Hello! My apologies for last week. If you follow me on anything other than With Leather, you’ll know that at the last minute I decided to get on a Megabus to Philadelphia for the Chikara iPPV on Sunday. In total (if you include getting to and from Toronto) I traveled roughly 30 hours. It was…a thing I most definitely did. But I’m back, still a little discombobulated, but nevertheless ready to dive into this report. A few pre-show notes:

- Sunday was wonderful and terrible and easily one of the most affecting experiences I’ve ever had. If you know anything about me, it’s that a) I love cats on treadmills, and b) I love Chikara even more. Over on the Mandible Claw, I wrote just how it makes me feel. Spoiler alert: I am currently the saddest little girl.

- I talked a bit about the show itself on Tom Holzerman’s “podcast,” if you will. You can listen to my gleeful exclamations over the Shard, our favourite matches of the night, and why you should continue to support independent wrestlers even if they no longer have a home company.

- Should you need a laugh, please check out this and this. The picture of Don West may be the single greatest thing posted to this site in the history of cats on treadmills, and is basically why Brandon and I are BFF forever.

- Didn’t know I was in Philly this weekend? Obviously you’re not following me on Twitter. You can do that here. You can also follow With Leather here, UPROXX here, but not the Shard because he doesn’t have one, and therefore I cannot skip the report to send tweets of cooing noises and hearts at him. ….that might actually be for the better, come to think of it.

This week on Impact: It’s not terrible, guys!

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As we mentioned what, three days ago? Former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson had signed a multi-year deal with Bellator and, by proxy, its sister program TNA Impact Wrestling. Impact wasted no time getting Rampage on the show, and … well, here you go.

If there’s one thing TNA does right, it’s saying how special their “special guests” are. Remember, this is the company that made Pacman Jones a tag team champion when he couldn’t legally wrestle. Rampage Jackson made his debut with WOLF MUSIC~ and all his appropriate taunts, having a brief, mumbly conversation with Jeremy Borash about “being the best” before being interrupted by Impact Wrestling’s interpretation of the best, Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle. They teased a confrontation down the road and got in each others’ faces. Using TNA logic, this means that they’ll either

1. Have a match next week, which will end with run-ins and people getting hit/sprayed with props
2. Never have a match, because Rampage will be gone in three weeks

Video of the confrontation is after the jump.

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“This Knockouts Division is GREAT!”

Hold on to your vaginas, clothed lady reporters, because Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has signed an exclusive contract with Bellator. If you’ll recall, Rampage lost to Glover Teixeira back in January and walked away from UFC, then immediately started calling them liars. I’m sure no bridges will be burned here, and the deal will work out great for everybody!

Oh, and another fun thing about Rampage signing with Bellator (besides the dry humping): he’ll follow in the footsteps of pro wrestling legend KING MO by appearing on Bellator’s sister program, Bad Pro Wrestling:

According to those same sources, Jackson’s new deal will be similar to the one “King” Muhammed Lawal signed with the promotion last year, which gave him the opportunity to appear on TNA Impact Wrestling programming on Spike TV. Jackson has flirted with the idea of pursuing a pro wrestling career in the past, and it seems as though he will soon get a chance to showcase himself as a sports entertainer.

Jackson’s Bellator debut has yet to be finalized, but a fall date appears to be a possibility. (via MMA Fighting)

If his run in TNA is anything like King Mo’s, he’ll show up with great fanfare, make all of the pro wrestlers on the show look like shit, then show up a few weeks later on Bellator and get his ass kicked. I guess everything will work out fine, as long as we get Rampage and Dixie Carter on the microphone together.

I mean that in a positive way, believe it or not.

Cage Potato sent over this clip of Bellator ring girl Jade Bryce doing her best impressions of memorable MMA fighters, faces and fans, and now it’s my duty to pass it along to you. She covers the Rashad Evans’s knockout face, the “Just Bleed” Guy, the drunk dancing mom and the “rising douchebag,” does her best to pull off the robot split and brings in a friend to emulate Don Frye and James Thompson’s violent eskimo kissing. It’s fun, and it’s Friday, so this is the perfect thing for you to spend a minute or two watching.

Video is after the jump.

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I totally meant that you should watch sports, bros. I mean, who wants to watch an hour of the best couple in sitcom history getting married? Not me, bros. No way, I want to watch dudes doing pushups and slam dunks and hockey goals and guys pulling trucks full of TNT with a chain attached to their nut sacks.

Nope, I’ve got zero interest in watching Leslie and Ben get married tonight. No sir.

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The cast of Expendables 37, minus Vin Diesel and Jonathan Lipnicki.

Last week, Randy Couture inspired the national Mixed Martial Arts media to declare a collective, “What the f*ck, bro?” when he announced that he had signed a partnership deal with Bellator and Spike TV to be a coach on Fight Master: Bellator MMA. Couture, of course, is most widely associated with the UFC because, you know, he helped bring it to the forefront of American sports culture and he served as the face of the promotion for 15 years.

So you can imagine that UFC President Dana White wasn’t too happy with Couture’s new gig, enough that he proclaimed that Couture couldn’t even buy a ticket to a UFC event anymore. Of course that poses a bit of a personal problem for Couture, as his son Ryan now fights in the UFC and would like his father in his corner. Naturally, Randy would like that as well.

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