What’s the fastest (and slowest) famous movie/TV vehicle? We gathered 16 Star Cars at Barona Dragstrip in California to find out and burn rubber! Vehicles raced include KITT, the General Lee, Time Machine DeLorean, Transformers Bumblebee, Starksy’s Gran Torino, Herbie, the Bandit’s Trans Am, the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Van, the Bluesmobile, Green Hornet’s Black Beauty, and a few surprises in our season one finale.
If you’re like me, you’re going to watch Star Cars race a bunch of TV and movie-accurate cars against each other and run fantasy match-ups in your head all day long. Who would win in a race, Grandpa Munster’s DRAG-U-LA or The Man from U.N.C.L.E. car? The Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club or Hank and Dean Venture on hover bikes? Brum, or Caillou in rollerskates?
For all the pop culture races that matter, the season finale of Star Cars is below.
Fun Fun Fun Fest In Austin - I’m going to miss out on Public Enemy, Childish Gambino AND Anarchy Championship Wrestling because as a local I didn’t spend 200 dollars on tickets 8 months ago. Somebody at the fest wanna read this and toss me a couple of tickets? I’ll promote you on my … on my uh, sports blog. [FunFunFun Fest]
The 10 Best Ways For Artists To Build Their Brands At Music Festivals - I like using the word “brand” in situations like this, because it reminds me of that contact lens commercial. “MY BRAND!” [Smoking Section]
This Man Is Terrified of Puppies - I got into an argument with my girlfriend over whether this clip is funny or sad. She won, I guess, because I couldn’t come up with an point broader than “come on, really?” [Warming Glow]
Haley Joel Osment Looks… Healthy - At this point I feel like Emily Osment should just cut her hair super short and tell people she’s Haley Joel. She’ll get more street cred, and he’ll still look like a human being. [Film Drunk]
Parks & Meth: ‘Breaking Bad’ Hilariously Meets ‘Parks & Rec’ - I want to start a site for articles like this nobody would Tumble. Like, ‘Three’s Company Hilariously Meets St. Elsewhere’. Waste two hours making graphics and watch the four dissatisfied hits roll in. |UPROXX|
Hoverboards Are Real; Effing Sweet - We’re through the looking glass, people. [Gamma Squad]
LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! I’M MAKING MY GRANDDAUGHTER A SWEATER! - More like R. Lee Navy, am I right [Film Drunk]
Mr. Belding Is Doing Pretty Well, Actually - I don’t care what you say, he was the best part of ‘Saved By The Bell’. That show would’ve just been ‘California Dreams’ without him. [Warming Glow]
10 Marvelous Money Faces - Linking this here because “Marvelous Money Face” was my favorite Dick Tracy villain. [Buzzfeed]
Finally, We Have The Question To Which There Is No Answer: What Is The Best Coldplay Song? - I don’t understand my own relationship with Coldplay. I don’t think they’re bad or musically untalented, but Jesus, there’s no band that gets me to change the radio station faster. [FARK]
Is ‘The Three Musketeers’ the Stupidest Movie Ever Made? (And 24 Other Urgent Questions) - …yet I’m sure everyone involved, including Paul W.S. stupid Anderson, will get to make whatever they want next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. [Moviefone]
Come Up with the Best Reverse 80′s Remake. Win a Pajiba T-Shirt - Remember, nobody made real movies in the 80s, it was always just Molly Ringwald with Depeche Mode playing in the background. [Pajiba]
Robert Zemeckis imagined the California of 2015 as being overrun with 80s nostalgia, 3-D movies with terrible special effects, shoes that mechanically lace themselves and multi-racial gangs on hovering skateboards … and for some reason the United States (and the rest of the world) seems intent on making that California a reality. There’s a store in your mall selling Thundercats and My Little Pony merchandise right now. Shark Night 3-D isn’t any more convincing than the fake looking shark in Jaws 19 and Nike is auctioning off 1,500 pairs of Marty McFly shoes. Doc Brown is there. Even Major League Baseball is trying to make it happen.
In Part II, Marty sees a billboard congratulating the Chicago Cubs on their 2015 World Series victory against a team from Miami. As ridiculous as this seemed in 1989, Miami’s expansion team entered the league only four years later as the Florida Marlins, and as of the release of the 2012 MLB schedule the next step has been taken — say hello, officially, to the Miami Marlins.
The Florida Marlins announced their home schedule for the 2012 regular season. It will be the team’s first season in the New Marlins Ballpark and the first as the Miami Marlins.
