Hello again, lovelies! My apologies for not being able to write last week’s column. As you know, Brandon and I attended National Pro Wrestling Day in Philadelphia, and traveling took away any opportunity to write. A few things:

- National Pro Wrestling Day, despite having some brief, gross, unpleasantness (I’m looking at you, Resistance Pro), was a wonderful experience full of great wrestling, hanging with old and new Wrestling Bros, sharing Halloween costume photos with Dasher Hatfield, and somehow becoming Kobald’s Valentine. Jervis Cottonbelly, the World’s Sweetest Man, was also there, and if any of you know anything about me, it’s that I was elated to indulge in some Gentlemania. If you haven’t checked it out, I encourage everyone to purchase it here, and get a taste of something wonderful we got to be a part of.

- Speaking of lovely masked fellows, you should head on over to The Wrestling Blog, where I wrote a thing you should read.

- Do you like the Social Media? Do you understand it better than Hulk Hogan? Why not follow me on Twitter? Or perhaps With Leather and/or UPROXX for all of your entertainment needs? There is a 27% chance we will tweet a picture of Brooke Hogan’s legs, and only a 3% chance we’ll get defensive about it.

- As always, comments, likes, tweets, shares, and tumbls are always appreciated. This may not be the best show or the best report, but if you’re desperately curious as to what I do to procrastinate, hoo boy you best get to reading!

This week on Impact: We’re (not so) live in the UK! Some boring stuff happens, tumbleweeds drift by, something you won’t ever remember probably happens, and then something happens THAT WILL SHAKE ME TO MY VERY CORE.

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While the Fighters Only World MMA Awards took place 10 days ago in Las Vegas, the ceremony didn’t actually air until last night on Fox Sports so I didn’t want to play spoiler for anyone who was waiting to watch. And those of us who watched this incredible celebration of the best of the Mixed Martial Arts fighting world in 2012 were hardly shocked by the sport’s biggest names and personalities taking home the top honors.

Perhaps the best news of all was that Tito Ortiz, who is currently trying to help Cris Cyborg lose weight so she can fight Ronda Rousey, was on hand with his best babe, Miley Cyrus Jenna Jameson. The former porn queen had previously been Twitter flirting with Jon Jones and Ortiz confirmed that true love was dead when he Tweeted about being single. But don’t feel bad for Jones, because he was the night’s big (male) winner, as he took home the Charles “Mask” Lewis Fighter of the Year award.

More importantly, though, were the top female winners, as they are two women quite close to our hearts.

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Stories about MMA guys are usually in one of three categories:

1. They fought at an MMA event.
2. They did something awful, like murder prairie dogs with a machine gun or snort a semi of bullshark testosterone and beat up some ladies.
3. They did something we cannot explain, like let motocross guys jump their fights or try to f**k a cheeseburger.

Wonderfully, this story about Bellator and ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ star Nick Ring creates its own category: MMA guys who stumble upon a gang trying to mug a couple and turn into Rorschach from Watchmen about it. The story, by way of the Calgary Herald with a hat-tip to Cage Potato:

Calgary’s own UFC fighter, Nick Ring, who had just finished a yoga session and went to Starbucks to get a coffee, saw an assault across the street and he wasn’t about to let it go.

Ring – a 33-year-old mixed martial arts fighter who is gearing up for UFC 149 in Calgary next month – was leaving the coffee shop at Mac leod Trail and 94th Avenue when he thought he saw a group of about 10 people beating up a couple to steal the girl’s backpack.

“I did not like what I saw and I wasn’t going to stand around and watch that happen. It was a crime and it was completely wrong,” said Ring.

“I’m not going to let anything like that happen if I’ve got anything to say about it. Not a chance.”

According to the report, the violence started when the female victim gave a “dirty look” to one of the assailants. That led to her having her hair pulled and being kneed in the face, because apparently Canada is just as crazy and f**ked up as everywhere else. Her boyfriend was being held back and beaten up. Ring stepped in, and not only did he break up the fight, he simultaneously chased down multiple assailants and called the police, who showed up and arrested another half-dozen.

If that’s not enough to justify putting Ring in a trenchcoat and letting him shoot grappling hooks at peoples’ chests, his dramatic monologue might be:

It puts me in the position that I have the ability to help others when they need it. I was glad to be able to put my skills to use to help these people out.

With great power comes great responsibility. You’re awesome, Nick Ring.

For anyone reading who thinks it’d be a good idea to file for worker’s compensation so you can keep being paid by your employers but have time off to travel the world and cagefight (in front of thousands of people, sometimes in front of television cameras), here’s some helpful advice: Don’t do that, idiot.

Bellator Fighting Championships and M-1 Global veteran Raphael Davis (12-2) on Tuesday pleaded not guilty on four felony counts of insurance fraud.

The Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office alleges that Davis, a firefighter, made false claims for workers’ compensation between Dec. 2, 2008, and May 20, 2011.

Davis fought seven times during the period in question, including three fights under the Bellator banner and two M-1 Challenge bouts. He stands accused of competing while trying to collect workers’ compensation and could spend up to five years in jail, prosecutors said earlier this month. (via MMA Junkie)

His career was going pretty well, too — during his workers comp scam, Davis went 6-1 and just knocked out Berin Balijagic at a show in Switzerland. That’s a sad ending to the grift, especially when the only comparable story I can think of is the New York high school social studies teacher who took sick days to moonlight as a professional wrestler and ended up with a job at WWE.

I guess the lesson here is “if you’re gonna lie to your bosses, make sure your hobby isn’t covered by 1/8th of the Internet”.

In this promotional clip for Ultimate Fighting Championship’s broadcast television debut on Saturday, November 12, teen pop singer turned inspirational Christian actress turned alt-country wife turned Disney princess Mandy Moore offers her opinion on who she thinks will win the heavyweight title bout between Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos. At no point was Willa Ford interviewed about Bellator 57. Hold on, I can get more obscure than that. At no point was Samantha Mumba interviewed about EliteXC. What does Skye Sweetnam think of the fight going on in my parking lot?

Anyway, Mandy’s right about what’s going to happen in the fight, but she’s got this thing where she’s incapable of expressing sincere emotion and just furrows her brow and points up her eyebrows to make it look like she means what she’s saying. She’s making UFC predictions with the same face she uses to tell her badboy teenage boyfriend she’s about to die (in the next five minutes) from a fatal disease. I guess that’s how she ended up dating Zach Braff for as long as she did.

Dana White should convince her to throw on a cocktail dress and pop-and-lock her way through the UFC On Fox theme, Faith Hill style.

[via UFC on Facebook]

"Yeah, Matt. Just like that."

Last week TMZ released video footage of what appeared to be former UFC and current Bellator fighter Roger Huerta beating a man to a pulp outside a bar after the unidentified man punched a woman from behind. It is still unknown if Huerta was actually the man doing the beating, but the man on the receiving end is unidentified no more. Former Texas Longhorns linebacker Rashad Bobino was the man who was pummeled after he suckerpunched a woman in the face.

Bobino had a brief stint with the Atlanta Falcons in 2009, but he was let go, I assume, because NFL QBs are harder to punch in the face than women who aren’t looking. Bobino was released from an Austin hospital after being treated for undisclosed injuries, but With Leather’s crack team of medical experts predicts that he was suffering from acute holy-sh*t-that-guy’s-foot-is-crushing-his-face-itis.

What did the five fingers say to the face, Cage Potato:

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