Sometimes things happen and I simply don’t need an explanation. For instance, the Georgetown Bulldog mascots, Jack and jack Jr., met with the Butler Bulldog mascots, Blue II and Blue III, today and I don’t care why. Unless some dicks from both universities were making the dogs fight each other for the ultimate right to the Bulldog name, in which case I’d have to step in and adopt these dogs and quit all four of my jobs to stay home and play with them all day.
Or maybe I’ll just kidnap them and do that anyway. Sounds like a plan.
Because no Bill Murray-related sports moment should go uncovered by this website, here’s a recap of The Murricane’s appearance in the 2012 Ryder Cup Captains & Celebrity Scramble at Medinah Country Golf Club on Tuesday. It began with him teaming up with golfer Tom Lehman and The Guy With The Hair from N*Sync, and ended with him leading the crowd in AMERICA chants and trying to pocket the cup.
Murray teamed up with Justin Timberlake, Dick Stockton and Tom Lehman to finish tied for second at 6-under par. The winning team consisted of Michael Phelps, George Lopez, Hal Sutton and Lanny Wadkins, who finished at 9-under.
I’m not happy knowing George Lopez can be better at something than Bill Murray, but it is what it is.
Video of Bill’s shenanigans is after the jump, followed by a clip of some of the other sports celebrities in attendance, including Phelps, Scottie Pippen and William ‘The Refrigerator’ Perry. And George Lopez.
"Buy me some Smirnoff Ice and Armani slacks, I don't care if I *mumble mumble*, bro."
Forgive me for that headline, as hyperbole usually isn’t in my wheelhouse, but holy Harry Caray, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler did a number on the classic Wrigley Field 7th inning stretch on Saturday. Our beloved J-Cutty was on hand at the Friendly Confines to throw out the first pitch and sing “Take me Out to the Ballgame” and it was just plain bad.
Cutler also spent the bottom half of the 7th inning in the booth with Bob Brenly and Len Kasper, and the entire package was just one epic disaster of awkwardness. Ultimately, it’s what I expected from the socially reluctant Cutler, who never seems like he wants to be anywhere. Hell, I thought the cherry on top was when he returned to his seat without the Cubs jersey that he was visibly struggling to button up as he entered the booth.
But hey, not everyone has to be a Cubs fan to appreciate tradition. However, would it be too much of me to ask these celebrities and Cubs fans to simply learn the lyrics to a short song that people have been singing for more than 100 years? I don’t think so. And to answer my own question, no. Cutler wasn’t the worst. Perhaps he was the most uninspired or uninterested, but there have been many far worse. And I have them to punish us all.
Grant Brisbee over at Baseball Nation shared Bill Murray’s speech from his induction into the South Atlantic League Hall of Fame, and I want to share it here for two reasons:
1. Bill Murray is the coolest guy in the entire world and should be inducted into everybody’s Hall Of Fame, if only for the speeches. 2. It needs to get remixed with clips of Max Fischer sitting in the crowd, taking notes.
The secret, apparently, is to find something you love to do and then do it for the rest of your life. For me, that’s listening to my favorite actor talk about baseball. Bill Murray Hall Of Fame speeches are my Rushmore.
As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as more intelligent and classy than other baseball fans, but I also have a heightened ability to identify which celebrities are better for teams than others. For instance, the Cardinals have Jon Hamm, Billy Bob Thornton and myself. That’s not a bad little group right there. But I’d trade almost anyone in a heartbeat to steal away the Chicago Cubs’ biggest fan, Bill Murray. Seriously, he’s so awesome as a fan that it almost makes us forget that Jeremy Piven is also a huge Cubby. Almost.
I watched all of yesterday’s 2-1 Cubs loss to the Washington Nationals – who have no celebrity fans, mind you – and Murray not only threw out the first pitch in his classic, hilarious fashion, but he also sang “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” with Big Head Todd, and then he stuck around to provide color commentary through the bottom half of the 7th. Even as Kerry Wood began blowing the game for the Cubs, Murray’s A-game was good enough to cushion the blow of a bad start to 2012.
And he’s been there the whole time, as evidenced by a little gem I dug up after the jump.
‘Sh*t Nobody Says’ And Providing Closure For A Played Out Meme - Closure, or an opening for someone to make a Sh*t Kate Upton Says that is nothing but here going LOL I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN TAKING PICTURES and sends it to me. [UPROXX]
Kate Upton Did Something Fun With Kids - Speaking of America’s Best Girl, here’s a picture of Kate putting her lips on a trophy. Not pictured: me collapsing and writhing around on the floor. [With Leather]
10 Television Series that Outstayed their Welcome - This is a pretty definitive list, if only for that last season of Roseanne. Scrubs outstayed its welcome the second time Zach Braff scrunched his face up and looked up and to the left to show us he’s “remembering”. [Warming Glow]
Hustle Blood: Big Boi’s 20 Best Guest Appearances - My favorite Big Boi appearance is on the Coors Light ads by the escalators in Tower City Mall you had to look at when you parked there to go to Indians games. [Smoking Section]
Stephen Colbert May Join The Race For The Republican Presidential Nomination - I’d vote for him, not because he’s funny, but because he could legitimately do a better job than most of these whack-jobs. [UPROXX]
DROP EVERYTHING! The new Bill Murray/Wes Anderson has a trailer. - YESSSSSSS. Wes Anderson is like crack to me, I don’t care if everything he does is “the same”. It isn’t, and he rules. [Film Drunk]
Repeat After Me: “I Will Not Take Tax Advice From Trina Or Any Rapper” - Once I tried to make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth. I thought she was just telling me to drink a lot of Sprite. [Smoking Section]
The Five Comics of the New 52 You Must Be Reading - The worst part of trying to make comic book jokes is that you can’t make up a fake premise like “a gritty reimagining of Crazy Quilt!” or “a five part mini-series revealing the origin of Paste Pot Pete” because somebody who writes comics has actually already done it thinking it would be funny/ironic/awesome. Somebody let me write comics, for Christ’s sakes. [Gamma Squad]
The 10 Boldest Comedians Of Our Time - Dat Phan! He does his Grandma’s voice! She’s Asian! [Buzzfeed]
12 Stars Who Got Their Start on ‘One Life to Live’ - I don’t want to fully out myself here, but All My Children or GTFO. [The FW]
Side-by-Side Comparison of Average-Sized Woman with a Supermodel Will Blow Out Your Mindhole - I appreciate this, but suggesting that any sized woman is “average sized” is pretty condescending. I’m sure the naturally skinny girl reading this feels great about being abnormal. [Pajiba]
Epic Surf Video: Biggest Teahupoo Ever, Shot On the Phantom Camera In Stunning HD - I can’t get any more sales-pitchy than that headline, so go watch this. At one point he wipes out because of a mystical tiki. [Brobible]
A Gallery of Comic-Con in 1980 - Now THIS is awesome. This is what you should be doing with your time, Internet, finding and sharing sh*t like this. [Unreality]
The UPROXX Network is made up of a variety of sites covering different topics with a range of points of view, but the one thing we all agree on is that Bill Murray is f**king awesome and should be humanity’s representative for everything. We’ve decided he should be 
Hustle Blood: Big Boi’s 20 Best Guest Appearances - My favorite Big Boi appearance is on the Coors Light ads by the escalators in Tower City Mall you had to look at when you parked there to go to Indians games. [
