A four-feet tall aluminum No. 8 that sat outside of Baltimore’s Camden Yards was stolen by four men arrested early this morning. The large No. 8 either is commemorating the career or Orioles legend Cal Ripken or denoting the number of ounces in a half-pound of crack. I hear they like the crack up there.
Police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi says surveillance camera footage shows the four men removing the monument and placing it in the back of a pickup truck.
They were later arrested in east Baltimore. The suspects are 18-year-old Patrick Reynolds, 19-year-old Jason Stonebuner, 19-year-old Matthew Rayner and 19-year-old Gary Parker. Parker is from Baltimore, while the other three are from Essex. via.
And that’s a damn shame, because I was all set to answer this Craigslist ad that Unsilent Majority found earlier today.
My uh..uncle made this for Cal Ripken. Does not want it anymore. makes a great lawn ordainment or paper weight over small annoying dogs. Maybe your favorite number is eight? I know mine is. $150 OBO. It is sitting in the back of my truck on Baltimore Street, I can get some strong crack heads to help lift it off for an extra $25.
What a joker. Everybody knows there’s no such thing as strong crackheads. That’s probably why the crackhead labor market is in the tank right now. $25 seems a little steep for people that would lick the side of a tree for loose change.
Boston Red Sox pitcher John Smoltz pitched in his second outing of the year last night; but his start was overshadowed by the fact that the Sawks gave up a nine-run lead and lost, 11-10. To the friggin’ Orioles, further cementing Smoltz’s reputation as a black cat running under a ladder on Friday the 13th while knocking over a mirror. From Y! Sports:
Baltimore trailed 10-1 before scoring five runs in the seventh inning and five more in the eighth. The rally was even more shocking because it came against a Boston team that had defeated the Orioles eight straight times, including five this season.[...]
“We just had no answer,” Red Sox manager Terry Francona said. “We went through everybody. Nothing we did worked.”
Smoltz was off the hook for the decision, having been pulled before the requisite five innings due to a 71-minute rain delay. I understand that Smoltz spent the rest of the game in a rocking chair, knitting a sweater and sniffing paint thiner. Isn’t that ridiculous? Who’s gonna wear a sweater in July?
Baseball great Cal Ripken canceled a youth baseball clinic he was scheduled to run in Nicaragua, pussying out because of “dangerous political strife” in the wake of hotly contested elections.
[T]he program sponsors canceled the last day of the tour because protesters were blocking major roads in Leon and they were concerned parents and the youths would not be able to attend, U.S. Embassy spokeswoman Kristin Stewart said.
Opposition party supporters are claiming election fraud and have clashed with leftist Sandinista party supporters, blocked roads and held protests since the Nov. 9 municipal elections.
Aw, that sucks. They really shouldn’t have canceled. Just send little brother Billy in Cal’s place. Worst case scenario: the kids learn baseball from Bill Ripken. Sure, it’s also possible that the Sandinistas might kidnap Billy and hold him for ransom, but that’s not gonna work out. Billy Ripken error cards are worth more than Billy Ripken.
Thanks to a shift that placed Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts well out of the infield, Jason Giambi grounded out to 
right field last night. In his next at-bat, Giambi somehow dropped a hit between Roberts and the right fielder, then made a gesture to let Roberts know that he's #1.
Not bad, Jason. The judges also would have accepted "I GOT YOUR SHIFT RIGHT HERE!" provided you had grabbed your crotch in a matching rhythm with the final two syllables. That's my preferred gesture. Everyone agrees: I'm really good at grabbing my crotch.
[Video: Mr. Irrelevant; Still image: Sportscrack]
Fortune has it that the Baltimore Orioles have been having some difficulty winning games on Sundays. Must be all those noisome Maryland blue laws preventing them from getting needed booze before the games. One would think the Lord's Day could chase away the satanic influence of Peter Angelos. Either way, outfielder Jay Payton has an idea to stanch the slide.
The Orioles have lost 10 straight Sunday games after winning their first one in April. And once again, the loss prevented them from completing a sweep.
"We should just quit playing on Sundays and we'll be in first place," Jay Payton said. "It's just one of those stats. Maybe we need to cut the head off a monkey or something to switch it up. I think it's usually a chicken, but I'm thinking maybe a monkey would work. But that's animal cruelty. I wouldn't do that."
Thanks, Pedro Cerrano. You want all the benefits of voodoo but none of the dirty work? And everybody knows monkey paws are the luckiest part of the simian anatomy. Not monkey penises, certainly. Thanks for the bum steer, shady Moroccan merchant.
The Orioles must have anticipated being slightly better than .500 this year, so they made this music video, which comes complete with arm-spelling and the fake-playing of instruments. Looks like the whole video was shot inside Camden Yards, and I for one am a little disappointed that they didn't embrace their city and include Baltimore's noted landmarks, like… uh… the shipyards. Or the abandoned warehouse district. Or the tire fire. A shame, really.
