In a story TMZ.com is calling an exclusive because someone paid them to write about it, Anna Benson, wife of former New York Mets Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson, shocked and upset producers of ‘Baseball Wives’, a reality show debuting tonight, when she threatened Chuck Knoblauch’s wife with a stun gun and a 12-inch dildo she’d produced from her purse. I find three things wrong with this news blurb:

1. There is no way somebody married Chuck Knoblauch.

2. Who tries to threaten somebody with a dildo, and furthermore, what kind of porno-ready Magic Murder Bag is Anna Benson carrying around where she can comfortably transport and whip out a 12-inch dong? My girlfriend barely has enough room in her purse for my keys.

3. Shouldn’t your husband have to be playing baseball to make you a “baseball wife”? I think I’ve started more Major League games in the last five years than Kris Benson.

Anyway, if “reality show person shocks reality show people with reality show behavior” wasn’t enough to clue you in, TMZ’s finishing line of

Sources tell us … show execs are trying to contain Anna.

should be enough to tip you off to the bullsh*t. I don’t know what’s funnier, the idea of Baseball Wives producers trying to wrangle a terrible baseball player’s gold-digging stripper wife in a circus cage to maintain the integrity of their Celebreality fame-whore Thunderdome or TMZ’s use of ellipses making it read like they’re on the end of a 1950s newswire with bated breath, breaking the sentence up into fragments to get us the news as fast as possible. BREAKING NEWS, STOP. BASEBALL WIVES DRAMA, STOP. CHUCK KNOBLAUCH’S MOTHER-WIFE STRUCK BY PHALLUS, STOP.

You can check out ‘Baseball Wives’ tonight on VH1, or even better, you can’t.

LeBron James recently told ESPN that the NBA could benefit from teams having more superstars, a la his partnership with Dwyane Wade and that other guy on the Miami Heat. James used Minnesota’s Kevin Love and New Jersey’s Devin Harris and Brook Lopez as examples of players that he believes would be more exciting on better teams. And that’s fine, because the whole world agrees that their teams suck. But James is upset now that people think he’s pro-contraction, when he never even used the word. Hell, he doesn’t even know what it means…

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As the Boston Celtics continue to steamroll their competition with 13-consecutive wins and the second best record in the NBA at 22-4, Shaquille O’Neal is still working on his campaign to be the most beloved figure in Boston sports. His latest PR exploits involved him taking charge of the Boston Pops Orchestra and the Tanglewood Festival Chorus for a few songs at the Holiday Pops Concert last night at Boston’s Symphony Hall. The Big Leonard Bernstein led the way for Michael Jackson’s “Can You Feel It”, “We Are the Champions” and “Sleigh Ride”.

Shaq wore the standard uniform of classical conductors – a black tuxedo with tails – while some of the performers wore Celtics gear to honor Boston’s center, who is averaging just over 11 points per game this season. According to Boston.com, Shaq said that conducting the Pops was a task more difficult than his Shaq Vs. dance-off with Justin Bieber. Of course, watching Shaq Vs. is the most difficult task of them all. *bowtie spins, plays skin flute solo*

Video of Shaq conducting “Sleigh Ride” after the jump…

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Our favorite Cowboys coach of all time boner pill spokesman, Jimmy Johnson, will take his talents to CBS for the newest season of Survivor. Despite being 67 and unable to get an erection, I still feel that he’s qualified. I’d rather be stranded on a deserted island than in the same room as Terry Bradshaw for hours on end.

Mark Francesutti and Barry Horn of the Dallas Morning News reported early Tuesday morning that Johnson joined the cast of Survivor, which started taping at the end of June. Taping only lasts 39 days, so Johnson will be back well before the FOX studio show starts.

The idea seems bizarre, but Johnson previously mentioned in an interview he almost joined the cast a few years back, but he failed a physical. (Maybe those pills he’s taking really do help!) –PFT

Is Jimmy Johnson going senile? Why would he do this? I can’t imagine he needs the money, he’s getting checks from Fox and Extenze. Maybe Fox isn’t paying him enough. He deserves a raise for humiliating himself every week. Made-up reports indicate that the Extenze marketing department is talking to Keith Olbermann, only to ensure that their advertising is fair and balanced. I’ll bet that the ladies on the The View have something to say about Jimmy’s decision making. Their take after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

–via Zimbio

Popular hermaphrodite pop singer Lady Gaga took a break from making my ears bleed to go see the Yankees play on Friday. It didn’t take long for her to make her penis presence felt in the Yankees clubhouse, but the Yankees have decided not to ban her from Yankee Stadium. I have no idea why.

As for the Bronx? While diamond-studded bikini night won’t appear on the promotional schedule anytime soon, Lady Gaga has not been prohibited in the Bomber clubhouse, despite a report Sunday saying she had been banned following her controversial visit after Friday’s 4-0 loss to the Mets.”She’s not banned,” GM Brian Cashman told the Daily News Sunday.

Though clubhouse insiders said Lady Gaga “enjoyed the refreshments” or described her as “lit,” Robinson Cano said “she was nice.” Her attire for the backstage visit reportedly included fishnet stockings, a thong and a loose-fitting Yankees jersey.

The Yankees said they didn’t take issue with anything Lady Gaga did, but Cashman said the decision to let that happen after a loss was terrible.–NYDailyNews

Now, I’m no fashionista, and I certainly don’t find Lady Gaga attractive, but I have to admit I’m a fan of women wearing only fishnets, thongs, and loose fitting jerseys to baseball games. They, along with cheap booze, can make anything watchable. The Yankees, however, should take any opportunity to ban Lady Gaga from their clubhouse. They need to keep Alex Rodriguez as far away from slutty, attention seeking monsters “musicians” as possible. Read the rest of this entry »