It never really made any sense to me why guys would ski around with guns and then simply try to outrun each other. Those bibs aren’t bulletproof, boss. Fire away, as they do here in this commercial for a French-language action sports channel. Nothing’s better after a lunch break than guys in lycra shooting at each other. This is what World War II would have looked like if the French had decided to fight. Read the rest of this entry »

Like most people who were breast-fed until age 10, I appreciate women with rock-hard asses and high-powered rifles.  Which is why I’m thrilled that members of the women’s Canadian biathlon team have gone au naturel for a calendar to raise money for the team.  Hell, they’re even stripping down outside in the Canadian autumn:

Five of Canada’s top female biathletes roller skied along chilly Stephen Avenue Mall yesterday clad only in shorts and running bibs in an effort to stir up some buzz for their nude calendar: Bold Beautiful Biathlon.

Red Deer’s Zina Kocher, who captured Canada’s first world cup biathalon medal in a decade at the 2006 World Cup, said the sport is still overlooked compared to Europe, so disrobing to drum up awareness and funds wasn’t a hard sell.

This is why Title IX is bullshit, man.  Hey ladies, if you wanna play sports, just get naked!  Is it really so hard?

Calendars are available here, and I strongly recommend you purchase one.  And then scan all the pictures and send them to me.  I’d buy one myself, but that would violate my journalistic integrity.  I can only support with words.  Words like, “Take it off!” and “Yeah, that’s a gold-medal ass, baby!”

[SbB]

Russian biathlete and four-time Olympic gold medalist Alexander Tikhonov was convicted of an attempted assassination, then was immediately freed.  In related news, Russia is fucking badass.

Tikhonov, who won gold medals in the 4×7.5-kilometer relay at four Olympics from 1968 to 1980, was charged in a plot to poison Aman Tuleyev, governor of the Kemerovo region, in 2000… However, he was immediately freed under a general amnesty passed by the lower house of the Russian parliament in 2000.

And that's all the article mentions about how he's not in jail right now.  General amnesty?  For what?  For everyone?  For Olympians?  For unsuccessful murder attempts?  Fucking A, MSNBC, tell me the relevant statutes so I can figure out where I can go to poison people.  I mean BESIDES going in and applying for a job at Taco Bell.  I'll have you know I already have a job.  At Jack in the Box.

(Pictured: Failed poison attempt target Rasputin, also known as the "Mad Monk."  Or, as I call him, "Pretty Much the Coolest Dude Ever.")

Suddenly I can't wait for the next Winter Olympics.  I really believe more sports should result in the losers dying.  Especially if one of those losers is Barry Bonds. 

UPDATE: Yes, as some of you have noticed, this was on a weekend post recently.  Sorry… it's too hot in my apartment to remember things.  Also, I may or may not be drunk.

If the Biathlon was really like this, I'd watch the Winter Olympics for more than just the Bobsleigh races: 

This is a good idea, but how about placing more emphasis on the prefix of this competition?  There would be some major changes to the appearance and rules of the sport, but it would still test athletic ability, endurance, and the concentration of an expert marksman.  Vivid Video could sponsor the event, and the preference of the judges would favor teams of 2 women and 1 man.  So I'm sorry Greece, you're really going to have a flawless run to medal. -KD

As best I can tell from the description of this video on YouTube, this is Norwegian TV reporter Ingerid Stenvold. In the back of the car on the left is cross country skier/biathlete Lars Berger. Lars has some ideas about what he'd rather Ingerid be doing.

The first American athlete to do this behind Erin Andrews becomes my hero for my life.