Wait for it … wait for it …

This clip of Yuri Danilochkin eating it on his way down the slope at Austria’s FIS World Cup championships is fun in that “watching people mildly hurt themselves” way, but it’s nothing spectacular. What’s spectacular is the ending, when the camera crew shares the reaction of Yuri’s trainer, aka Yuri’s mom. It’s the kind of reaction reserved for those times when a dead Japanese girl is crawling out of your television.

Deadspin was nice enough to share this clip (because I’m a little behind in my DVR with all these Austrian ski competitions going on), and they were also nice enough to share the response from Canadian skiier Manuel Paradis, who pretty much says it all:

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This is Red Bull Salzburg goalkeep Eddie Gustafsson, who is about to enjoy a flying cleat right into the side of his shin. And since we’re posting it, you have a pretty good idea of what’s about to happen next. Video’s after the jump, but watch dude flying in there all “hi-ya!” and whatever. What else could he be trying to do other than snap the guy’s leg in half? Austrians probably love this kind of then. They practically rolled out a red carpet for all those Nazi tanks back in the day. That was Austria, right?

Head coach Huub Stevens was absolutely stunned by his goalkeeper’s injury.

“After seeing something as horrible as this, I really don’t care about winning the league title at the moment,” said Stevens on the official Red Bull website. –Goal.

Gustafsson was airlifted to the hospital and is expected to be out for “several months.” No word yet on how the offender, Lukas Kragl, will be disciplined. I suggest dragging him through the streets by his toenails. That’s probably why I’m not running Austrian soccer. Among other reasons. nichts fur schwache nerven, indeed. Read the rest of this entry »

You’d think in that today’s age of “elightenment” that I keep hearing about that we, in the year 2010, would be above making cheap jokes about two guys from Austria in skin-tight suits stacked up on a sled. And you would be wrong.

This is Andreas Linger and Wolfgang Linger of Austria, the Linger brothers, getting ready for another slide down the chute. We have so many Olympians now that we’re just stacking them on top of each other. Supposedly in doubles luge, the bigger guy goes on top, just like in prison. And then…I don’t know, the bottom guy washes the suits?

But to be fair, this is probably like chopping wood compared to whatever it is they do in Austria. It’s just like a big rave over there. I understand that after they check your passport they hand you glowsticks and mesh dungarees. Austria finished first and second, by the way, with the Lingers taking the gold. Fabulous.

Austrian soccer fans who want to be known for their obsessive behavior even after their demise now have a way to do so:

Vienna's leading funeral company, steeped in tradition, is moving with the times: the bereaved can have their loved one back in a cremation urn in the shape of a football. The black and white urn joins more conservative containers in sombre and art-deco designs in the range offered by Bestattung Wien just as Austria prepares to co-host the Euro 2008 soccer championship . . . No one has yet ordered the 362 euro (281.57 pounds) urn, which has been available for two weeks.

362 euro is about $560. Don't they have any Ralph's in Vienna? -KD