Last we checked in on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model and former NFL spokesperson Marisa Miller, she was doing that thing that attractive female celebrities do when they’re pregnant, when they pose nude to show off their huge stomachs because being a creator of life is the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s also a great way to remind people in this era of short attention spans that you are still one of the most gorgeous women on the planet, in case all the dudes and bros had moved on to greener, younger pastures.

Well, forget Miller no more, friends, because she gave birth to her first child over the weekend, and she and her husband, whose name I will never look up because he has a faux hawk, named their son Gavin Lee Guess. Before you mock them, that is significantly better than the first idea, Edward Hardy True Religion.

Son Gavin Lee Guess was born in Santa Cruz, Calif. at 7:58 p.m., weighing in at 8 lbs., 10 oz. and measuring 22¼ inches long.

“I’m completely overjoyed by the birth of our son. I feel so blessed to be a mom and am so excited to experience this next part of life,” the model, 34, tells PEOPLE.

“Gaining weight is part of charting your progress,” the actress, who will next star opposite Ryan Reynolds in R.I.P.D., explained. “Yes, I was seeing numbers I had never seen before, but I let go of that because I had a new goal and focus.” (Via People)

Now this is where I would normally go off on a little rant about how Hollywood has this tired tendency of turning hot models into actresses because pervs like me will naturally and gladly shell out $12 to go see that film with the hopes that we might see some boobies. And I even mentioned this in my award-winning Worst Movies of 2012 feature on FilmDrunk last week, using Brooklyn Decker in Battleship as my example.

But I’m not going to do that here, because did you see Decker on The League last week? She was phenomenal! She played possibly the best c*nt in the history of TV on a show that is just overflowing with horrible people. Seriously, she should win an Emmy for the Best Bitch in a Cameo Performance, especially with how well she pulled off the upper decker line. Amazing television right there.

Anywho, after the jump, I have an exclusive first picture of Miller’s new baby boy.

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Justin Verlander’s Sports Illustrated covergirl and technically-sports-related girlfriend Kate Upton has been pretty light on the photoshoots since bikini season ended, but her latest from CR Fashion Book magazine (entitled “Hush Lil Baby, Don’t You Cry”) has hit the web, and it’s … pretty weird.

The easiest way to describe it is that it’s Kate Upton with baby animals. And babies. And guys in bear costumes. I think she’s supposed to be Mother Nature? It’s like somebody took her Peter Cottontail video and decided to make it SUPER SERIOUS. I don’t even know.

Anyway, you can check out the pictures after the jump. I’ve also included a video from the shoot at the end of the gallery (thanks to the Internet’s closest-working Kate Upton representative, Mr. Jimmy Traina of SI’s Hot Clicks), and if you were hoping it’d establish some kind of narrative … yeah, no.

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"It's a bro? Hey tiny dog bro, I'm having a son bro!"

It’s pretty amusing that celebrities think they can keep secrets, what with that whole Internet thing combined with nobody being able to shut up, but bless their hearts, Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler and his fiancée Kristin Cavallari didn’t want to announce the sex of their expected child. But Bears WR Earl Bennett sucks at keeping secrets, so he went ahead and told everyone that J-Cutty is having a boy.

Somewhere, Brian Urlacher shrugged and said, “Whatever, there’ll be plenty of other girls to date in 2029.”

“He’s having a boy,” Bennett, 25, said on the Boers & Bernstein sports radio show in Chicago Tuesday. “I am excited for Jay. It’s a great time.”

“I think every guy wants a guy to carry on the name,” the former reality star told Glamoholic in March. “But he doesn’t care. I just want to have a healthy baby.” (Via People)

I love that quote, just because I can see the doctor saying, “Jay and Kristin, I have the results of your sonogram. Would you like to know your baby’s sex?” and Cutler responding, “Whatevs.”

I have no clue when the baby is expected, because nobody knows when J-Cutty completed the most important pass of his life, but it’s nice to see that K-Cavs isn’t blowing up like Jessica Simpson, who just had her child (Maxwell Drew Johnson… that’s a girl, mind you) with former San Francisco 49ers and New Orleans Saints TE Eric Johnson. In fact, I have a picture from Simpson’s delivery…

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In news that Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry could appreciate, we’re apparently in the middle of International Cloth Diaper Awareness Week, which is a lead-in to Super Duper Hippie Time Earth Day on Sunday. But Saturday is the big day for the diaper dandies, as thousands of mothers and defeated fathers will gather in 302 cities across 16 countries for the Great Cloth Diaper Change. If you need me, I’ll be one town over for the Great Hold Your Nose and Don’t Vomit Party.

