Such is the itinerary for Nebraska’s Tara Mueller…Mueller? Mueller? Busted Coverage caught wind of the Scottsdale (AZ) junior dabbling in the pro beach circuit as a sort of de facto collegiate “sand volleyball” preview. Sadly, a lot of previews turn out to be a giveaway for the feature attraction. I doubt that’s the case here. See the whole gallery at BC. My favorites are here.

The NCAA has granted “sand” volleyball emerging sport status, paving the way for colleges to compete at the varsity level in 2010-11.

The organization will spend the next year developing rules that will govern play, including regulations on financial aid, playing dates and recruiting. [...]

The sport, known on the professional and Olympic levels [and everywhere else on the planet] as beach volleyball, will be called sand volleyball to make it more attractive to landlocked schools.

The real question, of course, is whether the NCAA will allow women to wear bikinis.  Because if so, this chick is on the varsity team.  And if you thought there were a lot of beach volleyball posts during the Olympics, buckle up for 2010.  This place is gonna be ground zero of college beach volleyball pictures.  Er, analysis and insight.  College beach volleyball analysis and insight.  Yeah, that’s what I meant.

|The Sporting Blog|

In April, the NCAA’s Division Legislative Council will likely approve a measure that will integrate beach volleyball into fabric of college sports.  In fact, the only reason that it hasn’t already been added appears to be administrators’ unease with the notion of girls in bikinis.  Mary Buckheit at Page 2 elaborates (emphasis mine):

Would the NCAA really allow a college freshman to hop off the bench, rip off her tear-aways and take to the sands in a bikini — in front of a bleacher full of roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends, grandmothers, protective fathers and mortified mothers?

Kathy DeBoer, executive director of the American Volleyball Coaches Association, laughed as I sheepishly delivered the million-dollar question. “Are you kidding? That question was asked so much so early in this process we literally had to take it off the table… You’re not the only one wondering about this. You say college girls and beach volleyball at a table of administrators and immediately it’s, ‘Umm, what are they going to wear?‘”

Oh, I don’t know… HOW ABOUT BIKINIS???  Jesus Christ, what puritanical colony are these people from?  “Oh my God!  College students!  In bikinis!  Whoever heard of such a thing?!?  How can we allow them to wear the same gear that professionals in the sport wear?  Oh no!  Watch out, it’s a male baring his pectorals!”

Also — and I’m not making this up — the NCAA would change the name of the sport to sand volleyball.  Because beaches are where people have fun, and the NCAA doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea.

Previously in Pussyfooting Around Sexuality in Beach Volleyball: NBC’s Olympic Coverage of Asses

Here’s a quick update on Dancing With The C-List Celebrities: Olympian and occasional object of underhanded lust Misty May-Treanor bowed out last night with a leg injury. So ballroom dancing is now officially more dangerous than beach volleyball, but still significantly less sexy. Look how bundled up she is!

“I heard a pop,” said May-Treanor, who was practicing the jive on the show’s ballroom set when she ruptured her left Achilles tendon. “I was doing the Lindy Hop. I thought I flew out of control and hit the judges’ stairs, or it felt like I got hit in the back with a baseball bat. Then, I just couldn’t put weight on it.”

May-Treanor, who had a previous knee injury from playing volleyball, and her professional partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, had been a formidable dancing duo, scoring a 21 out of 30 for their previous foxtrot, mambo and paso double routines. Co-host Samantha Harris said what May-Treanor’s early exit means for the competition would be revealed on Tuesday’s show

Thank God she has a good body. That picture almost looks like somebody tried to put lipstick on a shark. A goth shark…that likes European men. Whoa, I think I just wrote the treatment for the next Underworld sequel. And it’s not even noon.

[The AP]

And now for a much-delayed Olympics update…

Lotta shit went wrong for the US of A in the however long since I last wrote about the Olympics.  Both the men's and women's 4×100 relay teams screwed the pooch by dropping their batons.  Our softball ladies somehow lost to Japan in the gold-medal game.  And although America got a sweep in the 400, the media has to be upset that super-fast white guy Jeremy Wariner took silver behind LaShawn Merritt.

Thankfully, there was Misty May-Treanor, Kerri Walsh, a beach volleyball court, and lots of rain.  I, for one, am supremely happy China fucked up the cloud-seeding that was supposed to prevent rain during the Olympics, because beach volleyball in the rain is approximately 3000% percent better than it is when it's sunny.  Just look at these pictures from the end of the May-Walsh straight-sets victory over the Chinese for gold.  They're soaked to the bone and ecstatic to be in each other's arms.  After all those matches of concentration and focused teamwork, they can finally strip out of those wet bikinis and take a hot shower… together… give in to the rush of serotonin coursing through their brains, the joyous moment of victory leading to a long hug… then their prolonged eye contact leads to mischievous smiles…

HEY!  Is it warm in here?  Also, the U.S. women's soccer team just defeated Brazil 1-0 in overtime for the gold medal.  Way to go, ladies!  Victory showers for everyone!

As noted in this morning's Net, the photo of the weekend comes from USA Today (via Deadspin), which followed President George Bush's continuing tour of the Olympic Games as he met with beach volleyball goddesses Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh.

On Friday, when President Bush met U.S. athletes ahead of the the opening ceremonies, beach volleyball star May-Treanor asked him to slap her lower back, a common gesture in her sport. He declined. But on the practice courts of the Olympic volleyball venue… the bikini-clad May-Treanor tried again. And this time, he couldn't resist.

"Show me something out there!" Bush urged May-Treanor and partner Kerri Walsh, who promised him "We'll make you proud."

Needless to say, I'm completely unfit to be president.  "Spank me, Mr. President!"  "No, spank me!"  "Ladies, ladies… I'm a busy man.  I don't have time to– actually, why don't you go ahead and drop trou."

In other Olympic Bush reports, LeBron James greeted former president George H.W. Bush by saying, "What's up, pops."  No word on whether Bron offered his lower back for a slap.  I say yes.