"To answer your question, yes, we have decided to stop being human."

Brothers B.J. and Justin Upton have always been good players. The trick, I guess, was for a club to figure out that they should play on the same team. That unlocks some sort of weird National Treasure scenario where the Uptons decipher a bunch of clues and become DEATH-BRINGING MONSTERS OF BASEBALL. Well, Justin, at least. But B.J. is getting there!

Case in point: The Upton brothers hit back-to-back home runs in last night’s game against the Colorado Rockies, bringing the Atlanta Braves to 15-5 on the season and causing a deluge of statistical footnotes, including

1. Justin Upton now leads the Major Leagues with 11 home runs.
2. Justin Upton has hit 11 home runs in April, setting a new Braves team record.
3. The Upton brothers are the first brother tandem to hit back-to-back homers in the Majors since Lloyd and Paul Waner did it for the Pirates back in 1938.
4. Justin Upton will not high-five you.

For more information on that last one, here are the clips. Back-to-back, natch.

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Yesterday, during a story about an 8-year old kid with cancer running in a touchdown for East Carolina University, we called for the worldwide spread of the “sports teams being nice to kids” meme. Today, two Virginia high schools have kept the allergies flowing.

Via YouTube:

Fairfax High School and Madison High School honored senior student Drew Bonner on April 22, 2013. Drew gets the ceremonial first at-bat.

Drew is in a wheelchair, but he hasn’t let that stop him from being a four-year varsity team manager, a braggart about his days skunking kids in Little League and a soon-to-be student at the University of Virginia on an academic scholarship. He also didn’t let the pitcher intimidate him in his ceremonial first-at-bat, as you can see in the clip below.

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Remember earlier this month when Justin Smoak of the Mariners hit a foul ball into a fan’s beer, so the fan fanned-up and chugged it? Here’s the food version of that.

Drew Stubbs of the Cleveland Indians hit a solo homer, and a fan lost a bag of popcorn in a beautiful explosion. To be as cool as the Mariners fan, dude needs to walk around, find every piece of popcorn and eat it. Do it. Do it. (via MLB.com)

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Links

Nerd Crush Veronica Belmont Has A Surprise For Anyone Who Googles To See Her Naked |UPROXX|

Meet The Woman Responsible For Saturday Night Live’s Celebrity Host Photographs |Warming Glow|

Will Ferrell & Jack Black making a movie about grown men who play tag |Film Drunk|

Baseball Comes Back To Fenway, David Ortiz Declares Boston “Our F**king City” |With Leather|

5 Classic Disney Games That Need To Be Remade (And 5 More That Absolutely Don’t) |Gamma Squad|

Listen To Kanye West’s Unreleased Demo Tape From Circa 2001 |Smoking Section|

NFL Superheroes, final round |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Without the stars, of course.

Today’s been an emotional one at Fenway Park. The Boston Bruins-style “everybody sings our national anthem in unison” moment has officially become a Boston staple. Pat-down lines were endless. Tears were non-stop. At the perfect moment, David Ortiz dropped the mother of all f-bombs, and baseball helped do what it always does: makes us feel better about the stupid shit in our lives that isn’t baseball.

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If you missed out on this week’s big baseball news, San Francisco Giants relief pitcher Jean Machi farted in the Giants bullpen. This is seriously the only important thing that happened in baseball this week. What are we supposed to write about, Derek Jeter being injured? Alex Rodriguez being cleared to walk on a treadmill?

Actually, that is kinda funny. So hey, while I think of some gay stereotype things to type in capital letters about centaurs, please enjoy today’s edition of The Dugout, which is about Jean Machi’s awful, stank butthole.

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University of Nebraska at Omaha’s Tyler Splichal has perfected an (apparently) legal way to avoid being tagged in a rundown: drop to your belly and take out the catcher’s legs. One day a runner’s gonna roundhouse kick the catcher in the face and baseball historians will be all, “oh yeah that’s totally within the rules, surprised more people don’t do it.” (via Bob’s Blitz)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

This Is What Happens When You Leave A Camera On Your Car At Bonnaroo |UPROXX|

Here’s The First Photo From The Final Eight Episodes Of ‘Breaking Bad.’ Everybody Freak Out. |Warming Glow|

They made another trailer for The Internship, and they forgot to put in jokes again |Film Drunk|

George H.W. Bush Hung Out With The Houston Texans Cheerleaders, Did Not Fandango |With Leather|

Let’s Celebrate Superman’s 75th Anniversary With Cosplay |Gamma Squad|

Florida Woman Arrested For “Violently Yanking” Boyfriend’s Penis |Smoking Section|

Ravens At Broncos Is The Season Opener |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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