While most 7-month old babies are still trying to understand colors, shapes, people and why Miley Cyrus was named the hottest woman in the world by Maxim, an Australian boy named Ryder is already well on his way to becoming the next great water skiing champion. And sure, I have no clue if water skiing even has champions, but it’s just nice to see some parents being proactive in their baby’s development and not doing stupid things like “waiting for him to grow up” before introducing him to extreme sports.

Now, some people obviously disagree with someone as young as Ryder being placed on a makeshift set of water skis while his father pulls him through shallow water as a means of introducing him to the basics of water skiing. Those people cite silly things like “logic” and “common sense” and “child endangerment” and “life-threatening conditions” while arguing that a 7-month old shouldn’t be water skiing.

But those critics and backseat parents will all eat their words in two years when this kid is dating Madonna.

Read the rest of this entry »

The unexpected theme of the week at With Leather has been “soccer is a bad idea and hurts everyone”. We’ve written about a soccer player driving a Porsche through the front of a convenience store at 5:30 in the morning and another sliding dong-first into a goal post trying to stop a shot, not to mention Taiwan’s perspective and a sniper’s on the epidemic of diving. It’s like an entire world of people who cried wolf, then didn’t have anyone around to help them when they lost a testicle or obliterated an entire rack of Funyuns with a luxury automobile.

In the latest example of soccer hurting everyone who goes near it, “football practice goes wrong” chronicles the efforts of a dad who puts his tiny baby child in goal, then blindly kicks a ball toward it as hard as he can as if nothing would happen. I mean, he acts like it was an accident, but all signs point to this guy piefacing an infant for fun and showing it to the Internet. Why even make the kid stand there? SMDH at you, soccer guy.

Now the official list reads:

1. Do not have children.
2. Do not kick soccer balls at childrens’ faces.
3. Do not video tape yourself doing numbers 1 or 2.

[via Sportress]

By now you’re probably familiar with the story of Paisley Dickey, the diminutive diva who has become a “Toddlers & Tiaras” anti-sensation in the wake of her mother dressing her as a prostitute on a recent episode of the show from hell. To be specific, Paisley was dressed as Julia Roberts’ hooker character from Pretty Woman, so at least she has a heart of gold.

So why, Burnsy, is this being discussed on this esteemed fart joke machine sports blog? Because Paisley’s mother, Wendy, has invoked my unholiest wrath with the laziest argument in the world.

‘I take my kid to church every week… at least I’m not forcing them into sports and getting my child injured like some parents.

‘People need to look at their own family and what they’re doing. I don’t know why people are focusing so much on pageant moms when there’s much more harmful things people are letting their children do!’

(Via The Daily Mail)

Yeah, like play sports and learn the importance of teamwork, leadership, discipline, and Big League Chew as a stepping stone to Red Man. OK, maybe not that last part, but you get my point.

Read the rest of this entry »

About 75 of you have sent me this story about the Chilean Olympic weightlifter who didn’t realize she was preggers until she gave birth in the middle of a training session to a preemie. Elizabeth Poblete, who’s actually a 22-year-old Brazilian, gave the world a new innovation to the “snatch” event when she gave birth to a 2.5-pound baby boy last week.

“A week [before the birth], I acted as a judge in a competition in Chile and this girl was competing. All went well and she won the competition,” the AFP news agency reportedly quoted him as saying.

“I could see she was a big girl, round and strong. That’s all I noticed.” –NY Daily News, via everyone.

The baby boy is in ICU in a Sao Paulo hospital, and there’s no indication that anyone knows who the father is. I can’t imagine that there was a line around the block for a woman as big, round and strong as that. Although I wouldn’t mind to have a woman grab me and hoist me over her head right before achievement. Just once.

Erek Brown had his ear bitten off by a dog, then had it reattached over the course of three surgeries. After the first surgery, doctors recommended against physical activity, because it could lead to the permanent loss of his ear. But his mom forced him to play because he’s the star player. And also because she’s a bitch.

Of course, this is all according to “Family Court With Judge Penny,” so take that for what it’s worth. And what it’s worth is ratings GOLD. I love me my sassy judges. If someone I call “your honor” doesn’t wave her finger at people and sexually harass the bailiff, I’m sorry, I’m not interested.

[Mouthpiece Sports]

Lacrosse players everywhere are slightly less despicable than usual today after thirteen high schoolers in Michigan were suspended for a cheeky prom invitation. (Note: I hate myself for that pun.)

The varsity lacrosse players displayed the question, "Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?" on their bottoms, which they bared during a junior varsity game last Thursday… [Carolyn] Campbell accepted the invitation by patting the back of the player who displayed the word "Yes."

Officials suspended the 13 players for an undetermined number of games and ordered them to perform 20 hours of community service. They also were suspended from school for one day.

"Inappropriate is inappropriate," school athletic director Dottie Davis told The Ann Arbor News. "It disrespects women, and that's the clear message we need to have the students understand — what may be fun to them isn't necessarily fun to everyone else."

Oh fer chrissakes, Dottie.  You know, just because no one ever liked YOU enough to line up thirteen bare asses to ask you to prom doesn't mean other people should suffer.  Clean the cobwebs out of your dusty gash and lighten the fuck up. 

(thanks to outofsync)