Once Again, Kids Learn That Crying Gets Them Whatever They Want

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.26.12

Yo, you got any other pics of her on your phone?

We’ve had some great conversations here in the past about baseball fan etiquette and, more specifically, what is right and wrong when it comes to little kids and foul balls. Last night in Arlington, we witnessed yet another classic “What would you do?” situation, when Texas Rangers first baseman Mitch Moreland flipped a foul ball into the crowd and it was caught by a couple. Seated next to that couple was another couple with a young son, who proceeded to cry like all holy hell was raining down because he didn’t get that ball.

Obviously, since I wasn’t at the game, I don’t know exactly what happened, but between Twitter and SportsCenter endlessly analyzing this incident, I have formed an opinion… Little dude needs to suck it up and be a man.

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The NFL Is Giving A-Hole Fans A Second Chance

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.16.12

Some Raiders fans are really quite pleasant.

For the past two years, the NFL has apparently been sending undercover rival fans into stadiums to goad home fans into starting fights so Roger Goodell and his army of peacekeepers could weed out the sh*tty fans. Somewhere Bryan Stow’s family is like, “WTF Bud Selig?”

The fans that were busted picking fights and acting a fool, as my friend Ludacris would say, received lifetime bans from NFL games, because little Timmy and Sally Everyperson need to have a good time watching guys kick the piss out of each other on a field every Sunday.

But don’t worry, guys who like getting hammered and picking fights to make yourselves feel better about your awful lives. The NFL is giving you all a second chance by letting you take an online test to make sure you’ve learned your lessons.

“We’re not trying to squash anyone’s passion. We’re just trying to say don’t be violent,” said Dr. Ari Novick, the Californian who’s the brains behind the program.

Requirements will vary depending on the stadium, but most of the time the stadium louts will have to pass the test before being allowed back in, he said.

The classes are an effort to stem the rising tide of ugly stadium behavior that has included everything from bare-knuckle brawls to lewd Jets fans who screamed obscenities at women until they exposed their breasts in a rude Gate D tradition at the old Giants Stadium. (Via the New York Post)

The test also costs $75, so I wouldn’t be too shocked if a few people end up failing them two or three or 12 times before they’re allowed back, if you know what I mean.

Actually, the NFL doesn’t get any of the money. For each person who takes the test, Mothers Against Drunk Driving gets $10 and the HERO Campaign gets another $10. The other $55? Oh, it goes in Dr. Novick’s pocket. How convenient of an idea.

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Minor Leaguer Takes Out Trash, Fans

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.29.11

trash monster

A Texas League baseball game between the Frisco RoughRiders and the San Antonio Missions erupted into a full-on WWF hardcore match from 2000 on Tuesday when fans started throwing water bottles at the players, and RoughRider Engel Beltre responded by beaning them with a trash can. No, seriously. From the San Antonio Express-News:

The incident came soon after a controversial call in the ninth inning when umpires overturned a potential three-run, go-ahead homer by Frisco’s Michael Bianucci, instead ruling it was an RBI ground-rule double.

RoughRiders manager Steve Buechele was ejected for arguing the call. The next Frisco batter struck out for the final out of the game.

San Antonio Missions president Burl Yarbrough was nearby when the melee broke out.

“I was standing there, and all of a sudden, a trash can came flying out of the dugout,” he told the San Antonio Express-News in a story on the newspaper’s website. “I’ve been here 24 years, and I’ve never seen anything like this.”

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Nobody Cares That Tampa Bay Is 2-0

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.24.10

Tampa

As we approach Sunday’s Week 3 NFL action, we certainly have a fair share of teams that we never would have imagined would be 2-0 at this point in the season. Jay Cutler is currently the league’s best passer for the 2-0 Chicago Bears, the defense has been strangely great for the 2-0 Miami Dolphins, the Pittsburgh Steelers are rapey-free for two more games and are still 2-0, and 2-0 Kansas City is making the best of being the best of the AFC West worst. Houston’s strong start is arguable and everyone expected New Orleans and Green Bay to be sitting pretty. And then there’s Tampa Bay.

The Buccaneers are tied with the Saints at 2-0 in the NFC South after opening with wins over Cleveland and Carolina. And while those are two pretty awful teams, you’d think that people in Tampa would be able to get behind their Bucs after a very surprising start. Especially when the 2-0 Steelers are being led into town by Chaz Batch. But nope, the Bucs-Steelers game will be Braylon-Edwardsed blacked out in Florida (Ed. – Hooray!) because Tampa fans simply aren’t buying the hype. Somewhere Josh Freeman and… um… I don’t know, someone else who plays for the Bucs are crying.

Paint loser Bucs fans in a shade of orange and cream, USA Today:

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