There were a lot of heroes at last night’s NBA Draft in New Jersey, from the Boston Bros (BROSTON!) to the Knicks Bros to the ninja-like Heat Bros to this hilarious Brooklyn Nets kid and the awesome finger-wagging Knicks kid. We also got everything we expected, with New York Knicks fans booing everything, including their own draft pick, and David Stern going full WWE heel as the crowd booed him and the Heat mercilessly.
But if I had to pick a favorite thing about the draft, it’s probably the Knicks dude above, wearing an airbrushed tall T with a picture of Skip Bayless on it. He’s either the ultimate Bayless hater or the biggest ESPN fan on the planet. Either way, he proves that people who watch ESPN because they love sports or hate the network’s personalities are legitimately insane. I mean, who the hell makes an airbrushed Skip Bayless shirt?
*goes back to puffy-painting “I Love Samantha Steele” t-shirt*
Are you an NBA fan who hates watching his favorite player play basketball, but loves reading what he has to say about his day-to-day minutia and hashtag causes on the Internet? Then you’ll love the NBA Store‘s new ‘Has Handle’ t-shirts, the shirsey that replaces the ‘Lin’ on your back to ‘@JLIN7′. Oh, and they had a # to the immediately left of your team logo. To the left of the ‘Los’ if you’re buying the racist Spanish one.
NBA Store has six of these bad boys ready to go, and the only upside I can see to them is how much more awkward it makes me going into a team store to ask for an awful player’s merchandise and having to say his username outloud. “Uh, excuse me, you guys got any at-sign ianmahinmi shirseys?”
Take a look at the six they’ve got up now and try to figure out which one you’d like to order least. I agree with Andrew Sharp of SB Nation that an ‘@KingJames’ across your back would make you the absolute worst.
UPROXX 2012 Grammy Awards Open Thread - In case you need to know what everyone’s talking about this morning. Quick recap: Adele won everything, Whitney Houston died, Nicki Minaj blows. [UPROXX]
Whitney Houston Dies At 48 - And if you missed that part, recreate the media’s response to Whitney’s death by playing the first 30 seconds of “I Will Always Love You” on loop. [Smoking Section]
George Lucas says Greedo ALWAYS shot first, you were just confused - I don’t want to be too crude on this blog, but George Lucas can eat my entire asshole. [Film Drunk]
A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: February 10th - I’m not in this one, but you should check it out anyway. Big Barda ftmfw. [Gamma Squad]
Let’s Overanalyze These New ‘Game of Thrones’ Photos - Spoiler alert: all major characters die in the first episode of the new season, are replaced by those characters’ cousins. And Ashton Kutcher. [Warming Glow]
Nic Cage Broke His Legendary Time-Traveling Vampire Silence On Letterman - How did it get born? How did it get born HOW DID IT GET BORN? [UPROXX]
20 People Who Think Oprah Is Whitney Houston - Buzzfeed is making a killing off the 20 stupidest people to tweet every day. 20 people who think the moon is made of sandwiches! [Buzzfeed]
Newton Abbey: Newt Gingrich’s ‘Dream Team’ Photo Reminiscent Of ‘Downton Abbey’ - As if Newt could ever be that cool. [HuffPost Comedy]
Ahmed Best talks about a deleted Jar Jar Binks scene that really would have redeemed his character and made a huge difference in The Phantom Menace - Han and Greedo have guns pointed at each other, but instead of one shooting they both shoot Jar Jar. Is that what he’s talking about? [FARK]
Five Things About the Phantom Menace That Didn’t Suck - Lots of Star Wars links today, I guess. Thing 6: Jake Lloyd never acted again. [Unreality]
Norwegian News Mistakes Joke T-Shirt For Actual Eye Chart - Way to go, Norwegia. Some poor guy is walking around with a nickel, trying to buy a mustache ride. [The FW]
Usually when a school in the deep south wants to insult a rival, they print out a bunch of stickers of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes pissing on their logo or something and plaster them on the windows of their trucks, and an entire school of rednecks end up with a child urinating on their car forever and we move on with our lives. Unfortunately for the University of Alabama, some enterprising soul has decided to take the “lol look you got peed on” joshing to a weird, hate crimey place.
In preparation of their upcoming game against LSU on January 9, the University of Alabama is selling t-shirts promoting a hate crime. The plan is for thousands of Alabama Crimson Tide fans to flood Bourbon Street, home to some of the oldest gay watering holes in the country, dressed in t-shirts that read:
HEY HOMEAUXS – WE JUST BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU.
As if using violent assaults against LGBT victims as a pun to sell college football merchandise wasn’t bad enough, the printer’s French is also atrocious. Aux is already plural, and in no need of an S.
Thank goodness LSU’s mascot isn’t the “black” something, I guess.
The comments section of the mythical creature’s ass contains a conversation with someone claiming to be the creator of the shirt, rationalizing that he didn’t realize gay people would be offended by “hey faggot I’m going to murder you” and noting that the shirts are a response to some fans from a few years ago wearing “Alabama Fans Are Homeauxs” shirts to games. He’s very sorry. And while it’s pretty easy to believe a guy from Alabama could be super stupid instead of homophobic, it’s interesting to consider why a Louisiana team would think calling a Tuscaloosa team with a vaginal bleeding euphemism for a mascot “homos” with a Frenglish spelling is beyond me. I’m gonna stick with “he’s an inbred goon and thought this was hilarious”.