I may or may not have a Google news alert set for “Paulina Gretzky wearing tank tops in public”, but it worked in my favor today because Wayne Gretzky’s pride and joy is currently running around Augusta National supporting her boyfriend Dustin Johnson. I have no clue where he currently stands, but if I were him I’d never be standing again.

Hit it.

Anywho, that was my strange, unrelated way of talking about the new Tumblr account that will be almost as hot as Paulina this weekend, “Waldo at the Masters”, which is photoshopped pictures of America’s favorite Hide N Seek champ hanging out in the gallery at Augusta National. There’s not much else to it, and there doesn’t have to be. I love Waldo and I love the Masters tournament, so unless someone finds a way to incorporate Taco Bell’s Volcano Tacos, I’m pretty confident that this is going to be my favorite thing of this weekend.

Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, so maybe this is a case of Phil Mickelson being a butthole to somebody who was just trying to be friendly, but it could also be a revolutionary step toward removing assy form-questions from the sports guy/journalist equation. Sort of like Bill Engvall’s ‘Here’s Your Sign’ jokes, but more direct, and with less horrible Bill Engvall.

The conversation moves to “dumb questions,” and while Phil ribs Sands a little (the two have a past), he explains that it isn’t the dumbest question he’s been asked. That honor goes to a gentleman that works for MasterCard, who asked Phil a question that most would consider rhetorical. (via Devil Ball Golf)

“You lookin’ forward to Augusta?”

(laugh track goes here)

“Nope! Dreadin’ it! I’m thinkin’ ’bout tradin’ in m’golf clubs for a set a BOWLIN’ BALLS. Just roooll ‘em onto the green. Heeeere’s your sign.”

That’s close enough, right? Jesus, I feel so dirty.

Martha Burk is going to have to find something else to fill her time with, as the wrinkled old bros at the Augusta National Golf Club have finally broken down and admitted two female members. In what is being heralded as one of the biggest moments in the history of women being allowed to play golf at a place that formerly didn’t allow women to play golf at – Pulitzer, please – Augusta’s chairman Billy Payne announced in a statement that Condoleezza Rice and Darla Moore would be getting lockers next to White Richington, III and the Monopoly dude.

“This is a joyous occasion as we enthusiastically welcome Secretary Condoleezza Rice and Darla Moore as members of Augusta National Golf Club,” Payne said in a statement. “We are fortunate to consider many qualified candidates for membership at Augusta National. Consideration with regard to any candidate is deliberate, held in strict confidence and always takes place over an extended period of time. The process for Condoleezza and Darla was no different.

“These accomplished women share our passion for the game of golf and both are well known and respected by our membership. It will be a proud moment when we present Condoleezza and Darla their Green Jackets when the Club opens this fall.

“This is a significant and positive time in our Club’s history and, on behalf of our membership, I wanted to take this opportunity to welcome them and all of our new members into the Augusta National family.” (Via USA Today)

I can’t wait until Rice and Moore show up to play their first round of golf and some old dude walks up to them and asks for a club sandwich and some cold beers as a joke to make all of the other 1-percenters laugh. Mainly because two days later, Rice will have that guy’s testicles wired to a plane engine in the deepest hole in Gitmo, as some Jason Bourne type drips battery acid on his forehead every morning before plying his toe nails away one at a time.

So congrats, women!

Read the rest of this entry »