There is no way he can still jump that high. (via Footbasket)

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Links

The 8 TV Actresses Stephen Colbert Managed to Top in the Maxim Hot 100 |Warming Glow|

30 Actors Playing With Themselves (Action Figures Of Themselves, We Mean) |Gamma Squad|

Six Seasons And We Love You Dan Harmon: The Internet Reacts To Dan Harmon’s Firing |UPROXX|

Stephen A. Smith Just Realized What’s So Hilarious About Stephen A. Smith |With Leather|

A Hook Prequel Centered on Rufio Supposedly in Development |Film Drunk|

For Pete’s Sake: 7 More Songs That Used The Same Samples As Pete Rock |Smoking Section|

8-Bit Renditions Of Radiohead’s Two Best Albums Are Not A Let Down |UPROXX|

Nick Offerman Dyes His Hair, Introduces Fresh New ‘Blonde Swanson’ Look |UPROXX|

Kobe Bryant, The Lakers And The $58M Question: What’s Next? |Smoking Section|

Meryl Streep doesn’t watch “comic-strip movies” (bonus: awesome photoshop) |Film Drunk|

Fake Or Not, Pepsi’s Kyrie Irving Video Has Introduced A New Superstar |With Leather|

Original Star Trek Cast Meets Current Cast |Gamma Squad|

This 10 Year Old Really Hates the Kardashians |Warming Glow|

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The depressed “come on, man” really makes it. (via otb)

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Links

TV GIFs of the Week |Warming Glow|

‘What The F*** Is Michael Jordan Wearing?’ Calls The Fashion Police On His Airness |With Leather|

Important Falling Bear News: Falling Bear Has Been Hit By A Car, Is Dead |UPROXX|

Did you know they made a rom-com about Kate Hudson getting ass cancer? |Film Drunk|

Obits: Beastie Boys’ Adam “MCA” Yauch Dead At 47 |Smoking Section|

May The Fourth Be With You (Picture Gallery) |Gamma Squad|

Lena Dunham Gets Support From Louis C.K., Tells Colbert That She Has ‘Never Done The Sex’ |UPROXX|

Megan Fox Is The New ‘Face’ Of The Sharper Image |UPROXX|

New Spider-Man Trailer: Spider-Man as an A-holey New Yorker |Film Drunk|

UFC On Fox 3: Diaz Vs. Miller Live-Blog And Open Discussion Thread |With Leather|

Kanye West – “Lost In The World” Video |Smoking Section|

The Avengers Assemble At Gallery 1988 |Gamma Squad|

Corgi Friday: Zooey Deschanel Is Confused |Warming Glow|

37 Saddest Failed Kickstarters |Buzzfeed|

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s Star Wars |College Humor|

Who Wore It Better: ‘The Avengers’ Edition |HuffPost Comedy|

Preview the New Album From Killer Mike |Adult Swim|

What if the Game of Thrones characters had Dungeons & Dragons alignments? |Fark|

The 10 Most Anticipated Anti-Blockbuster Movies of the Summer Blockbuster Season |Pajiba|

Brooklyn To Ban The Hooters Restaurant Chain |Guy Speed|

25 Ways Jason Stathan Can Kill You |Unreality|

There’s a Horror Movie Based on a Guy Finding a Box of Smut |Brobible|

By way of Awful Announcing comes this charming clip the first quarter of Thursday’s Miami Heat vs Atlanta Hawks game wherein Kevin Harlan, Reggie Miller and Sir Charles Five Buck Box It Rocks It Rocks Barkley discussing Weight Watchers, Dwight Howard and how sad the Hawks are while accidentally mic’d and on-air.

I think we can all agree that sports play-by-play would be at least 100 times better if announcers could say what needs to be said, such as:

Barkley: “Man I can’t stand to watch this Atlanta Hawks team play.”

Harlan: “This game is terrible.”

Barkley: “It is.”

Harlan: “Look at this game, 31 percent, God almighty.”

…and could start low-fat beef with Sara Rue over the ethical implications of getting paid thousands of dollars to lose two pounds a week:

“I thought this was the greatest scam going, getting paid to watch sports… this Weight Watchers thing is a bigger scam.”

That’s a fun sentence to take out of context. Barkley is being affable and saying, “hey, this is so easy I’m getting paid to do basically nothing”, but it can just as easily be blockquoted to mean “these jerks at Weight Watchers are stealing your money, just have some self control, your digestive system is not FourSquare why do you need points”. Yeah, I can only make this so controversial, but the clip is fun, and if announcing was more like this I’d listen to everything they had to say and not just tune out until the NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE-type stuff started.

