So it turns out the Amarillo Sox mascot like to f**k all night.
Things turned sour for Lee as the Sox mascot was supposed to look like a sock but looked nothing like Lee had requested. Instead of a soft looking sock-type mascot from nearly head-to-toe, the foot portion of the sock stuck straight out about 2 feet at the waist.
“It was not the way I wanted it,” Lee said. “I’m very disappointed in the lady who did it, and I’ve told her so. She is going to fix it to the changes we want. I want to say on the record, if we offended anybody, I apologize.”
The Sock, clearly designed by Kyle Farnsworth, has caused a bit of an uproar on the Internet, the one place where things that look like dicks get raised up to glory. Places like Deadspin and Off the Bench are throwing up stories about it, and sure, his two-foot bumblebee cock is pretty hilarious, but as the sports comed-o-sphere authority on terrible Minor League mascots I feel the need to establish precedent.
The problem isn’t that he’s a sock, or that he’s got a big piece jutting out from between his legs. I think it’s the fact that it’s pointy. The Salem Red Sox of the Carolina have not one but TWO anthropomorphic sock mascots (“Lefty” and “Righty”) and nobody flees the games for fear of being f**ked. Here’s a picture of me with one of them. Click it to see a larger version. You know, at uh, at your own risk.
So what can Amarillo learn from this? Well, first things first, move the protrusion to the hip and not the crotch and it won’t look so much like somebody’s junk. Then soften it, and maybe add a Santa Claus face. Oh, and look less like a pervert in a tarp.
The mistreatment of the planet by human beings is going to cause a mass extinction like the one that killed the dinosaurs, and it all starts with this Lehigh Valley IronPigs player hitting a foul ball into the neck of the Phillie Phanatic and sending him to the hospital. The incident happened during the top of the third in last night’s “World Famous Phillie Phanatic Appearance” at Coca-Cola park, and was followed by an ominous IronPigs tweet: “The Phanatic will not perform again tonight as a precautionary measure after being hit by a foul ball.” Of course, being blasted in the neck didn’t completely end the Phanatic’s performance, as he sold it like a champ before disappearing into the ether of Allentown’s healthcare system.
