Links

Atlanta Falcons’ Kicker has Golf Clubs Stolen by his Chinese Food Delivery Guy - Poor kicker. The defining moment of your position’s history is Charlie Brown failing. Also, you deserve it if you let your delivery man anywhere past your front door. [Brobible]

UFC Champ on Steven Seagal: ‘I don’t know how he got my number.’ - Seagal googling Jon Jones until he finds his personal information is hilarious. Almost as funny as the 200 guys who just run at Seagal and get destroyed by him barely moving his hands. You suck, Steven Seagal. [Film Drunk]

The 15 Best Nintendo 64 Titles Of All Time - Now here’s a list I can get behind. Blast Corps or it didn’t happen. [Smoking Section]

Video: Paul Rudd & Anne Hathaway Audition for ‘Jersey Shore’ - I think Rudd and Hathaway are in a competition to see which likeable person I’m tired of the most. So far I think Paul Rudd is winning. [Warming Glow]

Twitter Masses Angered That A Fake News Organization Tweeted About A Fake Hostage Crisis - The problem isn’t believing news reported by The Onion, it’s that The Onion should be way, way funnier. “Barack Obama died in a car crash, jk it’s satire.” [UPROXX]

Community’s Doctor Who Spoof “Inspector Spacetime” Makes An Awesome Meme - Forget Inspector Spacetime, somebody turn Asian Annie into a meme. Fantasy threesome: me, Annie, Other Annie. [Gamma Squad]

Maroon 5 Feat. Christina Aguilera & Mac Miller – “Moves Like Jagger (Remix)” - Did Mick Jagger win some kind of contest where every pop singer has to mention him in a song? Is it because his name rhymes with “swagger” and people are bad at rhyming, but HAVE to use the word swagger? [Smoking Section]

10 Manliest Men in Entertainment - Way to eschew traditional gender roles, Buzzfeed! [Buzzfeed]

No One Sinks Rihanna’s Battleship and 7 Other Things Learned on the Set of ‘Battleship’ - Lesson one: Do not make a movie about Battleship. [Moviefone]

‘Parks & Recreation’: 5 Things to Know About ‘Ron and Tammys’ - Hump day. Am I right, buddy? [AOL TV]

Attack of the Show Interview with Idris Elba - Kevin Pereira, is you taking notes on a criminal f**king conspiracy? I want your jobs, Attack Of The Show. I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR JOBS. [G4TV]

Adult Swim’s Time to Waste with Harry Shearer - Also wasted time with Harry Shearer: the last 15 seasons of “The Simpsons”. [Adult Swim]

Punk Isn’t Dead PSA with Henry Rollins - Somebody needs to remake Lost In Translation with Henry Rollins and have him just sit around Tokyo yammering on about politics and sociopolitical norms and everyone around him is just constantly going ughhhhh and walking away. [The Daily What]

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Last night, the mainstream sports media salivated for hours over Michael Vick’s return – again – to Atlanta to face his old team, the Falcons. Of course, the whole team is practically different with a brand new franchise QB, but that doesn’t stop people from barfing rhetoric over what Vick meant to the Falcons, how his success with the Philadelphia Eagles affects his former fans, and how some fans still worship him over Matt Ryan. Basically, it’s a very lazy implication that white people love Matty Ice and black people love Vick.

Whatever the case may be, it’s our job to look at what truly matters – the actual football game. Each week, I’ll be breaking down a Game of the Week using my cock sure NFL expertise, scientific theories, and pure, unadulterated fact to recap the action and blow your minds. Now put on your assless pants, because we’re going to get funky with the Falcons’ exciting victory over the Eagles.

Read the rest of this entry »

While NFL players and owners have left the league’s lockout in the hands of lawyers and judges, one faction in this cruel and malevolent tornado of greed and arrogance stands out for bravery, earnestness, sincerity, dignity, and all-around smoking hottery. I’m talking, of course, about the NFL cheerleaders. While players are restricted from using facilities or meeting with team officials, the cheerleaders have put the fan’s best interest into perspective, as a few of the league’s teams have launched their cheerleader auditions for next season in recent weeks.

The cheerleaders know that they may not have jobs next season, yet they brought in hundreds of wide-eyed and perky hopefuls to audition to become the next wiggling and writhing faces of their respective franchises, because they believe that America’s true pastime (get cheerleaders, baseball) won’t miss a single second next season. Most recently, the San Diego Chargers cheerleaders welcomed their newest additions, as did the Atlanta Falcons and the New England Patriots. And a few other teams did as well, but their web masters are apparently locked out, too (*cough* Baltimore Ravens *cough*).

Let’s pay these heroic spirit masters the respect they deserve by admiring their recent efforts in picture and video form. Also, I strongly suggest blasting Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” while scrolling through this.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Miami Dolphins probably have the record for celebrities who own a stake in an NFL team, but the Atlanta Falcons seem like they’re making a push to try and beat them. Are they…. “halfway there”? STOP BOOING ME!
Read the rest of this entry »

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers may have trounced the Atlanta Falcons 48-21 on Saturday, but it’s his pregame behavior that is earning him A**hole of the Week awards from many sites around these here interwebs. In a news report aired by WBAY-TV in Green Bay, Rodgers was shown ignoring the autograph request of Jan Cavanaugh, a cancer patient wearing pink Packers gear, at the airport as the team was preparing to leave for Atlanta. Even worse, Cavanaugh had just driven directly from a radiation treatment for the sole purpose of grabbing some autographs. Yeesh.

When I first broke got wind of this story, it was told to me by my friend in a bar, as he glossed over Mike Florio’s soapbox rant at Pro Football Talk. And I said to myself, “Probably just another case of this guy stirring the pot and throwing gasoline.” Then I pulled up the video and thought, “Hoo boy, Aaron. That ain’t good, dude.”

Video and thoughts after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Atlanta Falcon John Abraham has 13 sacks, two forced fumbles, an interception and now a terrible driving experience accomplished in his 2010 season. The defensive end was in his car going to practice when the snow in Atlanta decided to take him off the road. Wait, there’s snow in Atlanta? And it’s not coming from Young Jeezy?

Atlanta Falcons DE John Abraham had a hairy ride to the team’s walkthrough ahead of Atlanta’s matchup against the Green Bay Packers.

Abraham was a passenger in a four-door sedan that skidded off I-985 into a ditch while he was reporting to work on Monday morning. Fortunately, no one was injured.
…
Fellow defensive lineman and Montana native Kroy Biermann saw his 6-foot-4, 263 pound teammate from South Carolina stranded on the side of the road, stopped and pulled Abraham’s car from the ditch. -Examiner.com.

Read the rest of this entry »