Red Bull Made A Little Oopsie In Congratulating Felix Baumgartner

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.15.12

Austrian crazy guy Felix Baumgartner became a household name yesterday when he climbed into a little capsule with a balloon attached and flew to the edge of outer space, 24 miles above the Earth. Once he reached his desired altitude, Felix popped the door open and stepped out for some fresh air, and then he plummeted back to the ground while everyone watched via YouTube. Amazingly, his quest was a success and people cheered him on (or, you know, asked why in the blue yonder of hell would he even do this in the first place).

So what does it feel like to be 24 miles above the Earth, watching as the ground gets closer and closer? According to Felix, it ain’t no thang, bros.

“It’s like swimming without touching the water, and it’s hard because every time it turns you around you have to figure out what to do. So I was sticking my arm out then it became worse,” he said. “I had a lot of pressure in my head. But I didn’t feel like I was passing out. I was still feeling ok, I — I thought, ‘I can handle the situation.’ And I did.” (Via)

Perhaps the craziest detail of this feat is that Felix reached a max speed of 833 mph – Mach 1.24, according to dorks – while he broke the sound barrier in his cool little suit. And the whole thing lasted just 4 minutes and 20 seconds. Man, if I could last 4 minutes and 20 seconds… wait, what were we talking about?

Felix is sponsored by Red Bull in all of his craziest endeavors, and the energy drink company was obviously stoked after Felix landed safely yesterday, so its marketing and PR wizards expressed their encouragement on Facebook. Unfortunately, they didn’t bother using spell check and they made the tiniest little faux pas.

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M’S COACH HITS FOR THE PROFANITY CYCLE

Written by Christmas Ape / 06.05.08

The Chief is too wearied by the ongoing saga of his Mariners and their unremitting cycle of defeat, losing, tanking and buggery to further discuss them in this space, so the responsibility is deferred to his simian underling. Oh wait, that's me. Anyfuck, here's the clip of manager John McLaren getting bleeped a bunch of times, the number of which being padded because this particular TV station also bleeps "pissed off". Thanks for protecting our delicate sensibilities, censorsunts. 

McLaren is all hot and bothered because the Mariners have the worst record in baseball despite a $117 million payroll and somewhat bright prospects coming into the season. Erik Bedard, who McLaren diplomatically said has to lose a few more games before he's really considered a disappointment, couldn't help but bring the losing virus in from Baltimore. It's actually the least malignant disease you can get from Charm City. Be thankful, Erik.

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