It’s Friday, which means we’re all tired and ready to go home. It also means that we’re more open to ridiculing people similar to ourselves (sports fans) who have made horrible life decisions, because what’s wrong with you, we’re just trying to lay low and go home.

I’ve been trying to figure out which of these is worse — the guy who got the Miami Heat logo and the word “LeBron” shaved into his head, or the guy who got a Pittsburgh Steelers Terrible Towel” tattoo on his shoulder. You know, so it looks like he’s got a towel on his shoulder. FOREVER.

Let’s compare and contrast them:

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Carolina Panthers backup quarterback Jimmy Clausen is no stranger to controversy, as he had a couple run-ins with the law during his days at Notre Dame. But now, like any good bordering-on-obsolete athlete, he’s using Twitter to fight his biggest battles. This week, Clausen’s main event match is against none other than Supercuts, the place where impatient moms take their kids to look acceptable for yearbook photos. *points to self*

Clausen apparently popped into his local Supercuts yesterday to look sharp for his team photo, which is being taken today, and he was none too pleased with the result. He was angry enough that he vented on Twitter. Sadly, no photo was attached.

Of course, it didn’t take long for someone to point out the obvious.

But shortly after, Supercuts came calling with a formal apology.

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I know this is going to be tough for you to hear, but Donald Trump has backed out of the Indianapolis 500 and won’t be driving the pace car at the 100th anniversary of the race. Be strong, you need to be strong now more than ever. Trump says he decided to hand over the keys because driving would be “inappropriate” if he was running for President, adding that it had nothing to do with the fact that he was absolutely ice-burned at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner and can no longer show his face in public. His hair added, “rarrr.”

Today the Indianapolis Motor Speedway (the speedway itself, not a person, while we’re being anthropomorphic) released the following statement:

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Yesterday, the word on the street was that Memphis Grizzlies guard Tony Allen had done the physically improbable and shaved a grizzly bear into the back of his head. He wanted his initiation into the Hair Bair Bunch to be a surprise, so no pictures were provided. Well, a day has passed, and pictures were provided.

To your right is a picture of what it looks like when you get a reverse bear face, and somehow it is completely awesome. I especially like the grizzly’s sparkling eyes, as well as how the whole thing looks like it was outlined in chalk. Maybe the grizzly is emerging from snow with a mouthful of Milk of Magnesia. The good news for Memphis is that the sight of a scary bear has rendered the San Antonio Spurs completely helpless.

More players should follow Allen’s lead and shave logos into the backs of their heads. Even the white players. Especially the white players. Logos, catchphrases, whatever. Kobe Bryant can shave a snake into his hair on one side and Vlade Divac on the other. I want Dirk Nowitzki to recreate his horrible WELCOME TO DALLAS, DIRK AT WORK road signs and basketballs t-shirt somewhere on his skull. Give him glitter eyes and chalk mouth.

[via Chris Vernon]

Tom Brady’s longer hairstyle has been the subject of a lot of discussion this season, which is great if you would rather forego the intricacies of America’s game and then talking about some dude’s hair (and yet Drew Brees’s decaying ‘Bama Bangs get a pass). Joining the conversation of Brady’s Bieber-esque bob: Bieber himself, who wrote a cute little song about it. No, he didn’t auto-tune it just to be funny. He really just can’t sing. That video is after the jump.

Seriously, who really cares that much about Tom Brady’s hair? Aren’t we more concerned about why the hell the Patriots decided to pull Deion Branch out of Seattle? Or why Logan Mankins decided to come back? Of course not. We’re too stupid to think about that sort of OMG IT’S A CAT DRIVING A CAR!

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Last season, when the St. Louis Cardinals needed a little boost to swing momentum in their favor, they traded for Matt Holliday and Brendan Ryan grew a mustache. This weekend, after having swapped first place in the NL Central with the Cincinnati Reds 19 times throughout the season, the Cards saw their deficit grow to five games in the division. So they went out on the waiver wires, acquired a big bat and got right back into the playoff hunt. Or they all shaved their heads. Which one makes more sense?

While antics like this are hardly a rarity in professional sports, they still garner plenty of joyous attention. And that’s fine on days when 90 percent of the sports news media is focused on how Roger Clemens’ golf outing went after he plead not guilty to six felony charges. I imagine he failed to break 100, blamed the greenskeeper and then had his niece Kirby write an angry blog about him. But I digress.

Do the carpets match the curtains, CBS Sports:

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