I don’t normally like to post pictures of children, not because it’s creepy, but because they’re not Kate Upton. But I decided to change that today since there were a bunch of kids at the Super Bowl’s NFL Experience yesterday and they were absolutely adorable. And yes, this is my strange way of admitting that I had a sheltered childhood as a shogun assassin, and I’m quite jealous that these kids get to dive into pits of foam squares while pretending to catch a game-winning pass. All I had was a stupid Pogo Ball and Miami Dolphins tickets.
But childhood inadequacies aside, I’m just an absolute sucker for the images of little kids standing behind the gigantic NFL player bodies. Also, in a macabre sort of way, I started wondering, “What could Aaron Rodgers do to get his head chopped off?” I’m not saying I want him dead, because as I’ve already stated multiple times I have a huge hetero man crush on him, but seeing that giant No. 12 jersey with no head just got me thinking that a girl would have to be pretty pissed at him to chop his head off.
Dammit, I think I just made another federal watch list.
The Best Of #Sterling Archer Kicks Off UPROXX Archer Week -Yuuuuuuuup. [UPROXX]
5 Elseworlds Comics That Should Be Made Into Video Games - Steampunk everything! Or, I want a game where I’m Ma and Pa Kent and I have to drive around avoiding nails. [Gamma Squad]
Quentin Tarantino’s Top 11 Films of 2011 - I’m not sure I want to live in a world where one of our best filmmakers thinks Hugo and Green Lantern are on the same level. I don’t want to hear Kurosawa nudge somebody and say “hey, I liked 12 Angry Men, but I also liked Plan 9“. [Film Drunk]
The Reasons Louis C.K. Will Never Host the Golden Globes Are Exactly Why He Should Host the Golden Globes - I’m not sure how Ricky Gervais settled into his weird role of guy Hollywood hates but approves of, and why The Average White Guy We All Agree On couldn’t just slide right into it. [Warming Glow]
Apple iPad 3 Reportedly Releasing March 2012 - Hello, Apple thing Destiny wants. Goodbye, 700 more dollars. [Smoking Section]
Ever Wondered What It Would Look Like If A Bunch Of Playboy Playmates Tebowed? - In case you missed this yesterday, Burnsy accomplished one of my career goals: getting Holly Madison’s entire side boob on With Leather’s main page. New career goal: get it in my house. [With Leather]
Stephen Colbert Runs First Presidential Campaign Ad, Accuses Mitt Romney Of Being A Serial Killer - It’s an easy joke, but he’s at least as qualified for this as the people actually running, and he’d do something wacky like legalize pot without doing something wacky like racism. [UPROXX]
25 People Who Think MLK Day Is Milk Day - At least they aren’t Virginia, trying to shoehorn in two Confederate guys so we celebrate “Lee Jackson King” day. A girl I went to high school with once asked me, “who’s Lee Jackson King?” True, sad story. [Buzzfeed]
13 Artists Have Extraordinarily Bad Luck - Schleprock had better be on here somewhere. [Popcrush]
The 20 Biggest Second Week Drops in Box Office History* - Low budget horror films are like cinematic dubstep. [Pajiba]
What Is This Awkwardly Smiling Guy Doing with Mila Kunis? - It must be awful to be Mila Kunis right now. Sure, you’re rich and popular and beautiful, but Jesus, every other moment of your life is somebody standing next to you, smiling like this. The horror. [Brobible]
Trolling Election Billboards - Mitt Romney’s slogan should be “FOR I AM MITT ROMNEY, YOU SEE!” It’d be better than whatever TOGETHER FOR AMERICA bullsh*t he’d come up with otherwise. [High Definite]
Yao Ming may have retired from the NBA earlier than most of us would have liked, but that’s not going to stop him from using his Hall of Fame notoriety for good. First, he donated a few bottles of his very own wine and some custom shoes and suits to an auction that benefited the Special Olympics East Asia. Now he and his wife, Ye Li, have loaned their star power to the grand opening of the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding in China’s Sichuan province.
The facility just launched the Panda Valley protection area, where rescued and rehabilitated giant pandas are being safely returned to their lives in the wild so they will hopefully start doing it and making more adorable panda babies, like the pair that Yao and Ye got to play with yesterday. Seriously, I can’t think of a better way to make a man feel better about his career ending early than by letting him play with baby pandas.
The description under the video reads “two babies performing Taekwondo with a mother laughing in the background”, and holy shit, if you thought you knew what “babies performing Taekwondo” looked like before, you’re in for a treat.
The “Mom” starts laughing before they even start, which makes me think she’s neither of the kids’ mother and just showed up as high as possible to watch kids shootfight. I think Blue is the more accomplished fighter, because he’s got a lethal spinning back kick. Red just kinda bobs up and down in place. It’s like watching a Kimbo Slice fight, only longer and more believably violent.
When Blue figures out he can increase his knockout power by standing a little closer, look out, he’ll be unstoppable.
At With Leather we aren’t afraid to bypass an actual sports news story in favor of videos of kittens being adorable at sports (usually all from Buzzfeed), and today is no exception — please ignore those 100 allegations of whatever and enjoy watching these baby cats fawn over a Japanese figure skater. You don’t really need more information than that, and should already be enjoying it.
This is where I’d share a story about my cat doing something similar, but the only time Jumbo notices the television is when I’m trying to switch up Batman and Catwoman in Arkham City. Maybe I should watch more figure skating. Or get more cats.
That’s one of the great things about Buzzfeed Sports. They aren’t breaking any insider college football stories or anything, but if you go there and find something like this it enraptures you for the rest of the day. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes analyzing the workrate (catrate?) and trying to decide my favorite moves … it’s either the right hand combo from Orange at :30 or the jumping ass bite from Black that follows at :34. I love that the cats apparently took out John Morrison and Edge (I think that’s Edge) before we joined the match in progress.
I’m going back and forth on whether “mouth breathing” is better or worse commentary than what we usually hear in wrestling. Oh, who cares. Cats playing! Squee!