Last year, the Great Diaper Change set a Guinness World Record when 5,026 cloth diapers were changed at the exact same time. God, I hope one of those babies was wearing a “Who farted?” shirt. So why the big stink?

“Each year billions of disposable diapers enter landfills where it takes hundreds of years for them to decompose, if ever,” says Heather McNamara, Executive Director of the Real Diaper Association, a nonprofit that advocates for cloth diapers. “Building off the success of last year’s event with 127 locations in five countries, we plan to show the entire world that cloth diapers are a real option for today’s modern families, particularly catching the eye of expecting and new parents who may be seeking more planet-friendly and affordable alternatives to disposable diapers.” (Via Market Watch)

On one hand, we have our beloved environment to think about. On the other hand, a whole lotta baby poop. This is truly our generation’s greatest debate. It’s also just a reason for me to post a picture of a baby from last year’s diaper change because he’s wearing a Wu Tang t-shirt. I wasn’t aware that Danger Guerrero had a child.

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Back in January, With Leather’s favorite quarterbro Jay Cutler announced that he and his fiancée, Kristin Cavallari, were expecting their first child. We’re still a few months away from their blessed birth, and most Chicago Bears fans are probably more concerned with Cutler’s thumb injury and his steady recovery, but we’re talking about J-Cutty’s name legacy here. Let’s prioritize, people.

Despite still not being married yet – an already overwhelmed Tim Tebow shakes his head in disapproval – Cavallari told Glamoholic magazine (apparently that’s a real thing) in a recent interview that she’s ready to play receiver for her man’s protein passes at least three more time.

“We’re talking about the possibility of having another kid right away and then getting married so we can have 2 kids close in age.”

“We want 4 kids, so we’re thinking maybe have one more, then get married, then have two more but we’ll see, it all depends on how the first one goes.”

If I had to play Vegas oddsmaker right now, I’d put 2 kids at 15:1, 3 kids at 100:1 and 4 kids at 1,000:1 with those odds doubling each time Cavallari pops a new one out. Seriously, if these two already look like this when they’re getting off a plane from a vacation, imagine what they’ll look like with rugrats in tow.

But I support them, as J-Cutty and I are already solid bro dudes, and I’d like to offer them some advice, from one athlete-celebrity couple to another athlete-celebrity couple.

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Links

Christina Hendricks And Olivia Munn Had Their Cellphones Hacked - … and while the faceless nude shots are pretty obviously not them, it’s fun to dream. AND it’s fun to find out Olivia Munn photoshops her cellphone pics with hokey sex taunts. [ONTD]

7 Ways Peyton Manning Should Spend His Last Weekend In Indianapolis - Number 8: nailing the hottest woman in Indianapolis, who I’m gonna guess is that one hostess at the Applebee’s. [Smoking Section]

6 Dumb Things Movies Do to Make Their Special Effects Less Effective - I guess I’m an old film softie, because “things being pretty” and “the camera moving” have never bothered me. Rubbery-ass Spider-Man, on the other hand … [Gamma Squad]

AMC Accidentally Reveals Major ‘Walking Dead’ Spoiler On Their Website - “Nothing’s going to happen this week” credit: AMC.com [Warming Glow]

Friday Free For All: Weird Al stars in ‘Weird Owl’ - I can’t wait until his first movie, Hoo-HF. [Film Drunk]

The Very Best Of GIFBomb Lady - This is pretty inspired, especially “What David Robinson thinks I do”. Are you still looking at that Christina Hendricks pic? [UPROXX]

Pulp Fiction Finally Gets Medieval On Our A$$es, Shakespeare Style - Pulp Fiction meets Downton Abbey in Downton Fiction! Sorry, that doesn’t exist, but it might tomrorow! [UPROXX]

20 Pampered Dogs In Baby Carriages - First comes dog love, then comes dog marriage. Then comes … well, this. [Buzzfeed]

Simpsons Christmas Cards From The Future - I wish we could go back and progressively age the Simpsons characters season by season so they wouldn’t have to turn into the thing we have now. [HuffPost Comedy]

David Hasselhoff takes the “Germans love me”-thing a bit too far - If Norm MacDonald isn’t involved, he hasn’t taken it far enough. [FARK]

Yoga for Babies is the Creepiest Exercise Video We’ve Ever Seen - YOGA IS NOT FOR BABIES. Bikram Yoga might be, though. [The FW]