My thanks goes today to Donkey Carnival, which alerted me to the swirling controversy in Cleveland, where the USDA is trying to prevent Caesar the Wrestling Bear from doing what he was born to do: wrestle humans.

Sam Mazzola's license to exhibit exotic animals was canceled in November because he provided false information to the U.S. Department of Agriculture… Mazzola said his exhibit is "perfectly legal." His partner, Larry Wallach, has a valid license that allows another person to be designated to operate the business.

Of course, as with anything that might finally settle the score between Man and Nature, PETA got in the way and started fucking things up:

Last year, about 100 people complained about the sport show exhibit to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said Jackie Vergerio, animals-in-entertainment specialist with the animal-rights organization. Vergerio filed a complaint with the USDA, accusing Mazzola of allowing a woman holding a baby to have direct contact with a tiger and letting a trainer hit a tiger over the head with a wooden bat. Those complaints are still under investigation.

Well, YEAH. Of course the tiger got hit in the head with a bat. It was trying to eat the baby. And just how are children supposed to learn to fear tigers if we don't expose them at an early age? I'll never understand why PETA thinks animals are so much important than babies.

Via Foul Balls, here's the heart-warming tale of world cruiserwweight champion O'Neil Bell (somebody get that guy a first name), who over the weekend was arrested for allegedly — allegedly, people — hurling a hatchet at his sparring partner during a training run.

Deputies responding to a possible fight off Highway 38 found Bell's sparring partner, 37-year-old Larry Slayton, afraid for his life with cuts from running through the brush, sheriff's spokeswoman Arden Wiltshire said Monday.

Slayton told the deputies Bell had become angry with him during a training session in the woods and threw a hatchet the boxer was carrying for protection against bears. Slayton fled, dodging large rocks Bell threw at him, Wiltshire said.

There are two lessons here, sexy readers.

1. A hatchet is, indeed, enough to effectively defend yourself against bears. Unless that Bear is Tank Johnson.
2. If you fail to be attacked by bears while training to defend your boxing title, you may want to stay sharp by hunting your fellow man. Man is the ultimate prey.

In light of Jimmie Johnson's broken wrist that resulted in him joyriding on top of a golf cart, FOXsports.com ranks the Top Five Most Bizarre NASCAR injuries, and #1 is a doozy. Readers, meet Cale Yarborough.

Throughout Yarborough's life, the three-time Cup champ has been bitten by a rattlesnake, struck by lightning, shot, and nearly attacked by his pet bear while flying an airplane…

Okay, the pet bear I can understand. Badasses like me and Cale often keep one for sparring. But what's it doing in the plane? Serving drinks?

But the single greatest and most bizarre NASCAR Injury happened in Jacksonville, Fla. in 1958. Yarborough was working with a traveling air show as a skydiver and leaped from a plane at 5,000 feet. At 2,000 feet he pulled the rip cord … and nothing happened. He pulled again … still nothing. At about 200 feet above the Earth, the chute weakly rolled out, providing a minimal amount of drag to slow him down. "Lucky for me, I landed on a patch of high grass and mud, which gave me a little bit of a cushion. I walked away with a chipped elbow."

My God, this man is like Bill Brasky and Rasputin rolled into one. NASCAR drivers just aren't as tough as they used to be.