As an extremely, extremely low-level celebrity in the Austin, Texas, area, I’ve gotten to participate in a lot of cool things. I’m co-hosting a veggie hot dog eating contest at this year’s Fun Fun Fun Fest, I’ve participated in a Megaphone Show at the best comedy theater in town and during Fantastic Fest (not to be confused with Fun Fun Fun Fest … we have a lot of fests) I was asked to be a judge at an Air Sex Championships show.

Of course, that was just an exhibition for the festival. The formal competition round for the next cycle of Air Sex Champions returned to Austin on Wednesday night at The Highball, and because I guess I did an okay job telling people they were good or bad at f**king invisible objects the first time, I was asked back as a judge. If you remember our exclusive coverage of the last time they were in town you’ll recognize a few returning competitors, but most importantly you’ll recognize me, sitting there at the table in the background secretly reverting back into 6-year old Super Christian Brandon and asking God to forgive me.

Big thanks to Lex Lybrand of Greenless Studios for these glorious action shots of the event. If you haven’t been to a live Air Sex show and it comes to your area (and it will … it tours nationwide), check it out. If not, I’ll bring a camera on stage with me next time and show you some horrible angles you’re missing from the crowd.

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As if it isn’t already hard enough being a college student, trying desperately to fit in among tens of thousands of peers while coping with the pressures of studying, self-esteem and just general survival away from our parents, it doesn’t help when Michael Fassbender shows up strutting his big ol’ dong around campus. But that’s apparently what happened on Saturday, as the gentleman we lovingly refer to as Michael F. Assbender at FilmDrunk and, much more importantly, Natalie Portman showed up at Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium to film part of their “Untitled Terrence Malick Project”.

So what’s this sucker about that it was so worth causing a stir during the incredible 56-50 slugfest victory that the Texas Longhorns pulled out over the Baylor Bears?

Two intersecting love triangles. Obsession and betrayal set against the music scene in Austin, Texas.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *snores, farts, wakes up* Sounds awesome. But if you are a male Texas student who was threatened by Fassbender’s presence the gravitational pull of his Longhorn, just know that it could have been much worse. Ryan Gosling’s in this film, too. And I don’t think that UT has a flood evacuation plan.

Video and some fan shots after the jump. Oh, and maybe practice a little harder on defense this week, Baylor. Yeesh.

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Here’s a teaser video of me judging the Air Sex competition at Fantastic Fest in Austin over the weekend. Yeah, I looked that awkward and squeamish pretty much the entire time. What you don’t see: me almost getting pegged in the head with a chunk of thrown marshmallow that’d been in a lady’s mouth. If there’s an Air Sex Championship anywhere near you, go see it, whether I’m there or not. Preferably when I’m not there.

Shout out to my dear friend Megan Simon for sitting next to me at the judges table and making me look like absolute garbage. She should have a billion Twitter followers.

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Links

For The Love Of God, Please Be Good – Prince Amukamara Live Q&A Today @ 11 EST |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

The 10 Best Apple Maps Image Parodies So Far |UPROXX|

The Cast Of ‘Game Of Thrones’ Cleans Up Well For the Emmys |Warming Glow|

Adult Film Scripts > Regular Film Scripts |Film Drunk|

The With Leather Hot Twitter List Buzz Words Top 25: People We’d Go To Burning Man With |With Leather|

So You Need To Go See ‘Dredd’ ASAP |Gamma Squad|

Roy Jones & Kimbo Slice May Fight. Sounds Like A Bad Idea. |Smoking Section|

Did Blowing Into Nintendo Cartridges Actually Help? |Mental Floss|

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I know that sounds weird, but this is sports related and not a weird thing I’m into, I swear.

I live in Austin, Texas, where 60% of the population thinks sprouts taste good (they do) and 100% are working on a screenplay. My friends at Greenless Studios (the people who made the With Spandex podcast possible) are getting ready to shoot Summer League, an awesome softball versus kickball movie, here in town. They’ve set up an IndieGogo to raise money for incidentals, because that’s what happens these days.

I’m well aware that you do not come to a comedy sports blog to give money to people, and I would not dream of making a habit of requesting it from you, but I’m doing it here for two reasons:

1. This is my feature film debut (I’m playing a pub trivia master, because I’m a colossal nerd) and I want to be able to eat some tofu cutlets and shit while I’m filming, and

2. If they raise enough money they can afford to rent that duck costume and include a ridiculous mascot scene, giving me a second role in the film and turning me into Austin’s elite Internet version of Peter Sellers.

If you want to help out a good cause, consider stopping by and IndieGogo’ing yourself a DVD. I’d offer to autograph it for you too, but I am literally nobody. The thing ends in a couple of days, so if I can say I pitched in to make the thing a success, I’d feel awfully good about it.

Besides, it’s cute girls playing baseball while I stand around in the background. That’s a movie you want to see. Help us out.

What you’re looking at (courtesy of Jason Kirk at SBN by way of TexasAgs.com) may be one of the greater moments of trolling in college football history. Texas A&M is the only non-Big 12 major program in Texas, so they want everyone to know that Texas is now SEC COUNTRY … including Austin Texas, home of the University of Texas Longhorns. That billboard sits on the north side of I-35, just before you get to Tinseltown (which non-Texas bloggers hilariously think is a city, and not a crappy movie theater).

Now, I’m far from a native Texan and my love of local college football comes almost exclusively from ‘King Of The Hill’, but this monstrosity is and will continue to be upsetting to a pretty sizeable chunk of my Facebook wall and therefore must be stopped.

A couple of quick realities for anyone seriously upset by this:

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Here we see the latest in Austin, Texas’ quest to lose all of its cool points — shifty rape jokes on its local bar marquees. This pic comes to us via the Twitter of area improv comic/copywriter/friend of mine Reagan Ward, and I’m proud to say she told people about it immediately instead of waiting for someone to find out. Cough.

The Ranch is advertised as the “best bar in Austin, Texas for nightlife, bottle service and a general good time”, and I’m pretty sure their idea of “a general good time” and mine conflict. To their credit, heavy drinking is really the only way to process the Jerry Sandusky thing. To their discredit, they are offering a drink special with a child molestation theme. Why not just advertise it as “Anal Grape” and go the full nine?

The next time you’re in Austin, drink anywhere but The Ranch.