Please forgive my inability to identify baseball video games, since the only games that I play are old school Final Fantasy re-releases for the iPad because I’m a ballllllller. Nevertheless, this bro was getting a quick nine innings in recently as his dog looked on, and I assume that the video game umpire made a call that he didn’t like or the dog couldn’t believe that his owner didn’t swing at that meatball pitch.

Either way, TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! But a huge tip of the cap to the gentleman for his reflexes, because I love my dog more than anything, but a broken TV? That’s at least a one-week belly rub ban, featuring no cookie bones until a Day 5 parole hearing.

However, and this is a rare case of me considering animal-on-TV violence, if my dog chose to freak out and attack the TV over a real-life bad call, I could probably make exceptions. For instance, if I were a Tampa Bay Rays fan and had been watching this call live…

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I bet she's seen a lot of premature ejections in her day

In case you haven’t heard, Bryce Harper is pretty good at baseball. At 16 years old, he was the cover story of Sports Illustrated, in which Tom Verducci referred to him as ‘Baseball’s LeBron’. The pubescent phenom who’s problematic for pitchers chose to skip his junior and senior years of high school. Now, at the ripe old age of 17, he’s far and away the best player on his JUCO squad. However, The College of Southern Nevada may have to do without him for the rest of the JUCO World Series after his most recent shenanigans.

Now, I’d love to say that the umpire was Rayland Givens style justified in throwing out Harper. I’d also love to make some joke about how Harper can’t slay the MILF poon throwing itself at him. Then, I could make another joke about how he couldn’t buy them cigarettes to smoke afterwards. That being said, ejecting Harper is a questionable decision. I’m aware of the fact that players shouldn’t be arguing balls and strikes, but they’re still playing a sport. They should be allowed to get upset, if they do so within reason. Harper’s walking away from the plate, not screaming in the guy’s face. He’s obviously accepted the fact that he’s out, he just doesn’t agree with the call. Not like this whole thing matters, anyway. The Nationals will be able to double down on their incredible phenoms when they take Harper with the number one pick in Monday’s draft. Which is fantastic. I love the thought of more millionaire teenagers. Watching Teen Cribs really puts my life into perspective. Perspective that makes me want to start drinking before noon. Again.