I think the true highlight of the clip is Barkley’s “I DON’T GIVE A F**K WHAT DWIGHT HOWARD WANTS” face in response to Reggie.

(p.s. Sorry Sara Rue, I’m glad your jeans fit now but you looked better before.)

At some point today, the Atlanta Sprit Group will announce that they have sold the majority ownership stake of the Atlanta Hawks to Alex Meruelo, a Los Angeles business executive and founder of the Meruelo Group. Of course, any time a NBA team is sold, it goes through the Board of Governors first, and this deal could take four or five months, which would obviously interfere with the NBA season and distract the Hawks players.

*rim shot, fart noise, yawn*

But the big news about this deal isn’t that Meruelo is buying a team that probably won’t play for another 14 or 15 months, as much as it’s about the man himself. Meruelo is Cuban, making him the first Hispanic majority owner in league history. And he’s ready to win now. Or as soon as it’s convenient for David Stern and Derek Fisher to meet.

Meruelo (pronounced mur-rell-o) said some members of the Spirit group will maintain minority ownership positions but that he will own more than 50 percent and control ownership decisions. He would not be more specific about the size of his stake and would not divulge the price he has agreed to pay for it.

But he said, “I will be in complete control of the team.” (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

So he’s like Mark Cuban if Mark Cuban were an actual Cuban. Meanwhile, the Meruelo Group, in case you’re interested and I assume you are, owns and operates a Los Angeles TV station, a casino in Las Vegas and some restaurants, including La Pizza Loco, which means Crazy Pizza. Thanks, 8 years of Florida public school Spanish education!

"I hear Orlando has a lot of homeless people..."

As always, I’ll only catch us up on Sunday’s action, since nobody needs to know that the Memphis Grizzlies are still the hottest non-Miami team in the NBA Playoffs, and we certainly don’t need to point out that Chris Bosh was more like Chris BOOSH against the Boston Celtics in Game 3. And Rondo’s elbow… hoo boy, did you see that? Like Willis McGahee’s knee in slow motion all over again.

Dallas Mavericks 122, LA Lakers 86 (Series: 4-0 DAL)

Kobe Bryant told reporters after the Lakers’ Game 3 loss to the Mavs that he wasn’t worried and his team would come back and win the series. Of course the pundits went on a parade of hypothetical questions and what ifs, as we all knew that it wouldn’t happen unless David Stern delivered the Fountain of Youth, which I never ruled out because he’s evil and could send his legions of dark spirits to retrieve it. And thus, the two-time defending NBA Champions were eliminated in humiliating fashion, with Pau Gasol out Hedo Turkoglu-ing Hedo Turkoglu and Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odom having late-game hissy fits to embarrass Phil Jackson even more in what is probably his Lakers swan song.

So we’re left with the question – what happens now for the Lake show? Of course the fellas on TNT and pretty much everyone else with an IQ below 12 think that Dwight Howard is already packed for LA, and I would spend a few thousand words simply arguing the Lakers as his next team, but Otis Smith is the Magic GM so I would never act shocked if I read, “… for Andrew Bynum, Lamar Odom, and the Lakers’ next 10 late first round draft picks.” As for Phil, that New York Knicks team sure looks intriguing in another year…

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"I should probably start dating a Laker. The team needs me."

Dallas Mavericks 93, LA Lakers 81 (Series: 2-0 DAL)

Perhaps they were merely recognizing me by chanting Boo-urns, but it sure did sound like Lakers fans were unhappy with their team’s performance last night. The Lakers starters had a decent night, led by Kobe Bryant’s 23-points, but it probably didn’t help that the team missed 15 consecutive 3-pointers from the start of the game and the bench only chipped in 12 points. It also didn’t help that Kobe missed 11 shots, so I guess what I’m saying is that the Lakers are a mess.

But at least nothing stupid happened like Ron Artest trying to take Jose Barea’s head off in the closing minute. Haha, just kidding, that really did happen, with 24 seconds left so it was a brilliant move that could possibly earn him a suspension for Game 3. I don’t know about you kids, but I’ve missed old Ron-Ron and am glad to have him back.

Celebrity Sighting: Directors McG and Brett Ratner sat courtside together. Asked one fan, “What’s that giant portal to hell doing behind them?”

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