Miami Dolphins running back Reggie Bush is not only coming off of the 1,000-rushing yard season that critics told him he’d never have in the NFL, but he’s also enjoying a nice 2012 campaign with 417 rushing yards through 5 games, which has him ranked 10th in the league and just 2 yards behind Ray Rice. To add to that fun, Bush has announced that he and his girlfriend, Lilit Avagyan, are having a child and he couldn’t be happier.

And then somewhere, in the deepest reaches of Hades, Kris Jenner slammed down her gauntlet of stem cells and screamed, “NOT ON MY WATCH!”

Though Kardashian and Bush ended their three-year relationship in 2010, and the reality star has gone on to marry, file for divorce and find another boyfriend, a source close to her alleges she’s upset over the pregnancy rumors, as Reggie was “the true love of her life” and secretly hoped they would one day be together.

The source claims that Kim feels it’s a “slap in the face” that Reggie would consider having a child with Avagyan, because he didn’t want to start a family with her, as he believed she was too caught up in fame and her reality series. (Via the HuffPo)

Also, I really enjoyed the USA Today’s “No sh*t, Sherlock” headline: “Reggie Bush is headed for parenthood but not with Kim Kardashian”. Man, that’s some fun obviousness. So why the hell should this even matter to Kardashian if she’s so happy with Kanye West? Let’s fire up the rumor machine.

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It’s become rather evident that the only reason that Terrell Owens is still desperately trying to find work as a receiver in the NFL is because he’s broke. And much to the surprise of nobody except probably Owens, the Seattle Seahawks kicked the tires on the 38-year old and found nothing but holes in his hands. That obviously sucks for Owens, because if he made the Seahawks roster, he would have made $1 million this season. Now? Not so much.

Even while Owens Tweets that he won’t lose faith and will keep trying, there are people who are truly upset about his failure. Four women, to be exact, and they are the mothers of his children. ACCORDING — to … TMZ, as Owens fights to have his child support reduced because of that whole not having money thing, one of those women simply does not care.

In the docs, Smith’s reasoning was largely based on the fact that T.O. had recently inked a deal with the Seattle Seahawks, for close to a $1,000,000 … and could afford to continue shelling out for his kid.

Now Smith’s attorney — Randall Kessler — tells TMZ … T.O.’s career snag won’t affect his client’s request to keep the dough coming — at least for now. Instead she has her “fingers crossed that another team picks him up.”

Paige can cross every finger and toe on her body while a leprechaun shoves bags of shamrocks up her butt, and she’d probably have a better chance of getting signed by an NFL team at this point than Owens would. Hold on, let me check something really quick…

Yes, Jeff Ireland still has a job. So I guess Paige still has a hope.

Get some.

Last night, the Orlando Magic advanced to 10-3 on the season, good enough for first place in the Eastern Conference Southeast Division, and you think people would be talking more about it but two things are stopping them:

1) Only one of their wins has come against a team with a record above .500 (Portland).
B) Dwight Howard wants out of Orlando ASAP so that’s the only thing worth talking about.

The latest rumor surrounding Howard and his request to be traded has him looking at the Los Angeles Clippers, but that rumor shrank like Miami Heat owner Micky Arison’s net worth in 2011 when it was debunked by Howard himself last night after the game.

“Right now, I’m with the Magic,” Howard said. “That’s the only thing that matters.”

In December, Howard told Magic officials that he wants a trade. At the time, Howard and his agent told the team that Howard would welcome a trade to the Mavericks, the Lakers or the Nets.

After Tuesday night’s win, Howard joked about what he views as saturation coverage of his future plans.

He quipped: “Sources say Dwight Howard is signing with the Harlem Globetrotters.”

(Via the Orlando Sentinel)

Haha, hilarious joke, guy who has hijacked his franchise and doesn’t think 44% from the line is a bad thing.

