Ekpe Udoh of the Milwaukee Bucks had one mission: meet beloved American actress/hacky commercial spokesperson Betty White. The only problem? He didn’t know how to do it.

It’s a good question, and who could blame him? Betty White is not only awesome in her own right, she’s the last remaining ‘Golden Girl.’ Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty are all dead. It’s a reasonable goal, especially if you’ve got enough travel time and fame as an NBA player to make it come together.

As you can see by the photo at top of the post, Udoh made his dream come true with an LA-area visit to the set of ‘Hot In Cleveland.’ It was a long road, though. Here’s a quick look back at Udoh’s quest from Betty White inception to Betty White execution, courtesy of Twitter, and a little help from our friends at Ball Don’t Lie:

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In a story that is hopefully already in the process of becoming a Kissing Suzy Kolber skit, New England Patriots tight end, pitch man, folk hero and porn star gronker Rob Gronkowski attended a scheduled public speaking event at the University of Rhode Island and was asked probably the most learned thing a college kid in Rhode Island could ask Rob Gronkowski: “Marry, Eff, Kill: Rex Ryan, Tim Tebow, Betty White?”

Jets head coach Rex Ryan is a pretty obvious “kill” here, because 1) he’s Rex Ryan, 2) Tim Tebow wouldn’t be negatively affected by death because he’s set with The Lord, and 3) Betty White is about to die anyway. Assumedly you’d want to “marry” Betty, because she’s a rich old humanitarian who has managed to remain lovable despite the Internet’s attempts to ruin her, so that leaves Tim Tebow as your “eff”.

So how would that work, exactly? Gronkowski explains:

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And when all else fails, just reference Star Wars, whether it fits your product or not.

How is it that Next Media Animation, the same news team who turned Ndamukong Suh into a zombie and showed Jerry Jones murder a child with fire breath, can so succinctly get to the heart of Super Bowl ads and why we’re all sheepish pieces of sh*t for enjoying them? They’ve got Volkswagen’s number with the Star Wars quote, and I’m pretty sure every GoDaddy.com writers’ meeting begins with a naked dancing lady with XXX across her chest. If Dennis Haysbert ever kills a guy with an insurance check and makes out with his widow they’ll be straight-up prophets.

It’s also pretty sad that Taiwanese animation, with all its hyperbolic imagery and blunt, warped English, could be less intellectually offensive than actual Super Bowl ads. Not necessarily the Bud Frogs or Betty White (who Taiwan makes look more like Martha Plimpton than Betty White) getting footballed for Snickers, but have you seen Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels bodypainting a model and getting all hot and bothered over Dot Co domain names? If you go to GoDaddy.com you can see more! On GoDaddy.com they show boobies, and the women make out and Danica Patrick gets f**ked with a fitness roller, I’m assuming!

Via Warming Glow:

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Hank Williams Jr. must be rolling over in his grave.

By way of Rant Sports and anyone else who watches actual sports instead of pro wrestling on Monday nights comes the latest in a string of “let’s get people Bocephus might hate to do his job” intro videos, this one spotlighting Sole Surviving Golden Girl and temporary-internet-sensation-turned-person-we’re-tired-of-seeing-in-commercials Betty White.

Betty’s entire schtick these days is that she is Very Old, and the open brings that in spades — on-field collisions are compared to old folks driving, a brief discussion on the elderly Tebowing is had and at one point she calls Matt Ryan “hot”. That’s the best one, because seriously, only someone on the ass-end of 80 would say that. Also, Drew Brees set a passing record, but defenses in 2011′s NFL are forced to play like Snickers commercial Betty White so we’re gonna cover it in asterisks and move forward remembering this clip as the most important thing to occur.

You can check out the video (and a better one) after the jump.

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Heartbreaking tale of love and loss featuring two of America’s favorite senior citizens.

Shaquille O’Neal is going to have the best retirement. He’s completing a Filmmaking Conservatory at the New York Film Academy (at Universal Studios), he’s going to end up professionally wrestling somebody at somebody’s Wrestlemania and he’s filming Tim And Eric-style comedy vignettes about wanting to marry Betty White. In the video above, Shaq hangs with the legendary lady of comedy by making Jim Halpert face at the camera while she tries to act and be funny. That’s what’s so great about Shaq, he’s got rap albums and video games and movies and television shows and none of them are any GOOD, but he’s got the all, and he’s going to keep making more. Look at that face.

Maybe this is is the video they were talking about when TMZ said Shaq had a sex tape and was being blackmailed. It doesn’t go any farther than this, you understand, because Rose’s husband Charlie died while they were making love and she’s been having trouble showing intimacy in the bedroom ever since. When the sex tape ends it’s followed by two episodes of “Shop ’till You Drop”

The logistics of Shaq marrying and assumedly consummating said marriage are the stuff of Snickers nightmares, but should they ever get together I would like to provide my best Golden Girls-themed advice, courtesy of the late, great Dorothy Zbornak.

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