Today is the day when we find out who’ll be the next legendary superstar elected into Baseball’s Hall Of Fame!
This year features an especially deep class of eligible players, from home run king Barry Bonds to 7-time Cy Young award winner Roger Clemens to HBP icon Craig Biggio. We’ve been arguing back and forth about this for months, and the time is up … let’s see who the sports writers of America voted into the Hall!
After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.
‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.
So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.
As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.
If you haven’t been following the story of Los Angles Angels rookie Mike Trout this season, here’s the gist: he’s everything you want to like about Bryce Harper without all the things you hate about Bryce Harper.
Via AOL FanHouse:
[J.J.] Hardy thought he had his 12th home run of the season in the bottom of the first inning after he drove Jered Weaver’s breaking ball to deep right-center field. Trout ran all the way back to the warning track, leaped up and snagged the ball over his head before it landed beyond the fence. Trout hit the wall, landed on his feet and may have been more excited than Angels fans watching.
“Now that is Torii Hunter, circa 2002 against Barry Bonds in the All-Star Game,” the Angels announcer said as Trout celebrated the highlight.
Because they called it out by name, here’s that very Bonds clip for your comparing/contrasting needs:
EIGHT F*CKING YEARS. That’s how long federal prosecutors spent trying to throw Barry Bonds in the slammer for 12 counts of perjury and obstruction of justice and whatever else they had a boner over. So when the verdict came down last week, what did the millions of dollars of taxpayer money get us? Guilty on four counts to the tune of a $4,000 fine, home confinement for 30 days and two years of probation. Oh, and he has to do 250 hours of community service.
Let justice be done though thy heaven’s fall.
A lawyer for Bonds, Allen Ruby, asked by reporters which side he thought had come out ahead in the sentencing, said: “It depends on whether justice was done. If justice was done, then everyone’s a winner. As to what we think, we’re not talking.”
The prosecutors in the case declined comment immediately afterward. But in court, assistant United States attorney Matthew A. Parrella took issue with Illston once it became clear from her presentence comments that there would be no jail term.
In response to her comment that Bonds’s obstruction of justice was a departure from an “otherwise law-abiding lifestyle,” Parrella said Bonds was “well versed in misleading people” and cited the illegal use of drugs and “mistresses through two marriages.”
“He wasn’t convicted for any of those,” Illston responded.
(Via the New York Times)
Ah, the old “He cheated on his wife so he must be a criminal” strategy. Pure brilliance. I’d love to expound on my outrage that tens and maybe hundreds of millions of dollars were spent by the government on trying to prove that Bonds used steroids when any person with a working set of eyes could figure that out, but I’ve already been distracted by the most compelling argument.
After the jump, meet the Barry Bonds fan who puts our whole legal system to shame.
This Ride Will Be The Death Of You.
That’s Final Destination 3‘s tagline, because it is about a roller coaster that kills you. The roller coaster crash in that movie takes about nine minutes, making it the longest f**king roller coaster of all time.
Anyway, so arrives the third and final (until the sequel) installment of guest writer Bill Hanstock’s SFinal Destination series. We’ve spent seven-plus years portraying Giants fans as the butt of a horse, so hopefully this will catch on with San Fran Fans and open up a world of new ideas, such as the Giants dying in an airplane and the Giants dying on a freeway. In case you missed our updates on Friday, our updates yesterday AND today’s Morning Links, please read Part 1 and Part 2 before clicking through.
Then, click through. Today’s HAUNTING Dugout THRILLRIDE~ is after the jump.
Roger Clemens is a free man. More or less.
The perjury trial of former Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens ended in a mistrial on the second day of witness testimony after prosecutors showed the jury evidence that violated a court order.
U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton in Washington said today that he’s considering barring further prosecution of Clemens on double-jeopardy grounds and set a hearing for Sept. 2 on whether to let the case proceed.
As a baseball fan and a human male on the Internet, I am outraged. I want Roger Clemens to go to jail for the rest of his life. No, I don’t think a prison term is the best idea for someone who cheated at baseball or did drugs or lied about either, I just really don’t like Roger Clemens. I am going to register a “kill Roger Clemens with a firing squad” Facebook page because of this, and I’m sure that will effect change.
Until then, please read the transcript from today’s proceedings.