I get a big kick out of everyone talking about Howard’s intentions, desires and plans, because he’s the only person who actually knows and it seems like half the time he doesn’t even know what he wants. Magic fans are super pissed because the team is winning and he claims he wants to play for a team that is built to win, but even this 10-3 squad was spanked by Oklahoma City, Chicago and freaking Detroit, so it has failed to prove that it can win when it matters.

So I assume that Howard is more aware of this than anyone and that’s why he wants out. Or maybe it’s something more serious like him possibly seeing an increase in child support payments in the near future, as Magic guard Chris Duhon told some of my friends at an Orlando bar last weekend. Or maybe he’s just tired of my buried ledes.

We may never know.

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I use the term “girlfriend” loosely. Depending on the integrity of the source it was either “the mother of his children” or his “baby mama”, but at some point we have to assume they liked each other. Regardless, he punched her “multiple times in the head with his fist”, threatened to kill her and threatened to beat up all the kids watching. That earns him $2,500 in fines, 100 hours of community service and a 12-month domestic violence program. It also earns him six months in jail, of which he’ll serve about 90 days, of which he’ll probably serve twenty minutes sitting in a jail waiting room.

The sports world is great at putting things like this into proper context. From the Los Angeles Times:

Mayweather pleaded guilty to a reduced domestic-violence misdemeanor charge and no contest to two harassment misdemeanor charges in the Clark County (Nev.) courthouse.

The jail sentence complicates, and perhaps scraps, plans for a late-spring fight between Mayweather (42-0) and Filipino superstar Manny Pacquiao.

“You don’t need to be a genius to count the days,” said a person in Pacquiao’s camp, who was unauthorized to speak publicly.

USA Today is even worse, where the headline reads “Could Mayweather sentence actually help make Pacquiao bout?” Mayweather has a fight scheduled for May 5, but an opponent hasn’t been announced. More importantly, who gives a sh*t and can we please at least devote a paragraph or two per analytical blog that reads “this guy is a horrible person for doing this stuff”?

This is why I had trouble doing a Dugout when Manny Ramirez was arrested for domestic abuse … there’s nothing funny about a man beating a woman, and it pisses me off that the only option we’re offered is talking about how this is going to affect upcoming sports. F**k upcoming sports, stop beating your girlfriends.

Never in a million years would I have ever believed that I would make the following statement: Of the so-called Big 3 of the Miami Heat, the only guy I respect right now is Chris Bosh. Amazing, right? The guy who proclaims to be a superstar but really isn’t has been struggling through a legal issue with his ex-wife because Bosh wants his 2-year old daughter to be able to watch him play in the NBA Finals. And while the idea completely violates my long-standing belief that children not old enough to remember things have no business being at sporting events, I kind of get where he’s coming from.

You see, Bosh’s ex-wife is a fame-hungry succubus, who is currently shaming her ex-husband on the show Basketball Wives, which involves approximately one-half of an actual basketball wife. But that is still considerably better than, say, your girlfriend sleeping with Rashard Lewis, which we’ll get to later in another post. Bosh is a grown man and he makes a lot of money by being a pretty good basketball player. He does more charity work than 90% of the guys in the NBA, which is something I did not know while I’ve been ripping him for so long but whatevs, and he’s possibly the only guy on the Miami Heat who really gives a damn about winning an actual, honest-to-god NBA Championship, as opposed to bulking up those endorsement dollars.

Seriously, it blows me away that I’m giving Bosh so much credit right now, since I have previously said that he sucks and looks like an ostrich, but the dude’s all right in my book. For now.

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Back in December, when the Orlando Magic and Phoenix Suns completed a trade involving 6 players, Steve Nash Tweeted that he was sad to see Earl Clark go. That’s probably because Earl Clark never banged his wife. Jason Richardson, on the other hand… well that’s possibly a whole different story. The gossip blog circuit fired up yesterday after some rumors surfaced implicating Richardson as the cause for Nash’s sudden divorce, also in December.

Nash and his wife of 5 years, Alejandra Amarilla, were divorced just one day after she gave birth to their third child, and The Jersey Chaser is reporting without, you know, sources that Richardson is actually the father. For additional information, please see: Me, Myself & Irene.

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