If I’ve learned anything from my decades of dating pop stars, actresses and models, it’s that there is always an agenda. For example, my last girlfriend, a Victoria’s Secret model, used to say things like, “Leave me alone” and “I’ve never met you” and “Seriously, my boyfriend is going to kick your ass”, and I knew that it was just her way of saying, “Please send me more collages of us with baby animals”. That’s why when Miss Alabama USA and girlfriend of that guy whose team won something earlier this week, Katherine Webb, suddenly canceled her TV appearances and changed her phone number, we knew there had to be a little more to the story.

Especially with this wacky bro involved.

Additionally, everyone should know by now that when you Tweet something on the Twitters and then delete it, it’s never gone. NEVER. Someone always has a copy of that Tweet, no matter how fast you think you were. And someone indeed grabbed a copy of a long-since-deleted Tweet from Webb yesterday that kind of negates all that privacy stuff…

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I don’t even know where to start with the 2013 BCS National Championship Game. For starters, I wrote yesterday that my gut said it felt like a 20-point Alabama win. F*ck that. 42-14 didn’t even do this game justice. The Crimson Tide owned the No. 1 Notre Dame Fighting Irish in a way that we’ve never seen before, but this game was over in the first quarter when No. 2 Alabama stormed out to a 14-0 lead. Seriously, there wasn’t a glimpse of life from the Irish that even suggested it was going to be a game.

But I’m a smart guy, and you’re smart readers, and we all know when this title game was actually over. It was when ESPN announcer Brent Musberger had absolutely nothing else to talk about but ‘Bama QB AJ McCarron’s girlfriend and Miss Alabama USA, Katherine Webb. Yes, she’s a very attractive girl. And yes, she is an Auburn girl, which makes it so much more of a statement for Tide fans. However, this should have been about the product on the field. Instead, it’s about how she gained more than 100,000 followers on Twitter last night.

Hell, even Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett wanted to take Webb to Wingstop, because she apparently owes him for all of her new followers (Sure, dude). And, much more importantly to our cause, Kate Upton offered her own shoulder for Irish fans to cry on. Bottom line – this game was a humiliating one for Notre Dame fans. But they were lucky that we had a distraction like Webb.

With that said, here were some of my favorite random BCS title game Tweets, set to the tune of Miss Alabama’s greatest hits. ROLL TIDE!

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Is this girl gonna make the championship this year?

Aw, remember the crying Alabama fan and his high maintenance hotty? I sure do miss them. I know that wasn’t from the National Championship game, but I hope she’s at the game tonight, just not with him. In fact, if she has two tickets and needs someone to sit with, I’d like to suggest that she team up with this Notre Dame fan:

Can we make that happen, Blog Gods? Maybe they get a little tipsy after and decide, for one night, to host a webcam show? Is that a possibility? We can dream, fellas. We can dream.

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This video has been seen by about a billion people since it went up on Sunday and has probably been shared everywhere from WikiHow to your Geocities homepage, but we haven’t updated since Friday and don’t have any cromulent UPROXX network morning links, so here you go.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s one of the nicest videos uploaded over the holiday season, and way more enjoyable than watching a kid get a white iPhone and throw it across the room — an Alabama dad gets surprised with BCS National Title tickets for the Alabama/Notre Dame game in Miami on January 7. It’s a lot like last year when I surprised my dad with Cowboys tickets, except 1) I didn’t upload video of it, and 2) this guy won’t have to sit in the nosebleeds at Cowboy Stadium and watch Tony Romo get hurt five seconds into the game.

So, like the headline says, what’d you get for Christmas? Let’s get some holiday conversation going so we can pretend like it isn’t totally and completely over.

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With the New York Jets sort of thriving under new offensive coordinator Tony Sparano, the Miami Dolphins’ focus should be on how to stop whatever plays he’s going to throw at them in what will most certainly be a big revenge game for the former Miami coach. But with the Dolphins, the focus is never what it should be, and is instead usually about something ridiculous. In this case, it’s Tim Tebow, the Jets backup QB who has thrown zero footballs in the regular season through two games.

In particular, the focus is apparently on his fame and the bitterness it can cause among athletes who don’t get as much media attention as the former Heisman Trophy winner. Today’s sour grapes have been plucked from the vines of Dolphins receiver Brian Hartline, who echoed Milwaukee Brewers closer John Axford’s previous sentiments that Tebow is no different than Kim Kardashian.

“That’s you guys, how much you love [him],” Hartline said of the media attention Tebow receives. “Everybody loves him, but the same people go with the Kardashians. I don’t know what they did, either.

“They’re on [magazine] covers everywhere. I mean, honestly. I know they’re really good people, do a lot of charity work. I just don’t know how they got started.” (Via the Sun-Sentinel)

Heeeeeeeeere’s the thing… for starters, as I just pointed out, this silly comparison was already made, so Hartline needs to freshen up his material a little. But Hartline might have himself a little case of amnesia, because if he really doesn’t know why Tebow has been the focus of so much hype since entering the NFL, I can remind him. Hartline probably won’t like it, but here is why…

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While most of us are eagerly awaiting the most important bowl game of the year – the GoDaddy.com Bowl, obviously – some people are still apparently hung up on that BCS Championship Game that is taking place on Monday night in New Orleans. I mean, I guess if you’re into things like the No. 1 and 2 teams in the country playing each other to determine the season’s ultimate champion, then this game is alluring. But still – Arkansas State! Northern Illinois! A match made in heaven.

With all the hoopla surrounding Monday’s title game, it’s easy to lose track of everything that LSU and Alabama players and coaches have been up to, like, for instance, Nick Saban showing off his DERP cannon at practice. LSU coach Les Miles and his players took time away from their practice to visit the cancer ward of the Children’s Hospital of New Orleans yesterday, and I think that’s worthy of a hearty With Leather Solemn Nod of Respect.

And in return, I’d like to ask that both teams play one man short on defense so we’re not stuck with another 9-6 snorefest. Well, unless it gives us this again…

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