And now for a much-delayed Olympics update…

Lotta shit went wrong for the US of A in the however long since I last wrote about the Olympics.  Both the men's and women's 4×100 relay teams screwed the pooch by dropping their batons.  Our softball ladies somehow lost to Japan in the gold-medal game.  And although America got a sweep in the 400, the media has to be upset that super-fast white guy Jeremy Wariner took silver behind LaShawn Merritt.

Thankfully, there was Misty May-Treanor, Kerri Walsh, a beach volleyball court, and lots of rain.  I, for one, am supremely happy China fucked up the cloud-seeding that was supposed to prevent rain during the Olympics, because beach volleyball in the rain is approximately 3000% percent better than it is when it's sunny.  Just look at these pictures from the end of the May-Walsh straight-sets victory over the Chinese for gold.  They're soaked to the bone and ecstatic to be in each other's arms.  After all those matches of concentration and focused teamwork, they can finally strip out of those wet bikinis and take a hot shower… together… give in to the rush of serotonin coursing through their brains, the joyous moment of victory leading to a long hug… then their prolonged eye contact leads to mischievous smiles…

HEY!  Is it warm in here?  Also, the U.S. women's soccer team just defeated Brazil 1-0 in overtime for the gold medal.  Way to go, ladies!  Victory showers for everyone!

As noted in this morning's Net, the photo of the weekend comes from USA Today (via Deadspin), which followed President George Bush's continuing tour of the Olympic Games as he met with beach volleyball goddesses Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh.

On Friday, when President Bush met U.S. athletes ahead of the the opening ceremonies, beach volleyball star May-Treanor asked him to slap her lower back, a common gesture in her sport. He declined. But on the practice courts of the Olympic volleyball venue… the bikini-clad May-Treanor tried again. And this time, he couldn't resist.

"Show me something out there!" Bush urged May-Treanor and partner Kerri Walsh, who promised him "We'll make you proud."

Needless to say, I'm completely unfit to be president.  "Spank me, Mr. President!"  "No, spank me!"  "Ladies, ladies… I'm a busy man.  I don't have time to– actually, why don't you go ahead and drop trou."

In other Olympic Bush reports, LeBron James greeted former president George H.W. Bush by saying, "What's up, pops."  No word on whether Bron offered his lower back for a slap.  I say yes.

Buttocks connoisseur Trent sent With Leather this gallery from NBC's Olympics website, and I must admit, I enjoy NBC's hard-hitting exposé on hand signals in women's beach volleyball.  Each of the twenty photos in the collection was accompanied by this inside look into the sport:

Hand signals are frequently used by beach volleyball players to communicate to their partners. The signals — one or two fingers down, closed fist, etc. — generally let their partner know who should attempt a block at the net on their opponents' return.

I'm guessing hand signals are only used in women's volleyball, because the entire gallery is pictures of women players flashing the hand signals.  It's a valuable addition to the serious discussion of women's beach volleyball, one that will only be defiled and defamed by villainous bloggers and blog commenters who talk about the women's buttocks that were accidentally captured in the photographers' lenses. 

I say, those photographers and the mainstream media are journalistic heroes just trying to pass along information!  It's a shame the way blogs denigrate the majesty of online journalism!