Opening Day is set for April 4 when the Marlins host the St. Louis Cardinals.
Now, only two more things need to happen:
1. Realignment needs to occur, moving the Miami Marlins to the American League 2. The Cubs have to build a World-Series-caliber team over the next three seasons
The funny part is that one is more realistic than two. Laugh all you want, but remember — when the Cubbies sweep the series, you’re gonna wish you could go back to the beginning of the season and put some money on them.
In today’s Morning Links, we linked to two stories about the return of Back To The Future to the pop culture landscape, four whole years before holographic sharks and the Chicago Cubs as a legitimate baseball team. The most exciting story involved Nike creating the power-lacing Marty McFly shoes from Back To The Future II as part of a fundraiser for the Michael J. Fox Foundation and Parksinson’s Disease research. I was hoping the campaign would go all the way, bringing back Pepsi Free and making Thomas F. Wilson drive into huge piles of manure, but we just got the next best thing.
In the latest video, Oklahoma City Thunder star Kevin Durant (clearly beefing up his comedic timing to prepare for Space Jam 2) heads to Hill Valley’s Lone Pine Mall to buy shoes from Saturday Night Live’s Bill Hader and ends up running into Doc Brown himself. The best part of the video is that it kinda works in continuity with BTTF2, and explains where Christopher Lloyd’s character would’ve gotten a pair of shoes to give Marty in the first place. Hopefully they’ll do a follow-up with Kobe Bryant that explains how Doc Brown learned to put Jennifer to sleep.
Anyway, the whole Nike/Back to the Future campaign is for a great cause, and there is literally nothing sadder in our world than Michael J. Fox trying to make it through video thank yous, so if you’re the type who makes enough money to buy futuristic space shoes, bid on a pair of these. Wear them with pride, and remember, they probably aren’t going to work on water unless you’ve got power.
America defending its nation was the only defense to appear in this game.
4th And A Long Shot: 10 Predictions For The NFL Season - Prediction 11: “The Cleveland Browns will win 11 games and make the playoffs because their schedule is weak, and I think one of their games is against a high school team”. Yeah, the Browns are going to be awesome. Woof woof! [Smoking Section]
The Hilarious Photoshops of True American Dog - Say what you will about the Tim and Eric nature of these images, but “Kooly the Bear” is hilarious, especially when he’s nervous about meeting his father. Like some sort of wonderful fever dream. [UPROXX]
The Dugout: John Mayberry Wants to F**k a Mermaid - If you missed yesterday’s Dugout, be sure to check it out. It features references to The Little Mermaid and Dungeons & Dragons and features a 100% medically accurate summary of how fish reproduce. [The Dugout]
‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ Mom Defends Dressing Daughter Like A Famous Prostitute - I thought this was going to be an article about Taylor Momsen. We need more posts at UPROXX about Taylor Momsen, the beautiful, probably-stinky wonder teen. [Warming Glow]
Kate Winslet Talks Nude Scenes. And Yes, That Is a Purple Monkey. - Kate Winslet is literally 75 years old and looks better than anybody else. Take note of how beauty can age gracefully, disgusting new face of 17-year old Ali Lohan. [FARK]
Doc Brown Shills Electronics in Argentina Now - I don’t think people understand viral videos. They have to, I don’t know, BE about something. You can’t just virally video Godzilla and have a hot dog stand somewhere in the background, then say you’re virally marketing a hot dog stand. [Gamma Squad]
Nike Releasing Product From “Back To The Future 2″ That Isn’t A Hoverboard - The Marty McFly shoes exist. Man, I wish I could go back to the beginning of the season and put some money on the Cubbies. [Gamma Squad]
Happy Birthday to Me: TNT Orders Pilot About Crime-Solving Dog - In the criminal justice system, spay and neuter-based offenses are considered especially heinous. [Warming Glow]
This Week in Posters: The Rum Diary, Baby Goose, and Robot Box - I can’t believe there’s a worse looking movie coming out than New Year’s Eve, but yep, I Don’t Know How She Does It. What is that title, seriously? [Film Drunk]
17 Photobooth Pictures Featuring Puppies - I hope the hipsters on my Facebook feed can do some more photobooth pictures today, that would be awesome. [Buzzfeed]
The Best and Worst Schools in Movies - I hope “that one from Stomp The Yard where they think you’re stupid if you don’t immediately know what their stupid team dancing means” is on here somewhere.. [Moviefone]
Nick Swardson’s 9 Funniest Moments - This should just be a blank page. We need to quickly go back to this guy not being a thing. [The Smoking Jacket]