Here is a quick recap of Are You Ready For Some-gate:

1. ESPN pulls Hank Williams Jr.’s “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme from their Monday Night Football broadcast following the country singer’s appearance on “Fox & Friends”, wherein he suggested President Barack Obama playing golf with House Speaker John Boehner was “like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.”
2. Bocephus apologizes, saying the comments were dumb.
3. ESPN decides to part ways with Williams, because “football” is the reason people watch Monday Night Football.
4. Bocephus suddenly starts backing his comments again, saying he quit to support Freedom Of Speech, or something.
5. ESPN just gets Barry Sanders to do the Monday Night Football intro, because football is the only important part of Monday Night Football.

So, knowing what you know about professional football and Hank Williams Jr., what should be number 6? If you guessed “Bocephus records a ‘Fox & Friends’ diss track about ‘gotcha journalism’ because Fox & Friends ‘got’ him comparing the black President to Hitler”, you’re correct! Give yourself a prize, which should be “never listening to this song”.

Williams wrote the topical third verse of “I’ll Keep My …” when he woke up Friday morning and he and a group of players laid it down in a Nashville studio by Friday afternoon. It could be on iTunes late Monday or early Tuesday.

In the song Williams, son of country music icon Hank Williams, says “Fox & Friends” hosts twisted his words: “So Fox ‘n Friends wanna put me down/Ask for my opinion/Twist it all around.” He finishes the verse: “Well two can play that gotcha game you’ll see.”

And the best part, in case you thought this might turn out well for him:

Early in the song, he says the U.S. is “going down the drain” and says it’s becoming “The United Socialist States of America.” He mentions keeping “Fox & Friends” and ESPN out of your home toward the end of the song.

The ellipses after “I’ll Keep My …” really set the chorus up for a knockout blow, and I can’t wait to hear it. I bet he thinks we think he’ll say “mouth shut”, but he won’t! Here are some odds on how that sentence ends:

Read the rest of this entry »

The rumors are true. Following the events of Hank Williams Jr. Obama Hitlergate, Hall Of Fame running back Barry Sanders will don the feathered cowboy hat and alcoholic-sized sunglasses to sing a raucous Country tune about how great it would’ve been if the South won the Civil War that will have its lyrics changed to be about football readiness and played for about forty seconds during a video package on Monday nights.

From the Detroit Free Press:

“Ok, I admit it,” Barry Sanders tweeted. “I will be at MNF this week and doing the intro.”

Said ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz, “This is the format we’ll likely use the remainder of the season. We haven’t made any decisions beyond that.”

In all seriousness, Barry won’t be singing, as we’ve seen what a musical buzzkill he can be. The idea of getting a legendary player from the area to do an intro for one of ESPN’s glossy hype videos is a great idea, and lightyears better than whatever equivalent they’d come up to Faith Hill listing off football terms. But what’s going to happen when they go somewhere like Jacksonville? Who’s gonna do the intro for the Jaguars, Steve Beuerlein?

Hopefully Bocephus watches the game from his woodland shack (or wherever), sees a black guy doing his job, and jumps on Skype to tell all his rowdy friends how Barry Sanders is exactly like Pol Pot.

Something 1990s this way comes.

From Found Footage Fest emerges “It Ain’t Worth It!”, an abstinence-awareness PSA wherein the sports stars of the 90s explain the dangers of unprotected (and protected) sex in the most 90s way imaginable. You can watch the video below, but here’s a recap: David Robinson is playing a game of pick-up basketball and gets pissed off because his goofy white teammate is too busy looking at women (or “honeys”) to contribute. This prompts Robinson, A.C. Green and Barry Sanders (holding a basketball for some reason) to use rap music, a Trapper Keep aesthetic and what appear to be girls from “In Living Color’s” Fly Girl developmental league to inform teens that penis-to-vagina interaction can cause instant death and possibly explosions. I don’t know, they just really want me to not do it.

Watch the video yourself, then leave us a comment to explain whether you believe sexual intercourse is or is ain’t worth it.

All this video needed was a white kid who looks like he should be a part of the Burger King Kids Club saying “but I WANNA have sex!” and getting between a girl’s legs before he’s stopped by Garfield and one or more of the Ninja Turtles.

[prophylactic tip to Sportress of Blogitude]

Everyone’s all excited about this video of high school freshman Barry Sanders, Jr. — son of Barry Sanders, obviously — scoring on a 64-yard run in the Oklahoma state high school playoffs. And let’s be honest: it’s a great run, and he looks very nimble, and he could go on to do great things in college football or even the pros.

But let’s not get too excited, okay? Let’s not saddle this kid with expectations to be his dad. Barry Sanders is the greatest running back ever, and I don’t mean that in the way bloggers always say the most recent thing they’ve seen is the best thing ever. I mean that Sanders retired almost a decade ago, and even the best running back today (Adrian Peterson) doesn’t hold a candle to him. Sanders was better than Walter Payton, better than LaDainian, even better than Jim Brown. This isn’t up for discussion, and I’ve got the video to back me up. Read the rest of this entry »