As FanHaus's Michael David Smith noted, Tony Kornheiser was enamored with the metaphor of Colts safety Bob Sanders being Chuck Norris.  MDS complains:

When Ron Jaworski mentioned that Sanders is a tough, physical player, Tony Kornheiser compared him to Chuck Norris. That was funny the first time. Less funny the second time. Not at all funny the third time. The fourth time I started…

"…angrily typing on my computer!" 

With Leather supports any and all Chuck Norris references throughout the world of sports, especially if they include him battling the freakish telekinetic powers of Bob Costas.  Besides, Sanders had a pretty measty night — he was all over the place, materializing from the ether to stuff the Jags' running game.  Also, his tears cure cancer.  Too bad he's never cried.

A quick review: 

• Baseball fights: everyone runs onto the field and stands around.
• Football fights: two players wearing impenetrable helmets and padding push each other.
• Basketball fights: Single punch, several minutes of jersey-pulling.
• Hockey fights: Two guys hold onto each other's sweaters and punch until someone falls down.
• Soccer fights: kicking, hair-pulling. 

Advantage: rugby. 

[Rugby World Cup] 

Saturday night I shelled out some of my hard-earned blog earnings for 2.5 hours of open bar and the UFC fights.  And while we didn't get to see the Babalu-David Heath bloodbath that left the Octagon stained the rest of the night (side note: apparently Heath had earlier worn a tee-shirt that had a picture from Babalu's DUI arrest on it), I did get to see George St. Pierre work over Josh Koscheck before 44-year-old Randy Couture inexplicably defended his heavyweight title against Brazilian brawler Gabriel Gonzaga. 

But Couture didn't just run a clinic on one of the baddest men on the planet (who's 16 years younger than he is) — he did it with a broken arm.

Couture sustained the injury Saturday blocking a Gonzaga right high kick with his left forearm, cleanly separating the ulna bone with a “nightstick fracture,” a break common in law enforcement circles. The injury placed the UFC heavyweight champion’s arm in a splint for six weeks. The appendage will not need a cast. “It’s not displaced, so the doctors think it will reattach in about a week and a half,” said Couture.

You know what would be an awesome TV show?  Randy Couture kicking Bear Grylls's ass.  Every week, Grylls could get dropped off in the middle of nowhere, with no sustenance besides what the show's producers give him between takes, and nothing nicer than a two-star hotel to sleep in.  Then Couture comes onscreen and kicks his ass. 

Okay, so I haven't really worked out the details yet, but I'd definitely get lots of tight shots of Bear crying.

[FanHaus] 

Agent Steinz pointed me in the direction of this Mike Wise column on Redskins tight end/H-back Chris Cooley, and there's so much goodness that I've got to shoot bullets of knowledge into your brain.  Keep in mind, all of this is besides his super short-shorts at practice and recent growth of a mustache (to honor North Dallas Forty).

•  His fiancee, Christy, is a former Redskins cheerleader who was fired when it was learned they were dating.  They met through another Redskins cheerleader Cooley had also dated and was also fired.  To this day some of the Redskinettes are still pissed at Cooley.

•  Coach Joe Gibbs has asked him not eat off the floor of the team plane. From the column: "Hey, the applesauce cup flipped over," he explained. "I just ate it out of the cup off the floor like a dog. I didn't think it was that big a deal."

•  Cooley went to Vixens strip club in West Virginia this spring, and he took Christy with him.  And her father, her uncle, and her uncle's wife.  They were recognized by the staff, and the strippers danced to "Hail to the Redskins."

And I didn't even get to the Captain Chaos nickname or loving '80s hair bands or partying with Dale Earnhardt.  Dale Earnhardt, Jr., that is.  Although if someone could invent a time machine that was powered by being awesome, Cooley could go back and hang with the Intimidator, too.  And maybe stop Hitler too.  Yeah, I guess he should probably stop Hitler first, then hang with Dale Earnhardt.  That makes more sense.

SEXY UPDATE: 289 points us to Christy's Maxim photo shoot. 

I often get headaches for 15 weeks at a time, at which point I usually check my head for teeth embedded in my skull:

Ben Czislowski had a clash of heads with Tweed Heads forward Matt Austin during a Queensland Cup [rugby] game on April 1.  He had the wound stitched up but was wondering why he felt lethargic, had an eye infection and had shooting pains in his head ever since.

Czislowski… visited his GP last week and all was revealed… [he] ran around for 15 weeks without knowing an opponent's tooth was buried in his forehead.

I had almost the same thing happen to me last year.  I went around for 15 weeks wondering why it burned when I peed.  I guess owe a few ladies apologies.

(Link via the Debriefing; also see College Game Balls)   

People assume that I'm some kind of badass just because I have a tattoo for every major trial I went through in the Marine Corps, but the truth is that I'm a sensitive soul.  I love petting kittens and re-watching The Notebook, and I'm not ashamed to admit that when the tattoo artist filled in the work on my spine, I clenched my jaw and grunted a little bit.  After a while, I even asked for a break like a pussy.

Not Schrutebag, though.  What a model of stoicism.  Is he a human being or a statue?

(Photos from this delightful ESPN gallery, via Awful Announcing)