score when an Indy car dealership decides to cut him a deal because they like the Colts?

[h/t everyone around to write about sports on Labor Day]

It took four days for Indianapolis Colts GM Bill Polian to absolve Peyton Manning for what was essentially a game-ending interception in Sunday’s Super Bowl, and his remarks were eerily similar to Manning’s own “problems with protection” quip after the team’s 2005 playoff loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

“Our offensive line, by our standards, did not have a good game,” Polian said of Sunday’s performance. “They were outplayed by the Saints’ defensive line.”

So the Colts O-line–who were largely responsible for 99 yards rushing on 19 carries and didn’t allow a sack–was outplayed?

“… There were certain situations throughout the game where we didn’t execute — most notably, the failure to get the first down and run the clock out at the end of the first half after a magnificent goal-line stand and then, of course, the failure to handle the onside kick,” Polian said. “We had four things we could have done positively on that play. We didn’t do any of them. That absolutely changed the game. It went from our getting the ball on their 40-yard line to having them march down for a touchdown. Then, our inability to punch it in from first-and-goal on the 3. Those situations, we did not execute.” –NFL.com

So the Colts’ loss had nothing to do with the fact that Peyton Manning was driving down the field with a chance to tie the game…and didn’t tie the game? That was just a big footnote on the evening as a whole? Sure, Peyton threw a pick, but really the room service at the hotel that night was even worse! Just chill, Bill. At least you have that undefeated regular season to fall back on…Oh, right…