Let’s hope Brock remembers how to write!

On tonight’s show:

- No, really, that’s the only thing they’ve announced. Brock Lesnar and John Cena will be having a contract signing for a match they’ve already agreed to with stipulations that’ve already been announced. This show is gonna be three hours long.

- Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez won’t be in attendance, as they’ve been traded to Smackdown. You know, unless they appear on Raw as members of Smackdown, which is a thing that always happens.

- Heels making jokes about Detroit, like Michigan doesn’t feel badly enough already.

Poll time:

A few things to remember:

- The top 10 comments of the night will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw report. To nominate a comment for the top 10, respond to it with a +1. You can respond to it with a +anything, really (or even a well placed but less committal “haha”) but the formal +1 makes it easier to find later.

- Be sure to listen to episode 2 of our pro wrestling podcast With Spandex. This week we talk to David “Masked Man” Shoemaker of Deadspin and Grantland fame.

- If you’re in the Austin area tonight and don’t feel like +1′ing anybody, come out to The ND and watch me try to handle a three-hour Raw for my first ever live Best and Worst-style comedy venture. If you show up to this, you are automatically my friend for life, pending you not heckling me the entire time.

Anyway, enjoy the show.

It looks like the Miami sports community has learned from its mistakes; after assuming that signing all the best players would win them a championship in basketball, Miami has taken a different route with the Marlins and will be signing all the best players to win them a championship in baseball. The play-by-play, from birther John Heyman:

hearing #Marlins boosted offer to pujols to 10 years, matching arod’s in length. they are obvs pushing hard.

everybody should have been convinced after reyes for $106M, but this is no publicity stunt by #marlins. #pujols, #perfect10

#marlins strong pursuit of pujols realistically has winnowed the field for pujols to them and incumbent #cardinals.

Cardinals have been resistant to upgrade pujols bid. With marlins strong push, they have tough decision to make.

Yes, they do, almost as tough a decision as whether or not to write the phrase “winnowed the field” anywhere on your Twitter.

As Heyman notes, this 10-year offer to the secretly-31-and-a-half-year old Pujols comes on the heels of the 6-year, 106 million deal for Jose Reyes, so we need to go ahead and get comfortable with the Miami Marlins being a thing … at least a bloated, gangly thing that smells like a National Leagues Red Sox and looks hilarious finishing behind Aramis Ramirez (or whoever) and the Phillies next season.

The Philadelphia Phillies were just ousted from the National League playoffs by the St. Louis Cardinals, so now’s the perfect time for Phillies players to announce their demands for contracts nobody with a functioning frontal lobe of brain should give them. First on the list is Jimmy Rollins, the former NL MVP shortstop who, according to Philly.com Sports, wants to stay in town for the next five years. Keep in mind that he’s already been a Phillie, more or less, since 1996, a year that didn’t happen in the last decade, but in the decade before that.

Rollins, a Phillie for the last 15 years of his life, has set the bar high for his impending free agency. The soon-to-be 33-year-old shortstop wants a five-year contract.

“I’m looking to get five years,” Rollins said. “If it’s going to be shorter, there would have to be a fifth-year option or something like that. My option.”

Sure, being 33 doesn’t make him Julio Franco or anything, but a lot of shortstops don’t make it that deep into their thirties. Ruben Amaro Jr. seems open to the idea, or at least his diplomatic statement seems to lean him that way.

“There’s no question we want Jimmy back and be in our uniform and play shortstop for us for the next several years. Whether that happens kind of depends on if we get to the finish line on it. But Jimmy knows where we stand. Those things will be private.”

For some reason I can’t shake the image of a 36-year old Jimmy Rollins in San Francisco, slowly scooping up grounders and making way too much money to do it.

Luke Walton makes matching hat kind of money.

In my constant desire to talk about Kris Humphries’ sham marriage to Kim Kardashian, I sometimes forget that there’s a pretty nasty lockout going on in the NBA. As of right now, NBA Commissioner David Stern and the players union can’t even agree on when to meet. The preseason is supposed to begin in October and the owners and players are roughly $7.8 billion apart. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – there will be no NBA season this year.

So why is it that Stern is so open to talking about fault and who is to blame – not that he’s blaming the players, but he’s demanding they make all the sacrifices – but the players aren’t really telling us anything? After all, this is a PR battle and both sides need to be kissing our fan asses to win our favor. Enter: Luke Walton – Los Angeles Lakers bench warmer, Vince Mancini body double, and NBA players’ voice of reason.

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