One of the more under-appreciated leagues in the world of sport is Australia’s AFL. Aussie Rules Football is that sport where the players square off on a rugby pitch wearing basketball shirts and running shorts and dribble and kick an inflated spheroid downfield and through a series of goalposts. It’s like they stole something from every other sport and just decided to beat each other down in the process. The only way it could be more awesome was if the ball was Justin Bieber’s head.

Anyway, that league had their championship on Saturday between Collingwood and St Kilda. The “grand final” of footy went through regulation play to a 68-68 tie. So did they have a shootout? Sudden death? Three-hole playoff [Please go back to your seat, Mrs. Mancini...]? Nope, they’re going to play the whole thing over again. Seriously.

Naturally, some people are taking umbrage with the fact that a sellout crowd went to watch a game that, in retrospect, will mean absolutely nothing.

The argument that the replay now opens up grand final access to fans that otherwise wouldn’t have made it ignorantly forget those who went last Saturday (and may miss this Saturday ‘cause the 50-1 draw came to fruition) and the fact that those “underprivileged” fans miss out on the original grand final year after year.

Having gone through the hassle and effort to acquire grand final tickets a few years ago, I can only imagine the frustration of not seeing a result on the day and trudging back to South Australia knowing I would have to fork out another small fortune on hotels, flights and tickets to go back and see the concluding act. –Adrian Musolino/The Roar [AU].

Oh, and then there was this poor bastard who was in a port-a-john when some fans tipped it over. The report said that he “was also left with waste from the toilet covering his clothes.” I thought penalty boxes were just for hockey and sex slaves. I really need to get out more.

The featured gentleman in this post is Hawthorn’s Jordan Lewis, of Aussie rules football fame. Lewis decides to chase down a ball in the vicinity of Bulldogs player Jarrod Harbrow and gets totally leveled for his trouble. You can tell by the way the arms jut out from his body. It’s as if he’s trying to doggie-paddle toward that white light.

Enjoy the hit after the jump, and then celebrate the carnage with a 25-ounce can of beer that tastes like watered down motor oil. Or don’t. Hey, I’m not your mother. You can do whatever you want. Read the rest of this entry »

Two Aussie Rules football players were fined for their parts in creating and distributing a video depicting a rubber chicken having sex with a dead chicken. If these two chickens had actually consummated, I’m certain it would have ripped a wormhole in the space-time continuum. Anyway, this came from Yahoo! News:

North Melbourne’s Adam Simpson and Daniel Pratt were each fined by their club after admitting they were among eight players who made the video last year.
The video, which was posted on the internet this week but subsequently removed, has been described as tasteless and offensive to women and drew strong criticism from the sport’s governing body the AFL.

And according to Aussie 9 News, the rubber chicken was wearing a condom, which kinda takes the fun out of it for me. Sure, the rubber chicken will probably last longer with it, but the sensitivity is what makes it fun. And yes, I looked for the video, and while I couldn’t find it, I’d like to think I found the next best thing. Read the rest of this entry »

Apparently one of the special Aussie rules in Aussie rules football is that you don’t tell teammates that their house burned down until after the team has suffered a loss. At least that’s what happened to Cobden ruckman (Incidentally, Cobden Ruckman is the name of the main character in the next Colin Firth movie) Simon Morris. Nothing cushions a blow like another blow.

Many of his teammates were aware of the bad news when they stepped onto the oval, but they decided there was little point in telling Mr Morris until after the game.

Mr Morris lost everything in the blaze, including a 1997 Hampden Football Netball League premiership medal and jumper and a treasure trove of sporting memorabilia including a signed Geelong Football Club premiership jumper.

He said he was glad the club did not to tell him before the clash, as there was nothing he could have done anyway.  And he said he would have liked a spa after the game, “but it had melted too”.

CFA officer Nick Brown said the blaze had engulfed the home by the time crews arrived and said the fire may have been started by a computer in the bedroom.

That’s where you went wrong, my man. You don’t leave the computer in the bedroom where it can easily spread to flammable objects like bed sheets and your collection of restraints. No, it’s got to be in an office, where it has a slim chance of spreading to your personal spa, you little nancy.