Rumors are swirling that Lance Armstrong could be up to something more than trying to win his eighth Tour de France next year.  He may be trying to BUY it.

It may not be unveiled next week, but the word is that Armstrong is involved in a possible buyout of Tour organisers Amaury Sport Organisation from its parent company the Amaury Group.

Furthermore, Armstrong may saddle up in the deal with Hein Verbruggen - the former president and now vice-president of cycling’s world body, the Union Cycliste Internationale. Some say it may be an Armstrong-UCI deal.

Remember how pissed off the French were an American — a Texan, no less — won their precious race seven years in a row?  Remember how they actually lined the streets to hurl insults at him, and how the French newspapers constantly accused him of doping even though he was never caught?  Yeah.  This should go over well.

You know, part of me thinks Lance might still be a little pissed about that stuff.  It must be nice to be that rich.  “Wait, they said what about me?  Well, find what their biggest source of national pride and buy it.  Also, adopt their children.  I want to raise them in my own image.”

[Sports by Brooks]

NBA - WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [inhales] WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, it's only so often you get to celebrate the ousting of a team as eminently unlikable as the Spurs. Granted, they came into Game 5 in L.A. down 3-1 in the series, but we know this team to be a scrappy, if whiny and charisma-less, bunch. The erstwhile defending champs came out strong, taking a 28-15 lead after the opening quarter, but then Kobe grew tired of filming fake Jackass stunts and got down to the bidness of scoring 39 points, 17 of them in the 4th quarter. Now we're a Boston win away from a never-before-seen Celtics-Lakers Finals. How have they avoided each other for so long? Seriously, though, it'll revive all of Bill Simmons' childhood fantasies, except with more black guys starting for Boston. So, nothing like Bill Simmons' fantasies at all. 

MLB - Hey, the Yankees and the Red Sox didn't play. Must not've been any baseball yesterday, right ESPN? Wait, what's this: Joe Torre make an emotional return to a New York team he hasn't coached for a quarter century. How pregnant with sentiment. Enough so to lose 8-4, but pensively…Albert Pujols puts off administering bodily harm to opposing players to put the hurt on the baseball for the deciding homer in a 3-2 win over the Astros…That hot Royals start, uh, it seems like a long time ago, doesn't it? KC drops its 11th in a row with a 5-1 loss to the Twins. It marks the fourth such time the Royals've done that since the beginning of the 2005 season, which amounts to three more hot flashes of futility than any other team… Those darling first-place Tampa Bay Rays That Were Formerly Associated With The Devil drew a whopping 12,636 fans to see their 5-1 loss to the White Sox. So if Tampa makes the playoffs, can we expect 14 thou? 14,500? And probably only then if tickets are free with a purchase of a cheesesteak Hot Pocket at Publix.

The NBA's competition committee announced during its meeting Tuesday that it is taking measures to crack down on the rampant flopping going on around the Spurs the league. Beginning next year, players caught executing clear cases of flopping (as determined by referees conducting point shaving) will be subject to fines and possibly suspension. Anticipating heavy penalties, Manu Ginobili has already canceled payment on his next hair transplant.

NBA executive vice president of basketball operations Stu Jackson confirmed the new policy Wednesday night saying: "What was clearly expressed to the committee is that we would begin imposing fines next season for the most egregious type of flops. When players are taking a dive, for lack of a better term."

While there are plenty of contrarian diptards who think flopping enhances lesser sports like soccer and billiards (you wouldn't believe how well it draws a scratch), we Americans don't truck faking injuries for personal gain. Unless it was that time Steve Jobs sideswiped me with his car. The whiplash…so great…only a seven-figure settlement can cure it.

NBA - The referees avoided the dark temptation of bailing out the Spurs and contact-averse Brent Barry for ducking away from an obvious foul by Derek Fisher prior to a last-second chuck for naught to close the Spurs 93-91 loss to the Lakers, the first playoff loss in San Antonio in longer than I care to remember. This was a loss that could have easily and probably should have gone the other way. When referees say they don't want to influence the outcome of the game, it's another way of saying they're too chickenshit to even call clear infractions during closely contested important games. That said, SPURS LOSE SPURS LOSE SPURS LOSE SPURS LOSE COKE AND HOOKERS PAR-TAAYYYYY! Los Angeles had no business allowing San Antonio to get that close, holding a seven-point lead and heading to the line . No matter. This 3-1 series is heading back to the Staples Center, hopefully with the same officials.

MLB - Reds farm system wet dream Jay Bruce (Gotta get his Bowman rookie card! I just gotta!) went 3-for-3 in his debut to go with a three-run homer by Adam Dunn propelled Cincinnati over Picksburg 9-6…Aubrey Huff, hater of all things Baltimore, pushes the Orioles past the Yankees in the bottom of the 12th for a 10-9 win…Oh noes! The Red Sox lost their game to the Mariners 4-3 and lost Dice-K to a lower back injury. Would that there were a couple million overzealous RSN-tards to keep us briefed on his condition…Josh Hamilton goes from Rays top prospect to beating the Rays with five RBIs. Well, by way of drug addiction, that is. Such moral uplift. Such…inevitable backslide. I was born with a high cynicism count. 

FRENCH OPEN - Guess there was some rain yesterday in Paris. Bummer. Just when I felt like caring. 

Here are the compiled video highlights of Kobe Bryant's abrupt takeover to fuel the Lakers' Game 1 win in the conference finals.  Basketball professor Bethlehem Shoals calls it "the definitive one-man heroics of the 2007-08 post-season."  I'm not nearly so deep.  I just go straight to the :37 mark and watch Manu Ginobili get humiliated twice on the same play.  Then I do it again.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Hypothetical question: I have a, uh… "friend"… who hates the Spurs more than war or cancer or even homeless people.  Should that friend seek professional help?  By which I mean, should he hire professional assassins to kill the Spurs?

Note: I don't know what that headline means, but it's got a gynecological term in there, so let's lead with the Spurs.

NBA — Down by 20 halfway into the third quarter, the Lakers looked cooked against San Antonio.  Then LA was all, "Hey Kobe Bryant, can you do that thing where you're the best basketball player on Earth?"  Bryant, who had only 2 points on 1-3 shooting at the half, cranked out 25 in the second, and 14 in the decisive fourth quarter as the Lakers won 89-85.  Mmmmm-MM!  Try some of this hatred, it's delicious.

Soccer – I'm not a fan of Chelsea or Manchester United, but holy hell that was an incredible Champions League title game.  Man U won 6-5 on penalty kicks after a 1-1 draw, but the real joy was watching the two best pro teams in the world (probably) play fast, aggressive, precise, and physical soccer for 120 minutes.  Even if you hate soccer — and I know many of you do — there's something to be appreciated in the best two competitors duking it out in an epic match.  Kinda like lesbian sex that way.

MLB — People are still running and throwing and hitting and catching.  Not much going on, just the White Sox winning their seventh in a row.  Oh, and Brandon Webb came up short in his bid to go 10-0.  He gave up three whole runs in seven innings.  What a loser.