Atlanta-Miami game that was protested because the Hawks' scorer erroneously attributed an extra foul to O'Neal that resulted in him fouling out, what will the NBA do about the final minute that is scheduled to be replayed on March 8th?

Oh God, it's the long-lost script for Shaq to the Future!  Will Shaq play for Miami for one game?  Will Marcus Banks and Shawn Marion be allowed to play instead?  Should they play with five fouls?  AHHH NOBODY KNOWS!!!  Al, find out what Ziggy needs Shaq to do!  The NBA is breaking free from the laws of Newtonian physics!  God save us all!

[TrueHoop] 

Thanks to handsome tipster Jeff's perusal of SI's analysis of the NBA draft, I now know that Atlanta Hawks GM Billy Knight wants some guys with wide thighs and ample rear ends:

Knight points out that [Zaza] Pachulia and Shelden Williams are the only Hawks who are wide in the thighs. "They are the only two guys we have who aren't what we call narrow butts,'' Knight said. "The other guys are thin guys, slender builds, so you need some physicality on your team.'' So he's looking for one more wide butt? "It depends on the butt,'' Knight said. In which case [Florida's Al] Horford may well be their pick.

Just when you thought the objectification of men by other men was over after the gay journo-porn about Brady Quinn and Ken Shamrock, we now have some lusty general manager porn.  And frankly, I'm offended.  Is it because of the harsh opinions based upon physical attributes?  Perhaps, but I'm probably more upset that I'm not Mr. Knight's type.  Every man likes to feel attractive.  At least the ladies like the slim, malnourished ass look, right?     

I do want to applaud Billy for providing a useful phrase I think all segments of the country should employ: "Would you like fries with that?" It depends on the butt.  "Should I diversify my portfolio?" It depends on the butt.  "Will we bomb Iran if they continue their nuclear programs, Mr. President?"  It depends on the butt.  -KD

Personally, I enjoy lovely Melissa's-NSFW derrière. 

This arrived in my awareness courtesy the finest name in the blogosphere, J.E. Skeets of The Basketball Jones.  It's Harry the Hawk and Thunder (of Golden State Warrior "fame") participating in a dance-off.  Naturally.  Thunder definitely does a better job, but c'mon, he doesn't have a gigantic bird-head and a big-ass fake tail in his way.  Besides, Harry's ringer seems to put Thunder in his place.

I'm not quite sure what score they were trying to settle here.  Which team is more historically impotent?  Who will get the better lottery pick next year?  Which franchise has fewer players the average fan can name?  In that case, I rule this dance-off a draw.

Editor's Note: I finally subscribed to The Basketball Jones daily podcast.  I recommend everyone else do the same.  It's like if sports talk radio wasn't idiotic, and had swearing.  Pretty awesome.  Like a flying shark.  Except less terrifying, and real.