Taiwan’s Next Media Animation has really gone above and beyond with their latest effort, calmly titled, “New York Yankees 2012 season goes off the rails”. Taiwan Animation generally sticks to recapping major stories with a keen sarcastic eye for the absurdity of truth, but now they’re in the predictions game, and that game includes saying C.C. Sabathia has gained so much weight that whenever he goes to the beach “Greenpeace tries to drag his ass back into the water”. They are not playing around.

I hate the Yankees as much as the next guy, but no part of “tied for first in the AL East with the Baltimore Orioles” necessitates the entire New York infield playing with the aid of walkers or calling Derek Jeter an “overrated singles slapper”. I don’t know if these things are written by committee or just by random dudes on the Internet approached by violent strangers in pig masks a la the Saw movie franchise, but man, this is extra harsh. Consider that Tampa is five games back on September 17 and … wait, am I trying to rationalize this with stats? F**k New York and their pirate ship adventures.

If New York wins the division, I’ll expect a full retraction from Next Media Animation. I also expect it to be bat-shit insane.

Manny Machado of the Baltimore Orioles fakes a throw to first and catches Tampa Bay’s Rich Thompson in a rundown between third and home. If this Orioles season doesn’t end with them winning game 7 of the World Series in the bottom of the ninth, Hollywood has lied to me.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

‘The Simpsons’ And ‘Breaking Bad’ Mashup Finally Has The Posters It Deserves |UPROXX|

10 Things We Learned From The Season Premiere Of ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ |Warming Glow|

James Cameron puts Jack-Could’ve-Fit Gate to Rest Once and for All |Film Drunk|

Aaron Rodgers Wussed Out On His Bet So We Photoshopped Him Into 49ers Jerseys |With Leather|

Has ‘Futurama’ Jumped The Space Whale? |Gamma Squad|

The Company Who Brought Us Hologram Tupac Files For Bankruptcy |Smoking Section|

The Automated Yahoo! Fantasy Football Recaps Are Hilarious |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Read the rest of this entry »

Now that the NFL and NCAA football are back in action (BACKTION!) we understand that sports can get a little confusing, so we’re bringing back this old running feature in which we help you decide what to watch each night. This way, you won’t miss anything important, whether it be an incredibly tight and exciting American League East race or an incredibly tight and exciting Oregon Ducks cheerleader.

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants – 8:30 PM ET on NBC

The NFL comes to us one night earlier than usual – thanks, Obama – as one of the league’s fiercest rivalries takes the main stage. Can Eli Manning and the defending Super Bowl Champion Giants keep momentum in their favor with a win over Tony Romo and the Cowboys’ banged up receivers? Probably. But you can discuss the game in style with our cooler cousin Christmas Ape over at the KSK Live Blog, which is undergoing a sexy makeover this season.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Where's Ben Wallace, String?"

HBO’s ‘The Wire’ is the best TV show ever made. There, I said it.

In 5 seasons over 60 episodes, David Simon’s law and streets epic was literature on television, an experience so dense and rewarding that it somehow managed to simultaneously depict life in Baltimore as realistic and hyper-romanticized. It’s one of those things you’ve either seen and worship, or have resisted all your friends screaming OH MY GOD YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE WIRE NO SERIOUSLY BORROW MY DVDS AND WATCH IT for like ten years.

This week’s Sports On TV column is in reverence to this masterwork of Orioles jokes and cereal references, and my only real disclaimer is that there are tons and tons of spoilers inside, so it’ll work best if you’ve seen the entire run of the show. If you haven’t, you should still click through … out-of-context Wire quotes are like gold, glittery paint on the Internet and should be experienced.

And yes, I took notes on a criminal f**king conspiracy.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re having trouble thinking of a whiter, more joyless thing than “Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly watching a baseball game together”, try adding “and doing the wave during a Yankees loss at Yankee Stadium” to the end of it.

Their reactions are pitch-perfect. Trump watches everyone have fun, then does a terrible version of the wave himself about five seconds too late. O’Reilly keeps time with the wave but only does it with his index finger, rolling his eyes with the rest of his body as it passes.

I can’t really blame Bill for this one. The wave is dumb, and my reaction to it at games isn’t much different. Actually, wait, I can totally blame them for this. After it was done, O’Reilly chastised President Obama for letting the wave happen in what’s SUPPOSED to be a free country, and Trump took credit for starting it. That felt good!

[h/t to Outside The Boxscore]

Jim Thome is now a Baltimore Oriole, and “Jim Thome trades” are between “Phillie Phanatic got injured” and “Kate Upton uploaded naked pictures of herself” on the list of important stories for me to cover. It’s just what I do.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, we’ve set up our first ever cross-site Dugout promotion. For part one of this Dugout, you’ll want to head over to Progressive Boink, the strip’s original home.

Like that, leave a comment, then head back over to read part two, which has fewer curse words but more overt references to The Wire. It’s fun for all, and I love my friends at P-Boi, so stick around over there and read some dumb stuff.

Anyway, Dugout, Thome, Orioles. After the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »