Everyone remembers where they were when Miss World Italy was crowned in 2009.

There are several reasons that I don’t talk about organized religion at all, with the most notable being that the Vatican threatened to have me killed after my 600th request to replace the Virgin Mary in art with pictures of Kate Upton. But I also don’t talk about it because people take it very seriously, and I respect other people’s faith no matter what my personal beliefs are*.

Still, it is with great disappointment that I bring this news that the Miss World pageant – sadly, not organized or hosted by Courtney Love – has declared that this year’s competition will be free of bikinis and two-piece bathing suits in order to show respect to the host province of Bali and the immense Muslim population of Indonesia.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m not much of a gambling man, as I would hate to end up the subject of a 30-for-30-style documentary about incredibly handsome bloggers who blew their entire fortunes by losing money at picking Top Chef winners. I do, however, appreciate a good gentleman’s bet, or in this case a very attractive lady’s bet, in which money is cast aside for personal humiliation.

Unfortunately, I do not know the terms of the bet that resulted in a 23-year old Russian girl named Alina Borodina (above, as identified by Red Hot Russia) running through traffic on a busy street in just her bikini. What I do know is that Alina is a very wonderful person and I would very much like to introduce her to my mother. Also, her name rhymes and that means she might be a Disney princess, in which case she’s ridiculously wealthy.

While I don’t really have any further context to this video, I do have a theory as to why this woman “humiliated” herself by running around in a bikini.

Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, so this is the latest edition of ‘FilmStrip,’ a YouTube show where you have to answer trivia questions about whatever to get UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste to take off her clothes. It’s great and all, and you can watch the video after the jump, but I’ve got a couple of problems with it.

1. Arianny Celeste’s job is to be in a bikini. That’s what she does for a living. It’s actually kind of unique to see her wearing clothes at all. Why am I answering questions for the prize of seeing her look like she always looks? If I’m a Harry Potter fan, shouldn’t I be more excited to see her in a sexy Harry Potter Halloween costume than in a bikini?

2. Arianny Celeste has been in Playboy, nipple freckle and all, and it is maybe the easiest thing in the world to type “arianny celeste playboy” into Google and see like 45 pictures from it. That’s not to discount the joy of seeing her in a Maxim-style photoshoot or whatever (like this one, where she posed with soccer balls), but man, I don’t want to have to WORK for it.

3. Arianny Celeste reading Harry Potter facts from a cue card is sub-Olivia Munn levels of nerd pandering. It’s like when AOL FanHouse brought in fantasy football girls, and they were like AND NOW HERE IS STORY BOUT OAKLAND RADDERS and the world just went enghhhh.

Anyway, yes, I am stupid for worrying about any of that. Here is Arianny Celeste asking you how much you know about Harry Potter.

Read the rest of this entry »

An association of what, exactly?

Because Lingerie Football and the Bikini Hockey League can’t satiate America’s desire to see barely-trained women pretend to play sports in their underwear, the Bikini Basketball Association is about to become a thing.

The Smoking Section’s reaction to the news was YES, PLEASE!, so I’ll take the more weathered approach of staring at the computer screen for a few minutes, breathing deeply and resting my head on the desk. I’ve never understood bikini sports. They were probably a great idea in 1965, but in a world of repeating Brazzers ads I don’t really need almost-naked women bricking lay-ups to get my rocks off. I like sports, but I don’t need to finish mid-game to make them enjoyable. Also, isn’t the Bikini Whatever League sorta passe by now? Do we have to get all the way to Pro Panties Curling before we pack it in?

That being said, I put together a gallery of BBA ladies for your enjoyment, because of course I did. Also, I discovered a little Bikini Basketball League pre-season analysis on a Wu-Tang forum, which sounds about right:

I HAVE THAT BITCH ON MY INSTAGRAM ON THE LEFT SHES A WHoRE POTHEAD

I’ll let you figure out which picture he’s talking about.

Read the rest of this entry »

Thanks for failing me, UPROXX Network. The Bikini Hockey League had a Media Day and nobody got me in. The BIKINI HOCKEY LEAGUE. Not having the NHL is totally fine now that I know that strippers who just heard about a bikini hockey league get to play in a bikini hockey league.

A second, even worse video awaits you after the jump. (via Brobible)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

5 Albums Coming Out This Week That Don’t Suck |UPROXX|

Predicting The 15 Shows That Will Survive The Network TV Season |Warming Glow|

10 incredible high-res, behind-the-scenes Photos from Kill Bill 1 |Film Drunk|

The 2012 ‘Running Of The Wieners’ Is Something That You Should Watch |With Leather|

New Stuff From ‘The Hobbit’ Gives A First Glimpse Of Evangeline Lilly As Tauriel |Gamma Squad|

There Will Be A Worldwide Bacon Shortage Next Year |Smoking Section|

KSK Live Q&A With Prince Amukamara Of The New York Giants |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Read the rest of this entry »

Allow me to introduce you to FACEKINI, the bikini you wear on your face. No, I didn’t just throw up a pro wrestling photo and pretend it was beach fashion.

Getting a tan at the beach is a sign of beauty for non-bloggers across the western world, but in places like China, people do everything they can to avoid getting burned. Having dark skin means you’re working outside all day, so if you’ve got light skin it means you’re got a higher social status, and, according to a report from NBC’s Behind The Wall, “the fairer you are, the wealthier or more respected you seem”. Because of this, wearing a goddamn luchador mask at the beach has become a thing.

But hey, don’t worry, it’s not all about weird class issues. Some people are wearing Facekinis to avoid being killed by sharks!

“These have been extremely popular,” Zaizaibao, an online seller from Henan on shopping Internet site taobao.com, said.

Another online store sold 542 masks, which come in different colors and patterns, in just 30 days. “We are already out of the pink ones…. All of them sell well. Orange is the most effective in protecting people from sea creatures.”

The report includes a funny aside about government officials being concerned that the masks could be worn during bank robberies, because I guess this is the first time China has ever had masks.

As an American with pale skin I worry less about my position in China’s caste system or whether or not jellyfish is gonna try to sting me in my face, and more about what the worldwide popularity of Facekini could do to our domestic cheesecake bikini photoshoots. Seriously, look at what a Facekini does to Kate Upton:

Read the rest of this entry »