"F*ck this, I'm outta here."

When it comes to the Canadian National Anthem, I know approximately two words and they’re both in the title. Because of that, I don’t bill myself as the kind of person who is qualified to sing the “O Canada” before sporting events, although I could offer a righteous air guitar and/or beatbox performance sans lyrics if the right lingerie football league team requested it. I’ll leave that up to them, though.

Not knowing the lyrics to “O Canada” didn’t stop singer Jeff Fuller – the tenor, not the former NFL receiver – as he showed off his pipes before yesterday’s Spring Training game between the Houston Astros and Toronto Blue Jays in majestic Dunedin, Florida. Fuller knew several more words to the official jam of America’s hat, but not enough to actually finish the song. So instead of honoring Blue Jays fans, he did a fantastic Tracy Jordan/Frank Drebin impression.

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More like Victoria Don’t-singa, am I right? (via Diehard Sport)

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Aerosmith frontman and American Idol judge Steven Tyler performed his version of the national anthem before Sunday’s AFC Championship between the New England Patriots and Baltimore Ravens, and most of Monday’s Internet has been about how terrible it was. The L.A. Times has a post up called Steven Tyler’s national anthem: Worst ever? [Poll], comparing it to similarly-awful versions by Roseanne Barr, Carl Lewis, Christina Aguilera and, worst of all, Scott Stapp. What could Tyler have possibly done in this lifetime to be compared to Scott Stapp? That’s like being told you’ve got 24 hours to live.

To recap, Steven Tyler:

1. is 63-years old.
2. is dressed like a lady hobo.
3. has more or less sung exactly the same song since he decided he wanted his voice to sound like a descending hawk circa 1975′s Toys In The Attic and has topped the popular music charts with at least 100 #1 singles in said voice since said album.

So, to reiterate … what exactly were you expecting from a Steven Tyler national anthem, America? He’s Steven Tyler. He sings like that. He is an old lady hobo. Did you expect him to bust out a Josh Groban-ass Ave Maria? I’m surprised we got through it without him going WHACK-ACK-OW, WHACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-OWWW and a pelvic mic stand thrust.

Video of the performance is below. Compare and contrast it to any Aerosmith video on YouTube, especially the ones with teenage Alicia Silverstone and/or Liv Tyler in leather pants.

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Former “American Idol” contestant Lauren Alaina became the show’s latest singer to be shoe-horned into a NFL broadcast for the sake of synergy, as she sang the National Anthem before yesterday’s game between the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers. And as we have come to expect from today’s pop singers, she screwed it up.

Granted, Alaina didn’t complete botch it like some of the other derps we’ve seen in recent history, but she did pause and hesitate for a few seconds before finally remembering the words to the song that we all learned in elementary school. And much like today’s stars, Alaina took to Twitter to clear it all up.

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It’s a pretty standard feature, the collection of the worst national anthem performances of all-time, and most sports and pop culture blogs usually start running them out around Super Bowl time, unless there’s a surprise craptacular performance at an all-star game, NASCAR race, or drunken 4th of July party. But they’re just all so damned classic that we love re-living them every time.

That’s why I can’t believe that it took someone this long to finally put together a spectacular mash-up of the worst anthem performances in history. This new mash-up, brilliantly assembled by the fine folks at Popdust, has everything, like a Tosh.0 special episode – Roseanne, Carl Lewis, Christina Aguilera, the spectacular R. Kelly performance that is almost always excluded, and thank Francis Scott Key, they even included Fergie’s vocal disaster from last week’s Miami Dolphins game against the New England Patriots.

It is the perfect storm of patriotic suck and we salute it.

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If the Rapture happens tomorrow, humanity will mark its lowest point as Christina Aguilera’s performance of the national anthem at Super Bowl XLV. People like to talk about how she messed up the words, but usually fail to mention that both of her ear drums fell out and caused her to forget what music sounds like. The greatest victims were the players who had to stand there and be reverent while she growled and shouted her way to a nationally-divisive conclusion.

During an appearance on 540 ESPN Milwaukee with the D-List, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers shared his story of survivial.

During the pregame of Super Bowl XLV did you notice that Christina Aguilera messed up the U.S. National Anthem?

No doubt about it. No doubt about it. First of all the chick from ‘Glee’ killed the first song. She should have sang the anthem too. I knew because it was the Super Bowl … I don’t like standing in the front row because I don’t like being or having that camera right in front of my face. I know I’m on the bazillion foot jumbotron, so I’m going to stand behind some people who maybe aren’t the most TV recognizable names and see if I can blend in. So I kind of went and hid in the back. I don’t know who I was standing next to, but she [Christina Aguilera] starts singing it and in most of the stadiums they have the words up on the board, kind of up-and-above the singer, so she can tell that she screwed up.

She screwed up and I knew it and something was off. I’m looking around going does anyone else realize this? I don’t think they had because I don’t think the people were listening, but I knew something was off, so I kind of tapped … I think it was Diyral Briggs next to me and I said, ‘Hey did you hear that?’ He was like, ‘What?’ I’m like, ‘She just totally screwed it up’, so I look up at the board and see where she is at and I realized she just totally messed that up. I wonder … people have got to know she just screwed that up? I feel kind of bad for her, but at the same time, come on now.

And I was like, Aaron Rodgers just outed himself as a Gleek. I wonder if he turned to Diyral Briggs and asked him what he thought of that snippet of Puck and Artie’s version of “Bella Notte.” Wait, I don’t wonder that at all, sh**

[H/T Weed for Speed]