In what continues to be my go-to feel-better story of the year, 7-year old Jack Hoffman is still riding the high of becoming the Nebraska Cornhuskers’ biggest star football player in the program’s long, storied history. (Obviously, I’ve crossed out the Bill Callahan era with a thick, black Magic Marker.) Jack, of course, is the young brain cancer patient who ran for a 69-yard touchdown during the team’s recent spring game, and that was followed up by Upper Deck creating his very own trading card.

Yesterday, Jack and his family got to visit the White House and meet with President Barack Obama for about 15 minutes to talk about the boy’s incredible spring.

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Have you ever wondered what Charles Barkley thinks about America’s Presidents? So far his opinions have been mostly about whether or not he’s a role model (he is not), how everyone who isn’t Charles Barkley plays basketball (turrible), Weight Watchers (it’s a scam) and the Five Buck Box (it rocks, it rocks). Also, hey, have you ever wanted to imagine Ernie Johnson as a slave-master? I know I have.

Please enjoy this soundbite from the Sprint Halftime Report, wherein Sir Charles ranks Abraham Lincoln over his previous favorite, Barack Obama, because Daniel Day-Lewis hasn’t played Obama in a movie. Yet.

“Abe Lincoln’s my new favorite president. Know why? If it wasn’t for him we would be calling Ernie, Boss.”

Part of me wishes Barkley had gone with a less talked-about President (suggestion: “James K. Polk’s my new favorite president. Know why? Because he was the Napoleon of the stump.”), but I understand his choice. Abe was an important guy. He also loved sports, which makes Barkley’s pick even better. Want to know how awesome Abraham Lincoln was at sports? Here’s an historical drawing of him chokeslamming a dude:

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President Barack Obama is finally doing what we elected him to do: he’s berating the NHL owners and players for being jerks about money so we can have pro hockey again. Well, that’s what I elected him to do.

The POTUS issued a thorough, partisan-free statement in an interview with WCCO-TV in Minneapolis, and if Gary Bettman missed it and reads With Leather (which I’m sure is the case), I hope he reads it carefully:

“My message to owners and to players is, ‘You guys make a lot of money and you make a lot of money on the backs of fans, so do right by your fans. You can figure out how to spread out a bunch of revenue that you’re bringing in, but do right by the people who support you,”‘ Obama said. “And I shouldn’t have to be involved in a dispute between really wealthy players and even wealthier owners. They should be able to settle this themselves. And remember who it is that’s putting all that money in their pockets.”

This isn’t the first time Obama’s spoken out about the lockout … back in October he stared into the dark abyss that is Jay Leno, broke out a flippant “y’all” and told the warring factions to get their shit together. This is also what he does during Middle East peace talks.

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Back in 2010, five Ohio State Buckeyes football players were exposed for their roles in a horrifying murder-for-hire operation that included then-standout quarterback Terrelle Pryor, who was wanted by both the FBI and Interpol for his role in hundreds of global leader assassinations as far back as the 1830s. Wait, no. Sorry. I meant that five Ohio State players exchanged autographs for tattoos, cash and rental cars, among other things. And the whole world looked on in shock and terror, because never could we believe that people would take advantage of teenage athletes by dangling money in front of their faces.

Ultimately, the scandal revealed that as many as 28 players were involved and it led to former coach Jim Tressel’s resignation after it was revealed that he was well aware of his players’ side deals, and he had also been using ineligible players in 2010. Tressel was found to have violated an NCAA bylaw and he was accused of lying to the NCAA when he was questioned about these improper benefits. But with credit to THE university’s leadership, OSU officials did show some balls for forcing the Jim to “retire” and voluntarily forfeiting all wins from the 2010 season. Too bad the NCAA ain’t care, and the Buckeyes were slapped with a postseason ban for this season.

A funny thing happens, though, when a team is 11-0 with no prospect of playing in the Big 10 championship game or even the BCS Championship Game – fans get super pissed off. So much so that they create crazy petitions demanding that President Barack Obama “pardon” their football team.

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I don’t mean to imply that we couldn’t watch any sports last night. For instance, I watched the Orlando Magic at the Chicago Bulls last night. But since Barack Obama had to be such a winner and whatever last night, the Bulls had to ruin that game for me, too. I mean, Joakim Noah was knocking down jumpers and Carlos Boozer looked like he had an actual pulse.

My point is that everyone was all fired up about the election last night, even though the only candidate who mattered was Kate Upton’s uncle. Oh well, at least we have some college football and NBA action tonight. And volleyball, I won’t ever exclude volleyball.

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Normally, posts about Taiwan animation sports recaps are pretty straight-forward; Tim Tebow gets literally crucified, a newborn baby flies out of a womb with a handgun or Queen Elizabeth beats a kangaroo to death with a baseball bat. You know, the usual.

With Election Day right around the corner, our pals in Taiwan (and the uncredited nerds and graphic designers in Los Angeles who probably write and actually animate these things on the reg) have gone the extra mile. Instead of simply posting a bunch of videos of Barack Obama riding a tiger into a circus tent and tearing up a bunch of binders full of women, Next Media Animation has crossed over into the video game world and allowed you to control the U.S. Presidential candidates via their grim, violent, barely-drawn avatars.

Not content with showing wacky re-creations of world events, Next Media Animation is now getting viewers into the action.

The “Obama vs Romney Boxing Faceoff” game, released in time for the US election, lets viewers feel the ‘deep affection’ the candidates have for each other. The interactive online experience lets anyone become either President Obama or Governor Romney for a satisfying smackdown of the opponent in a virtual boxing ring. (via NMA.tv)

It’s like that old game where you could beat up Barney the dinosaur, only in 2012 for some reason, featuring people who will control the world. Who cares about the loss of our privacy and freedoms or a rollback on women’s rights when you can get 5-20 seconds of mild enjoyment out of a crudely done, virtual Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? THIS IS HOW WE ROLL. And in all honesty, I’m surprised Taiwan didn’t whip out this concept for Hurricane Sandy. That thing got memed to death, and I would’ve enjoyed punching an anthropomorphic New York City subway system in boxing gloves.

Anyway, because I don’t have time to make a photo-realistic Romney and Obama in WWE ’13 before tomorrow morning, you can get more information about the game here, and watch a hype video below. They never touch, but their eyes are connected by lightning! AMERICA!

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